Thursday, December 12, 2013

twin thoughts

I had the first enquiry the other day.

One is told to expect these questions, as I the numerous pamphlets and books we have strewn around our lounge on the subject, say.

"Twins? Did you conceive naturally?"

Now apparently I'm meant to find it offensive when random people ask me whether I've basically had IVF or not, but I don't particularly. Perhaps it's because I did conceive naturally and just found myself pregnant. Like, a lot pregnant.

But this is Britain, and people find prying questions about natural conception unPC, and one shouldn't ask such things. And perhaps they shouldn't as it really is none of their business.

I was asked yesterday in a crowd, and it got me thinking. If I hadn't conceived naturally, and it was a pain point - as in I had struggled and struggled and I had had a traumatic and expensive journey to get pregnant - what would I have said? I probably would be a bit miffed and would've retorted, "Yes, I went through 5 cycles of IVF, what else do you want to know?"

Which brings me to another point. Many of the people we have met in our numerous multiple birthing clubs (Weyhey!) have needed fertility assistance, and have found themselves with twins or triplets because that's what can happen. Many have struggled and are deeply grateful that they are pregnant at all, with twins being seen as an a bit of a bonus.

I can't help feeling just a little bit guilty sometimes. I thought I'd struggle to conceive, but I clearly didn't. I should see this as a blessing - and I do for the most part. But it has taken me ages to get my head around it. I wasn't briefed beforehand like some of the IVF mums, with a "You know there may be a chance you'll have multiples." I came in cold.

So now I am starting to get excited and so forth, but it's taken a while. And it's taking some serious preparation mentally.

One thing that's helped me get excited and be happy about the fact I am carrying two at once, is this. The simple reason being: it's going to be great for them.

I am an only child. And while my parents were able to send me to a private boarding school and take me on holidays abroad, one thing that I've always longed for is a sibling. Someone who understands. Who can shoulder some of the family shit that inevitably comes just down to me to solve or take care of or deal with alone.

Someone who perhaps gets what it is like to have a mad father, or have your parents divorce during your final exams, to the really good stuff like growing up in the Natal Midlands to sharing funny family foibles with. Someone you can always rely on to be there - no matter what.

It always strikes me how amazing it must be to have siblings when my mum and her two sisters go on adventures together. And they do - they all live on opposite sides of the planet (Canada, South Africa and New Zealand respectively), and yet make solid plans to go on holidays or shopping trips to Bangkok or meet in various cities, no matter the distance. It wasn't always the case - growing up they would fight - but as adults you couldn't get three closer sisters. And they would do and drop anything for one another.

My twins will have that. Even if they do fight like growing up, I hope they'll always know they have each other. And they'll even have an added, special bond just from being in utero together.

Also - just a thought - going two by two, they're less of a target for bullies and/or paedophiles.


Maybe they'll only appreciate it when they're much older, but it has to be a very special thing being a twin.

6 comments:

Unknown said...

Absolutely - From the twins I have known, there has always been a special bond between them.

In terms of the inappropiate questions... why don't you tell them about all the fun you had making babies!! Watch them go pale ;)

Secret said...

Have to totes agree with you - I have five siblings, but only one who is close to me in age - she is the one who lives in England, who will be housing my hubby and I when we emigrate mid next year - even now, as far as she is, we have kept our special bond (in fact, it is probably stronger now than ever) and since our ages are so close, we may as well be twins....we even have our little language which most people don't seem to understand. Siblings are the best gift your parents can ever give you because they are your closest friends and allies for life :)

mamastella said...

I was one of twins but my twin passed away before we got to a stage out of school to enjoy the connection you speak of. We had the connection but we were too young to appreciate it. Now whenever I reach milestones or even when mundane things happen, saying that I miss having him around is an understatement.
Enjoy your twins and encourage them to always care for each other no matter what.

mamastella said...

I was one of twins but my twin passed away before we got to a stage out of school to enjoy the connection you speak of. We had the connection but we were too young to appreciate it. Now whenever I reach milestones or even when mundane things happen, saying that I miss having him around is an understatement.
Enjoy your twins and encourage them to always care for each other no matter what.

Flarkit said...

Peas, I urge you to keep this post someplace safe, to share with the pair (ooh look, a rhyme!) when they're older and bashing the living whatsis out of each other.

Coffee and Books Cape Town said...

Look forward to the Miracle Day. Like you made it x