tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post7777250335335951909..comments2024-02-20T08:24:41.908+00:00Comments on PEAS ON TOAST: the hairdresserPeas on Toasthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03349482085062035903noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-17269161085736171932014-05-14T12:07:49.492+01:002014-05-14T12:07:49.492+01:00You know, Peas, I often think about that, what is ...You know, Peas, I often think about that, what is worse, to lose a child in stillbirth or to lose them later on in life once you got to know them and I have come to the conclusion that there is no worse. They are all bad and horrible to have to deal with. There's stillbirth, to not know your baby at all, or to know them for 11 months and then lose them or like my friend, also living in London, who just lost her daughter, a twin with a non-identical twin sister, at 17 years of age. Each scenario leaves you broken. But you do mend, though you'll never be the same again. <br />Reading your next post takes me back to similar feelings of guilt and 'what if' scenarios that I had back then. My advice now is to keep on writing about your feelings, it really helps. And I hope you don't mind my 'me too' comments every now and then. I'll be thinking of you next week.Vannessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10015257402929693499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-86005400242310988692014-05-12T16:12:08.972+01:002014-05-12T16:12:08.972+01:00Shebee and Vanessa, you both completely identify w...Shebee and Vanessa, you both completely identify with this. So Thank YOU both so much for your comments. It helps not to feel so alone. And know my thoughts are somewhat normal.<br /><br />My heart aches for both of you as you met and knew your daughters. Which makes your pain way worse than mine. XxxPeas on Toasthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03349482085062035903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-79626017419046267272014-05-12T12:33:08.850+01:002014-05-12T12:33:08.850+01:00Wow, just had a deja vu moment. My daughter died ...Wow, just had a deja vu moment. My daughter died at 11 months of age, she was my second. Also at the hairdresser not too long after she died, the hairdresser asked me how many kids I have. Tricky question. I answered 1 precisely because I did not want to go into it but then I had a kind of panic attack, not sure what it was, where I felt so bad, like I was denying her existence that I had to tell her about my daughter. That was so awful. After that I varied between telling people and not, though it has gotten easier over the years. I identify with not wanting to make people feel bad though, but sometimes it is unavoidable and really not your problem. <br />I have also had a large number of people saying it was for the best that she died and meant to be etc etc mainly because she was special needs and that used to really get my goat, still does sometimes, but I realised that they say it with good intentions and just had to remind myself of that. <br />Sorry for the essay, I just identify so much!Vannessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10015257402929693499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-26300372505541197282014-05-10T11:39:11.700+01:002014-05-10T11:39:11.700+01:00You wrote this with such a tone of wisdom and unde...You wrote this with such a tone of wisdom and understanding, it is incredible. On the other hand, sometimes its got to be ok to punch people in the face.Letters to Leilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00328681324706740951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-47895783298197148762014-05-09T09:31:48.853+01:002014-05-09T09:31:48.853+01:00OFFS. Seriously?! Peas, this is one of the WORST ...OFFS. Seriously?! Peas, this is one of the WORST things you're going to have to deal with after losing Molly.<br /><br />It sucks hard and to be honest, the feeling of "um, no, actually, it wasn't a blessing" never goes away, not even after 11 years, in my case anyway. I wrote something about it a while ago: http://www.shebee.co.za/things-you-should-never-say-to-a-parent-who-has-lost-their-child/ <br /><br />Lots of love xoxoSheBeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15278133909000962781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10009339.post-87730670396346818542014-05-09T08:58:06.102+01:002014-05-09T08:58:06.102+01:00Ouch. I guess it's in people's nature to w...Ouch. I guess it's in people's nature to want to lessen the bad things in some way and it often leads to serious foot-in-mouth episodes. I'm sorry it sucked.<br />xxMeeAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13857981201712950144noreply@blogger.com