Illustration from a photograph of my twins Molly & Sebastian together just after they were born, by my talented mother.
This blog started very much as a sort of light-hearted place where my trivial day-to-day shit would be regurgitated, rejoiced and stored.
In 2013 I fell pregnant (naturally, might I add) with twins.
We called our twins Sebastian and Molly.
Just before they were born, in March 2014, Molly died. I am still going through the motions of grief, and I suspect I always will to some degree.
So if there are the occasional posts that reference Molly, my twins, and my beautiful little survivor Sebastian, hopefully you'll understand why they are fraught with sadness.
Throughout my life, I have survived most adversities by trying to maintain a positive sense of humour. Being funny - or trying to be - has always been my survival tactic, in the stickiest of situations. This blog is meant to be just that, lighthearted and sometimes, maybe, even slightly amusing.
The Molly and twins material is mostly not funny. But it is me. The experience of carrying and having twins, having a daughter that died, and now raising a little boy has forever shaped me. It's part of me now, and like all things, if you know me, or read me - you gotta take the rough with the smooth.
If you're a mum who has lost a child, or a twin, and want to get in touch - I would love to hear from you.
Below the posts are a list of support groups I have found helpful in dealing with my loss.
Here is my journey, if you so wish to know what happened.
Carrying twins/pregnancy-related posts:
----- Guess what? I'm pregnant. And I'm having twins.
----- Oh my God. Twins. We are having twins. What the fuck are we going to do?
----- Join a support group. The twins club. And twins societies.
----- Being a big mama - you're bigger than everyone else with two at once.
----- The first trimester
----- 2013 was a big year.
----- I am Rhesus D negative. Blood groups (slightly unrelated.)
----- How to leave the house with twins
----- Being prodded, poked and expanding - halfway mark.
----- How to deal with advice about twins from people who don't have twins.
----- Twins? You must've had IVF. (No, we didn't. I conceived mine naturally.Never assume!)
----- Twenty week scan
----- One Born Every Minute
------ What happens to your body in the third trimester when you're carrying two babies.
----- Babymoon in France at 27 weeks
----- My twin nursery, and being full of children.
----- My twins met Kylie Minogue (yes really)
----- Breastfeeding lessons for two babies
----- 31 weeks, leaving work
------ 32 weeks. The day before I found out Molly had died.
What happened to me and my children (Molly's death, birth and aftermath):
On 18 March 2014, I went for my 35 week scan and was told they couldn't find Molly's heartbeat.
I was in hospital from then on for two weeks.
----- Letters to my child, waiting for d-day in hospital
-----Anguish & Joy. The day I found out about Molly, and the day after they were born.
----- Having two. One angel, one survivor. My birth story.
----- My precious new Sebastian.
----- Why Molly died - the postmortem results.
----- Molly's funeral
----- Poems for Molly
----- Remembering with candles
----- Capturing pieces of my Molly and Sebastian
----- Celebrating my precious Sebastian - a one month photo shoot
----- No more twins club.
----- Sometimes people will say the wrong thing. A lot.
----- The Three Me's
----- Basement of lost dreams
----- A letter to the NHS. TWIN MUMS NEED MORE SCANS.
----- Parents of Twinless Twins
----- One step forward, two steps back
----- The love I have for both my children
-----Things that I think of everyday
----- (Somewhat unrelated) What it's like to have a baby.
------ Grief guide: what to say to someone who has lost a child
----- My Bump Journey: my tummy milestones from 9-36 weeks.
Sands - Stillbirth society
Count The Kicks
Parents of Twinless Twins
Twinless Twins Support Group
TAMBA (Twins & Multiple Birth Association (UK) - bereavement support arm
Books for survivor twins and parents:
Sam & Finn by Kate Polley (South Africa)
Always My Twin by Valerie Samuels (US)
How To Survive When One Twin Dies by Vicky Burley (UK)
My sweet little survivor, Sebastian George, at around 5 months.