Tuesday, February 27, 2007

deutscheland rapper

I’ve discovered how I’m going to make it big.
About twenty minutes ago whilst playing Solitaire on my computer and chewing on a chicken sandwich.

Fame is about two and half seconds away.

Fuck off Hollywood, I am going to be a rapper.
A German rapper.
Who from tomorrow, I suspect, will be signing exclusive record deals with large production houses. Not speaking German isn’t of immediate concern for me, because all words will be amplified by a eustacian-funkin’ bass.

Here is my demo. I’m so excited, I could yodel. Roll in the dollars - Missy Elliot you’re out.

Ich bin ein fuckin’ freulein ™
By Erbse Auf Tost

Drop ein beat.

Zeit,
Ich bin ein freulein.
Ich bin ein fuckin’ freulein.
Ich bin heiß!

Zeit,
Tachen ziets frigging yeah versuche du verstehen, wie suwe ahuh ahuh ahuh kham das wierenstich mehseën nefarious!

Anderseit passiert doch oooh baby you make me so hot diese eine meheinenßtaf das besierd I drive on the autobahn at unmentionable speeds.

Eid zu klaut eine German love songs mischdt bedeuted, fhulschpit fudging befeuted.
Sauerkraut foltendunde suck tendeßheme eit zu klaut, schuldez mit dir wag I wear a dirndl and you wear lederhosen?

Wo bist du jetzt boybands in Bavaria sag mir wo du schtecks?
In welgen film
In welgen bed
Gheschmutzen
Schneller
Tankards of beer at the Oktoberfest
Zeitgeist.

Ich bin ein freulein
Ich bin ein fuckin’ freulein
Ich bin heiß, yo.

Wo bist du jetzt in lange bleibst du weg? I get more ass than a toilet seat
Wo bist du jetzt Audi A3 Turbo sag mir bist du ghets?
Daschunds are cool

Wienerschnitzel und oompah musik

Wo bist du jetzt boodyliscious zeid dut mir leid
Schadenfreude du breid zein Berlin wall
In sagte - yeah baby frigging yeah - du keinde zeid I love Düsseldorf.
Vergeßen und vergeßing
Deine woden halt

Glauben fuck

[cue echo: glauben fuck, glauben fuck, glauben fuck]

Das schtille und eine gothic cathedrals
Schtille in mein laute…there’s a stillness in my loins.
Yes, echt.

Lufthansa
Lufthansa
Mit das uncomfortable reclining seat.

Ich bin ein freulein
Ich bin ein fuckin’ freulein
Mit ein stopover in Zurich
Ich bin heiß

Scheisenbedauern.
Auf weidersehn.

Why didn’t I think of this before, I’m rich! Rich! Even if my German step-father says the cheque is going to bounce.
Like, whatever.

45 comments:

GoDsGiMp said...

Pea's.. You got time on your hands today?

"Das schtille und eine gothic cathedrals"

O my. The whole thing is classic

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I just cannot do ANY work today. Deadline come and gone...fuck.

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I just cannot do ANY work today. Deadline come and gone...fuck.

I mean: fich.

Revolving Credit said...

Habst du been drinking eine kleine tipple Schnapps mit your chicken sandwich, freulein??

Peas on Toast said...

Nein Herr Creditzen.

But ich habst been listening to meinen Austristrian boybands in mein auto during mittag-essen.

AMH said...

Erbsen. Bist du den a schlaue maus! Schickt mich deine mp3 file und ich soellte das in Oesterreich spielen.

God this language has killer grammar

but good effort peas

xx from Austria, AMH

godsgimp aka craig sama said...

Habst sy bin drinken die cyber tequila van onsin

Peas on Toast said...

AMH - OOOh daneshurn fur das gud gud commenten, mein freund van Osterreich!
Deine mp3 file...dist nein gud ja.

Godsgimp - nein. Ich been drinking deine tankards of beer a la Oktoberfest. ;)

Gregor said...

it's gonna be a massive hit!!!!! We need to organize you some bavarian dirndln (female lederhosen stuff)!!!! :P

Revolving Credit said...

Gimp, Craig Sama??

What do women shout when you're doing your thing??


'Ohhh-Sama'??

Peas on Toast said...

Gregor - yes ich is going to need ein dirndle when I perform at Gold Reef Stadt for meine fans.

Peaches said...

German rap?

My shattered nerves!

:)

GoDsGiMp said...

Rev- at least they don't keep calling for credit.

"Insert more credit now..
you have ten seconds to continue..
Insert more credit now.
Program will now shut down
thank you for using real@woman software"

:)

Revolving Credit said...

Ja, I have that problem, women always want more Credit inserted so I keep inserting it as much as they want.

I'm assuming that this was the track you were going down??

GoDsGiMp said...

HA..

kyknoord said...

You're killing me! I think I've sprained my entire abdomen.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, Kyk sprained is entire abdomen - surely you can rap about that!! Something about trying to rapidly remove his lederhosen???

Peas on Toast said...

Peaches - mein shatterden nervzen, ja!

Kyk - ah mein liebschen, strap on your dirndly boy - you haven't even heard me sing it yet! :)
xx

Rev -
"Wo biszt du jetzt, mein blaauw lederhosen?
"Quick, vee must make hasten and disgard auf ze lederhosen before it iz happy hour in Koln!"
Kykie signs with tankards of beer in a Munchen fruit market....

Revolving Credit said...

Peas - German Gangsta Rap.

You're actually gonna have to rap this and post an audio clip for all of us. Maybe Fly can arrange some studio time for you.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'm writing to Sony BMG with my song as we speak.
Just going through all the 'we signed 50 Cent" bullshit in the beginning.
I'll let y'all know when and what and if they reply.

But they will. :)

Betenoir said...

hmmm. I think this may just work! Like Bjork, but german. and with a bit of Peaches thrown in. Throw in a Merkin and a dwarven Kleptomaniac (for your entourage, natch), and you'll have it made.

are you ready to humiliate your groupies, madame?

karaoke queen said...

Bwa hahahahahaha! *cough*
What I meant to say was - FABULOUS!
It is really funny :D I like the Lufthansa reference with the uncomfortable seats.

kyknoord said...

You can tell your German stepfather that white cheques can't bounce.

High in Dubai said...

Peas,

LMAO - gosh that was the funniest thing I have ever read!!!

I am a fan... Will try see if I can organise distribution in Dubai... There are a few german peeps here!

Peas on Toast said...

Betenoir - I like! Ich liebe! Perhaps ein Leprachaun would go down well? (to appease my Irish fans??) ;)

Karaoke - thanks mein kleinen! :)

Kyk - He's definitely warming to the idea. Even though he thinks I'm a few pantoffelen short of ein essen. ;)

Dubai - yay! Tell them I'll wear whatever they want...dirndl, lederhosen...desert stuff...:)

Daedalus said...

Erbse,

Sind Sie eine Frau? Kein womder hatte ich eine milde Anziehung, das erste mal ich Sie sah...

Ak my translation is crude ... I used the babel fish hahah, like most I gather ;)

Peas on Toast said...

D-Guy - Ich have nein idea what du is saying.
Ein clue, bitte?

Hot Pink Flush said...

Hey peas!

Google Nigerian rapper Wierd MC!
I am seeing scary similarties .

you could call your first album eine grosse fucken nachtmusiek.

X

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - O mein God! That is perfect! It reeks of Rammstein...

Sold.

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,

It was supposed to say:
"Are you really a woman?, no wonder I had a mild attraction the first time I saw you"

-- but babel phucked it up ...

aaaanywayyy... here is a cool toy:

http://world.altavista.com/tr

Click from what to what and viola

Peas on Toast said...

D-Guy - Ah bless, thanks :) *blush*

Will check out the cool toy!

Insane Insomniac said...

So can we be expecting dodgy lederhosen in the video?

LMFAO!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - most definitely, ich liebe das lederhosen. :)

other-duke said...

I'll buy your CD.. actually, whom i kidding, I'll download it on Limewire

kim said...

wow. i have no idea what this rap is about. and i'm german... reading through the comments was hilarious though :) viele grüsse aus good old germany...

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Holy fuck. That song is WELL TIDY. Why didn't we think of it when we were there? Could've approached a producer. What happened to 'Lufthansa, Lufthansa met dein uncomfortable reclining seats' though? Thought we had a winner there.

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