1) First off, it was f$cking great.
2) It’s so hot there, that you sit in the shade and break out in a compellingly unattractive sweat.
3) I have eaten more fish, prawns and lobster than your average fisherman after a good sardine run. Don’t quite know how to merge back into red meat and potatoes.
4) The Swahili people are friendly. I like them.
5) Met some crazy guy called “Boss.†He runs the local drug syndicate in the northern part of the island. He is hardcore. Yet, has a penchant for Michael Bolton and The Village People.
6) The main town is like Turkey or India. Very eastern architecture. Beautiful.
7) Did I mention that it’s bloody scorching?
8) Snorkelling. Wow. Turtles, dolphins, moray eels, sharks – shit yourself material – plus multicoloured fish. A religious experience.
9) Islamic country = mosques. Mosques = random chanting at godforsaken hours. Takes getting used to.
10) Zanzibar trades in spices. So we bought back coffees, teas, saffron, vanilla, chillies, cardamom, the whole bang shoot.
11) The soap is cinnamon. Took a bite out of our soap at one of the hotels when I had to many beers.
12) Beer! “Kilimanjaro†a firm favourite. And cheap too.
13) There are MOLTO Italians on the island. In fact half of Italy has bought out the eastern side. Also lots of mafia activity. One guy was unwittingly “tarred, feathered and hung.†Whatever happened to a bullet in the back of the head – Sicily style?
14) I have a rather tanned back and ass. From the snorkelling.
15) Got eaten, sorry, chowed alive by mosquitoes. No amount of bug repellent, mosquito nets or eating vatfuls of garlic deterred the little buggers. As a result, I’m waiting for malaria to kill me sometime this week.
16) I’m seriously not joking.
17) Met a girl there, Molly from Wisconsin, who now works and lives there. She had amoebic dysentery. She went to the toilet 45 times in 12 hours. So there are things worse than malaria.
18) We stayed on a Robinson Crusoe-style island called Chumbe. Only 14 people stay on it at a time, so it feels like your own place. Everything is powered by solar panels, the lodges are made from reeds and bamboo, but are luxury. It was incredible.
19) People huckle you there a lot. As a result, saying “chizisana†(Swahili for crazy) and pointing to my brain helps to make them leave me alone.
20) The spicy chai.
21) The sea is blue. Not blue, but BLUE. And warmer than your average bath.
22) They say Hakuna Matata all the time. I really though it was just a Lion King thing, but obviously not.
23) I smoked a joint the size of a toilet roll, filled with Malawi Gold, thanks to Boss. As a result, some nights are hazier than others.
24) I bought Ali Baba shoes. They are blue, and covered with gems and sequins and pom poms. They are hideous. I love them.
25) We ate so much fresh fruit. I feel so healthy. But now sitting at my desk, eating crap all over again, I feel quite depressed.
26) Steve and I had one massive fight right in the middle. We split our money and headed our separate ways. To only get separate rooms for one night, then made up.
27) We’ve sufficiently caught up on our lack of sexual activity had before the trip.
28) Took quite a few boats.
29) I can still smell the acrid stench of salty grimy clothes in my backpack.
30) Oooh but I definitely want to go back. Says she, with no leave and a fading tan. And craploads of work to catch up.
31) Oh and Happy Easter everybody! xxxx
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