I went to a farewell do for one of my friend’s leaving to live in Australia last night. The do was held at Ex S’ house. Or his parents house, to be more specific.
I did not want to go, but in the events that make up my life, best I force myself to go and be merry. Even if the room is filled with people that are Ex S's friends.
I bought a bottle of wine, unclogged the drain in the bath – it was disgusting, but that said, plungers are great toys with which to, um, plunge – and headed off to Bryanston filled with dread.
All our 'mutual' friends were present. Including his brother who has just had a kid. Who would’ve been my niece, had things gone according to the plan. His wife then gaily told me she’d dated Cute UnShaven Guy briefly while living in London. (Oh but of course. Without inter-circle shagging, the situation wouldn't be believable. That said: this is perpostuous.) I just cannot get away from people that know and boof other people.
The party was somewhat dull; nice snacks though. I departed after my third glass of wine, because I was sick of baby talk, and all the couples were always seeming to be calling each other 'babe' and 'sweetie' and plating kisses on each other's foreheads and I actually just wanted to slap all of them and tell them to grow the fuck up.
I came home hammered and emotional. Also because Ex S is going on holiday to Germany and Sweden for three weeks, in reckless abandon to pull Swedish poenani, and eat Viking food. Bastard.
And now the the bloody date tonight. Cute UnShaven has yet to give me directions to his house. (For that’s where I am going. A dinner party held at his pad.) This is worrying.
My best underwear in hanging on the clothes line. Not that I’d need it since I’m officially a virgin again. (Just over two months since last shag.)
I’m panicking and therein breaking into an unsightly sweat.
83 comments:
Hell it does sound a little scary all the inner circle bonking.... but perhaps all it is is worth a laugh at people who cannot seem to look outside their own circle....?
Anyway chill and enjoy Peas. Just remember when you arrive that if there is no one else there then chances are it is a massive SETUP.
May THE FORCE be with you
Thanks Phil.
I'm slightly flustered today! But I'm sure it'll be chilled. :)
check both shoes and skirt before leaving the bathroom :)
good luck
Lol other-duke!
You betcha! I always thought these things happen in movies with bad slapstick punchlines!
(I'll be wearing trousers!)
Good luck for the date Peas.... just take it easy, keep an open mind.. life has a habit of surprising those who are aware and open with nice presents!
Oh and i have posted some nice gigs on my site for those of you who need something to do this weekend!
What do they say the secret of a good date is? No expectations and a sense of humour. You have both of these I trust.... *wicked grin*
Officially:- 9 months is required before you can reclaim your virginity... Unofficially - woman can always reclaim it, unless there are pictures (or blogs) to prove otherwise :)
Shot Daytripper - I guess I'm just a bot out of the loop, so that's why I'm nervous. As for your gigs, had a look, the Karen Zoid thing sounds great - may pull a few peeps together and go and check it out on Sat!
Antoine - Oh thank goodness! So I'll be a virgin again in 7 months!
Cookie Monster - Ex S and I still keep in touch, due to me knowing his family really well and our mutual friends, also because we were together for so long. But it still isn't easy, I must say. Specially now his brother has a baby. For the first time I didn't feel a part of the family - I felt like a complete outsider. It was odd.
Be glad that you've escaped the incestuous friendship/family circle. Never did picture Ex S as an inbreeder!
With reagrds to the date - shouldn't the first one be on neutral ground as opposed to his house. Have a friend call you @ a pre-arranged time just in case you need a reason to escape.
...deedle..dum
Rev - ha ha, no Ex S is no inbreeder. :) I don't think...
Yip, initially the whole house-bound vibe freaked me out a little, but after Moogs gave me the brotherly stamp of approval, and most other people that know him seem to think he's alright (besides Doc, but that's another story), and there'll be other guests there too, I said I'd go.
But you're right - to be on the safe side, I'm giving Ant his address, so that if I don't return home at a reasonable hour, she can send out a search party. ;)
PS: I will not nap-over. Not even by fourth date, if it comes to fruition. This one will be taken very slowly.
Nap over is fine, it's when you're staying and not napping that may be the cause for concern :)
Have no fear all. Peas will be just fine tonight. I have a good feeling about it.
And besides there's always me!
He he.
God I hate Thursdays!
Rev - exactly. So I will avoid this by avoiding his bed completely.
Phil - thanks guy. :)
Nessers - good ploy! Perhaps I'll get all self-conscious over my furry feet and fled! :)
peas good luck for your date ( i bought my sister pepper spray when she got back into the dating scene.. maybe u shld borrow it - heh heh)
and in other news: bossman has asked me to look after his house in sandhurst next week, no pressure, wasn't there a movie made about this - i think it ended badly? Chateau Lafite Rothchild is going downtown!
Champers you biscuit- your tax extension advice was flawless.. literally was just click click... but why do i feel nervous. Pravin does not look like a generous oke.
So where would one find a Chastity belt this days??
I had this fucked up vision that if you contacted Louis Vuitton in Sandton they'd probably have a snake-skin and gold studded one.... but then it's probably just a product of my twisted thurs. morning imagination intermingled with the last vestiges of last nights cognac...my bad
Ramone - no ways! Sandhurst house! Best you have a party - is this the one with the built in pole in the bar?? ;)
Rev - perhaps Sir Louis does one in his Illovo 2006 collection...
2006 ILUVU Collection...I like it!
Christ above - Cute UnShaven just phoned me! Now I'm REALLY fucking nervous. He has such a deep, well-elocuted voice. And he says he cooks alot. And that the theme for tonight is World Cup soccer players.
Is he shitting me? I'm not dressing up like Zidane! (Unless I'm allowed to head-butt his guests).
Nervous and excited. Fuck. Ant can I have one those 'pills' you sometimes take before giving a presentation?
OK, if it's a World Cup theme (which is like to 'last week') then to play it safe, go dressed a player from Paraguay. That way you're guaranteed not to score..LOL
so..umm...wot are u gonna wear then??
fida . . .
A glass of wine before a date always helps. (Note: a glass, not a bottle).
As for your post....fucking Smug Couples! "Ah, we have to leave now, as you know, you just can't stay out long when you now have babies and nannies and pets!!" ...which is usually when I lean over, grab a bottle of wine and shout, "Cheers!"
I hope for you that this dinner party date involves many single people, or at least crazy couples.
[Ramone - Pleasure about the tax warning & yes, why don't they send a confirmation email]
Rev & Fida - he's dreaming if he thinks I'm coming dressed in shoulder pads and a gortex shirt! Jeans and maybe, I'll wear a white shirt, For my team.
Perhaps, if the date is a disaster, I'll head butt him on the way out. For extra special effect.
Champs - exactly! or "Sorry gotta leave now, we need to go home and make babies!"
Christ.
And you betcha I'll have a glass of wine before I go. Let's hope these 30somethings tonight can party like they're 20somethings. With no nanny/babyname talk between courses.
Yes, nothing like a little head..(..err..butt)..to end the nite on a good note!
If you find the right 30somethings they can party like 20somethings.
But just to be on the safe side, how about something a little stonger than wine? Whiskey??
And I have found in the past that the SMS "gotta go" option works quite well. Get Ant onto it.
But, just be cool and yourself...that's more than good enough. :-)
Jam - already forwarded the address to Ant in case. :)
Luckily because it's a school night I have an excuse to get out. But I have a feeling I'm going to have fun. Less the nerves - whisky it is!
Wait, it's your first date and you're going over to his house? Man this guy's got a bit of game eh? Home ground advantage! I always thought first date was out in a public. Well he's got the first part right. HAHA!
I'm just playing Peas. Good Luck for tonight and fight the urge no matter how hard it is to boink. He'll like you more after(that's what they say but I dont buy it).
Suave - I know, this is a first time 'at his house' date for me too. Hectic! Sweating buckets here Darryl!
And never fear, I NEVER boink on the first date. Or the third, or the seventh. Or anything in between.
PS: Welcome back mate! You're back from Cape Town?
Howzit Peanut
Scanned our 400 000-strong company database, but to no avail! What I suggest is actually phoning SAB. And asking them for the Anheuser number, I'm pretty sure they'll give it to you. It's what I'd do. Or they'll send you through the right channels. They'll have all the spokespeople on speed dial I'd imagine.
Yup! Back and in full effect. Got some fresh updates too.
Well look, you're the type of girl I like. No boinking on the first to seventh date. It's getting too easy out there. Or should I say the girls are too easy. Oh shit, did I say that out loud? Erm...
Anyway, yeah go and have a blast though. At least give him a chance eh Peas? You never know...he could be a great guy to hang around with. Besides you're around other people I gather so if you had to leave then your exit wont be as bad as if you were just alone and walked out. Knock him dead!
PS - Just remember to smell REALLY good!
Lol - thanks Suavie.
So I take it natural bodily odour is a no-no? :)
I think the whole dinner vibe is pretty chilled, so thank God for that. xx
Yup you guessed right! Look all I'm saying is if I can make the effort then so can you eh?
Damn those easy girls! You might actually think they enjoyed sex & were not just around to pleasure and please the guy!
Officially? Cool. Do you get a certificate?
LOL Champs! What has this world come to I ask. Ah well I guess it balances out innit. I mean most guys are easy too right? Hehehe
As I often say...I may be easy, but I'm not cheap!
Hear hear Revo!
I'd really like to tell a gurl sometime: "How bout you buy ME a drink" Hehehe! That would be dope.
Suave - try it, I dare you! :)
Champs - hear hear! "I'm easy, but I'm not cheap." That's a keeper!
Champs???
Peas, how bout you buy us guys all a drink?
Fair enough. I'll buy all you boys a drink.
If you can find me at a bar counter, somewhere in this 10-million strong city, introduce yourself to me, then the drink is all yours. Good luck! :)
And so I hope it stays that way, Suav! So I hope and pray each night!
The saying's a better version of my usual, "I like the simple things in life. Expensive. But simple!"
Peas, if I introduce myself now, would you buy me some lunch?! Starvation has become...
I've definitely bought guys drinks in a backhanded effort to get into their pants. I don't think this is quite what my feminist english teacher quite had in mind when she used to shout for us to act like equals to guys, but I enjoyed & have benefitted from the lesson.
Champs - not only will I buy you lunch, I'll sort out a good lawyer for you in your counter-case for the Jacob Zuma post you wrote. :)
I've also bought the occasional drink for men before. (Not counting in relationships, when this happens on a 50/50 basis.) Nothing wrong with it, I reckon. I just like a guy who comes across all chivilrous generally.
Ah, excellent Peas! Thanks for the lawyer! (And thanks for directing people to my blog, including any covert government bloggers who are looking for more people to sue!)
Yes! The guy better at least protest that I am attempting to buy him a drink! Even do the "Chick Trick" and take his wallet out in half-hearted attempt, not even letting it rest on the table, praying the other person will 'shoo' it away (as the wallet is pretty much empty) while they say "No, no, I'll get this one".
Gee. Its ALL been happening here while I bin wekkin. Of Ladies are allowed to buy me drinks....never happened though - other than when in relationship of course...when spading guys are pretty much EXPECTED to buy the drinks. And I really dont have a problem with it actually.....particularly if she keeps drinking and keeps drinking....hmmmmm. I think I see where I was going with this so gonna stop now!
Phil, if Peas's date doesn't work out tonight, and then you two try date, and that doesn't work out...you are welcome to try to get me drunk anytime! Though maybe let's keep it till just after payday. (I'm a sucker for a challenge!)
Champs - 'I've definitely bought guys drinks in a backhanded effort to get into their pants'
Free alcohol and a bit of nookie - damn girl, where you been all this tme???
Champs- it's not like me to get all protective like over men I haven't dated yet - so Rev and Phil, what are you waiting for?? ;)
I know, Revolvin', with such a winning personality AND such sweet sweet bar-counter habits, you have to worry about how damn gorgeous I really do look!
Peas, I went all the way to CT to find Revolvin' & meanwhile he was freezing his butt off up here! Broke my heart, it did. Plus he is still studying that book to be sure he knows my likes & dislikes.
Ah bless! :)
Well Champs, Phil does drive a black convertible you know. Although Rev has given us all a catchy pudendum soundtrack in which to manifest in throughout the day.
It's a tough call. Rev and Phil, why don't you write a small paragraph on what you have to offer Champs (and possibly the rest of us ladies.) Although Phil already has a list on my fuck buddy post, perhaps just reiterate.
What do I have to offer?
Nice Smile
Soft Touch
Great Kisser
Kind and Caring
Generous
Fun Loving
Party Animal
Financially Secure
Oh yes and the obligatory Black S2000
Ya mean I gotta do some homework!
I will compile a list of strange facts & places around which my world Revolves!
Nice one Phil.
Ok Rev, whaddoyougot?
Man the stakes are high here!
Guess I cant compete, I'm too many years the junior so I'm out.
Revo let's hear it buddy! It's on you.
sheesh - kind AND caring, that's a hard act to follow
Ah, Phil, sounds divine. I just gotta ask you a few more questions....what kind of passports do you hold? And how secure is your 'financially secure'? Enough to say, keep a girl in Moet every night?
(Drum roll please...)
Know s all the words to the Monty Python “Philosopher’s drinking song’
Plays golf just often enough to avoid clubs rusting
Normally gets asked to leave the club/pub/party so the staff can close up
If Germany had an Olympic Steam Ironing Team, I’d be the Captain (only when the maids not there else I’m lazy as shit)
Can write backwards and read up-side-down
Cabernet Sauvignon , heavy tannins, lots of wood – 1998 was a good year
‘A fool & his money are soon parted’ especially when running a tab
Drinks tequila without any ‘fruit and veg’
Knows women’s clothing sizes by eye and can dress (or undress) them accordingly
Actually cooks (as in really food, not warm-me-upper’s) at least 4 times a week
Now Peas, don't rag me for this one - I drive a BMW and I luff it
Can laugh at myself....Whhhaaaa
(cue the music)
Pudendum..dee..dee..dum..deedle..dum..
Oh dear! I am wiping tears from my eyes. You have all made my afternoon.
Champs, what is it that you're actually looking for? I mean, name 3 qualities a man MUST have in order to be drink buying worthy.
Peas - how are those nerves doing?
2003 was also a god year. Sorry Rev, i have to have a dig:
BMW for sale... excellent condition, FSH, low milage, sunroof, two indicators - never used
maybe it was a god year.. who knows. i meant good
What are indicators?
Isn't that those thingies on you car that you turn on & flash during the festive season..kinda like twinkle, twinkle little car!
Shees. Looks like I lose. NOT! I cook as well...... sing in the shower...and badly at Karoake...also golf a little... never a lot...and have a hefty selection of red wine at home plus the wine cooler (awesome stainless steel thingy) in kitchen ALWAYS has good white wine and some champers on hand...may not be MOET but NEVER plonk.
As for how financially secure lets just say I dont owe anything on the black convertible.
Jam, one criteria obviously has always been a guy that can read upside down....imagine the possibilities!
Rev, babes, no wonder I went searching for you down there in the Cape! Although Phil puts up a good fight, especially on the car front.
Jam, as for my 3 criteria:
I am in desperate search of a 1st world passport. If I have to marry the holder of this, so be it;
The son of a winefarmer;
And if experience is anything to go by, has a girlfriend or wife he forgets to mention.
Nothing too demanding.
And a guy who's good for a great laugh & a crazy convo kinda appeals to me too.
And I thought only asians had dog years......in culinary terms.....or was that dogs ears.....ah hell never mind.
Oh Peas - I smoke Stuyvesant Blue!
Only Passport I have is South African I am afraid....but I too can read upside down....AND sideways..... and sometimes when pissed.........
Phil, are we still competing for the free drink or has it moved on to free women???
Rev I have NO IDEA. I do however suspect that Peas has headed off home. Besides I think perhaps we should just meet up and go stalking women together sometime.....could be even more fun than catching one of these!
You're getting what now!?
Phil still has to attempt to get me drunk and then still attempt to get me naked with that whole wine collection of his!
Peas is busy deciding if she should shave her head for tonight as a way to look as much like Zidane as possible.
Well Champers.....you saw the email address. He he
Phil, not sure about stalking.
Far too much effort.
Maybe a more direct approach:
'Hi, ich bin Helmut, I hef a lufly vine collection at mein haus. Come for a drink und some bouncy, bouncy, ja?'
Ooo baby, ooo baby. I personally am more for the accents of the frenchies, but when I see you suggesting "bouncy bouncy"...
Phil, I'll throw this challenge up for you...firstly you track me down to some classy bar, then you entice me into buying you drinks, then you woo me into going back to your place to see if I can drink that collection (of wine, I mean, thank you!) dry, then you see if you can get me naked, and THEN you see if you can make things bounce.
A simple little obstacle course, really.
*more howls of laughter*
Imagine Peas' face when she reads all this tomorrow - then again, she may be sporting a black eye by then...
howls on dericive laughter
we've taken over this here blog
Helmut, this is a sacrifice zat you have to make for volk and vaderland....you vill hunt ze Champs down und drinka ze schapps, und zen too ze haus for ze vine drinking, ja.....and on to the great frech boulevard, the Champs-Eazy-Lay, where you are instructed my the Fuhrer to make her back Arch in Triumph. Zis is so ordered.
Champs - I have ordered my agent Helmut to lay one heavy 'Blitzkrieg' on your ass baby!
So it would seem.
Well, I guess then, with that crack of Revolvin's whip, everybody to their battle stations...war's just be declared on this fine piece of ass!!!
Achtung,achtung....all troops report for fornication duty.
Make sure your weapons are well greased and ready for action.
Ze attack will being as soon as we are able to get Helmut out of ze Brauhaus. Mein Gott in Himmel he can drink. Get out of your lederhausen and into your combat gear.
So... How was the date?
Duke methinks she may be late for a REASON......
as for last night's conversation - Champs you tell me when and where and the hunt will begin accordingly.
You cannot scare me - I am an accountant!
Jam - 'Imagine Peas' face when she reads this tomorrow.'
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is hilarious! I'm overly tired, can't concentrate, yet all of you have my day!
I'm changing this site to 'Get a Date on Peas'
:)
WAHAHAHAHAH - you guys are cards.
you're avoiding the topic :)
i assume there is blog on it's way
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