Wednesday, October 04, 2006

beauty vs ice cream

Phoned The Dove:
Dove: Hi tart.
Peas: Whatcha doing?
Dove: Buying shoes.
Peas: Oh, why?
Dove: I’ve run out.
Peas: Can you buy some ice cream too?
Dove: What for?
Peas: I’ve run out.
Dove: OK I’ll bring some over.
Peas: Cool. Can we eat it straight out the tub? I would offer you a bowl and spoon, but all the dishes are in the sink.
Dove: No problem.

My mother insists I still look thin. And she doesn't lie, my mother. She told me on my gap year, on picking her up at a French airport, that my ass looked like the back-end of a bus. I cried for an hour while continuing to smash my face with industrial portions of camembert and fois gras smeared on baguettes. So I trust her.

Which is good, since I intend to, and am preparing to look like an angel dropped from heaven on Saturday evening. I want his eyes to start watering when I float into the room. Not that I actually care or anything, but you know. I want him to be unable to tear his eyes off me during the main course so that I can turn around, on devouring the fillet that C is bringing up from her farm, and say: "Um, why you staring at me?"

Shit. I need to book a hair appointment with The Best Hairdresser on Earth. Not only will I walk out with a perfect crowning glory that everyone wants, but he'll entertain me by telling me gory details about his latest lover and feed me champagne whilst doing so.

16 comments:

Kate said...

Aaah, (she says, stroking her imaginary psychatrist-beard/goatee), so a certain brash honesty runs in the family....interesting.

Just kidding :)

P.S. I'll say it again: a little bit of indulgence is not the end of the world or your bikini figure. When your jeans arent comfy anymore go for a jog.
P.P.S. If you wanna eat more and stay the same shape, simply move more too.
P.P.P.S. It's SO SAD that I know all this and have never managed to put it into practice. Although, I did go to gym yesterday.

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - so true. My folks say it how it is, that's for sure. :)

Luckily my jeans still fit. And I'm pseudo-training for this 94.7 race. Pseudo, as in not enough.
Eeek!

Champagne Heathen said...

When you cannot fit into your beatle anymore it is time to start thinking of dieting, and realising that some guys might stop looking at you as incredibly shaggable.

Peas on Toast said...

I can still fit into Ludwig.

I've put on 1 kg, so am not too bothered. Yet.

kabintsimbi said...

May I ask a question: why are you still taking this guy to the dinner? Surely he loves the fact that he is a popular topic on your fabulous blogs & is just loving all the attention? Men don't deserve that! I'm slightly confused as am a newbie to mushy world!

Actually, why do women still persist with men they are into/ are in love with when they (the fuckwits) seem to mess you around or just confuse the hell out of you? Eish, I don't know anymore...maybe your good opinion will help!

Peas on Toast said...

kabintsimbi - I don't know to be honest. We're mates still, and have been for a while. I guess I just can't be bovvid finding somebody else at this late stage.

And yes he doesn't deserve my attention. Don't think he realises he's on my site at present, which is at least gratifying.

kabintsimbi said...

Oh, the penny drops! Well at least he doesn't know about your blog, how I don't know cos it's like being shouted out to every single little person I know & then some...lol!

My guy, on the other hand, does know & reads it often, alas I have to be careful what I say! Lucky you...anyways!

Jam said...

You're gorgeous Peas. And you have nothing to prove to this guy. MAybe you should look for another one? Unless you're still a little curious after all...

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Jam, thanks my sweetheart! What a nice lady you are! :)

I suppose part of me wants to show him what he's missing out on.

Who knows. I give up! :)

Jam said...

Okay - then here's some advice. Go with it. Go out, but go out to have a good time and a great party and see where it all ends up. Our biggest problem as women is that we just analyse things too much, and do too little.

kyknoord said...

Did your mom happen to mention what kind of bus? Maybe she was referring to your dual-buttock tattoo of St George slaying the dragon. Some of the private tour operators have unusual artwork on the back of their busses.

Somali said...

Hey Peas,

For now... just go with the flow and enjoy the evening. Don't expect anything to happen, because if nothing happens at least you won't be disappointed. But there is a 50 / 50 chance that something just might... ;-)

Blow him away!!!

Revolving Credit said...

If your ass looks like a (mini)bus, can you sign up for the taxi recapitalisation subsidy? maybe the government will give you R50k to keep your ass in shape.

Scratch that idea, if you did get it, you'd have to let complete stranger ride your ass for R5 a time.....LOL

Anonymous said...

Even money says you have a few drinks and snog the man (at the very least).

Deny all you like, but time will tell...

Lou said...

Ello Peas. Lou here. About the rat - you left out one of the best names. Rattex. This was the name of my brothers white rat that had the longest (and grossest) tail I have ever seen.

Good luck for the formal dinner. We always used to have them at Rhodes. Why do we put ourselves through the stress? They are a complete jol though.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guys!

:)