Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A conversation Friday after work:

CS: The reason I bought you on this coffee outing is because I think we need to discuss the discourse of our friendship.
Peas: Oh. Why?
CS: I feel we’re in a place where things are progressing fast, from friendship to something else.
Peas: Oh. Why?
CS: I’m trying to be the good guy. Warning you that I’m a dickhead. And I’ve been a dickhead in every relationship ever. But I’ve never sat down someone that I’m really good friends with, am attracted to and love their company, to warn them of my bastardness.
Peas: Why you doing this again? [sips a lot on wine]
CS: Because I dig you. And I know you dig me. I think of you all the time, I want to take you and ravage you on your couch, I want to do non-friendship stuff to you, but I can’t promise I’m not going to turn around tomorrow and think differently.
Peas: Right. I’ve also been a dickhead in most of my relationships. Except the latest maybe.
CS: I care about you enough to warn you. Do I lead you on?
Peas: Do you?
CS: Don’t I?
Peas: Fuck, I don’t know. Let’s just do this formal dinner thing as friends. As planned. I’m not pushing you into any corner. You can make your own decisions. I’m in a good place right now, so cool, fine.
CS: I’m not ready to be tied down in a relationship. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.
Peas: You don’t know till you tried.
CS: Sure. But I need time. From my last relationship and to think things through. I can’t at the moment.
Peas: That’s fine, I’m not asking you to. Again, we’re mates, why we having this conversation again?
CS: Just don’t put all your eggs in my basket.
Peas: Well that’s kind of arrogant and self-assuming.
CS: But I dig you. You’re sexy as hell. You make my brain go fuzzy.
Peas: But none of my eggs are in your basket.
CS: Well I’d like some of your eggs in there.
Peas: If I meet someone incredible tomorrow I’m not going to wait for you through your shit.
CS: Good. That’s what I want.
Peas: Good. Whatever.
CS: But if you’re single in a couple of months time….
Peas: What?
CS: Don’t wait for me, but you know.
Peas: No I don’t know. No more attention - expendable attention headed your way. That’s all I know.
CS: But I love it.
Peas: That’s the problem. Right there. It’s fine whatever. Who cares. I know what I want. And I know I don’t want to be fucked around right now. Especially by a former mate. I’ve had enough of that for one year.
CS: OK.
Peas: OK.

Pause.

Peas: So what are you actually saying?
CS: We're mates but keep things open-ended.
Peas: This is fucked up right here. Let’s change the subject. How is your mother?

Sorry, what the fuck just happened there? Actually, I don’t even want to know.

The formal dinner is going to be like a wet day in Benoni. Not particularly incredible. Even though Klo’s dress fits me like a dream, and apparently I look delicious in it.
Fuck men, fuck everything.

I drank two glasses of Chablis with Klo, N and E2, went home and straight to bed, even though everyone went out in Melville. I figured it’s best not to over-analyse and get emotionally drunk over a potentially fatal blow to the upper scapula with a proverbial sledgehammer.

And for once, I’m just going to carry on carrying on. I actually do not care. Seriously, whatevah. I was so disinterested in giving a shit, I even agreed to go along to a party at his place on Saturday evening. With E2 and The Ant.
Wait for it, I wrote the account of Certain Someone’s party severely under the weather:

Saturady:
Ok. Bear with me, wrot ehtis when drunbks:

I am hammered. But you’lll be so proud opf me cos I left his [party before I looked like idiot., That’s right. But we ponly had like one bottle wino.

But hyere’s my iniotials ocnernt: Concerm: Concern: I left party without being ridiculous and ddidn’t lunging him, evenb after he personally serenaded w me with some Oasis song on his guitar, but whatevere, and I left. Befdire o could consider me a drunk person. He bought me wine and shit when we were in an odd part of his ngarden. And phonedc me to see if I was stillk here, but whetever, and I am at hoime,’ I know now when to leave. Am discplineefd.
Whatver,

But. I stopped at Engen Glenhove before got homke. HOW EMBARRSING,. Everybody wa staring at me, I nearly died, and bought like half of the shop. NO but6 sreiously. Biltongh, a Heat magaxzinr, and a nilkshake, and Marlboro lihgjts. And a b deaoderant, and a pie.

Fuck. Everyone staring, and I feel like a dumbass get me outta this shop malerady.
E keeps on phoning me to see if ok. Shweet, thanks babe,I’m fine!!!!!!!!!!

Home nowe, but chrsoit,. I am freaked out by Engen Quicxk Shopss. I will never go therevplastered again. It’s too hectic.

But end of storyL : left Csertain Someone’s house before any of my drunkness coame out. Walked me to my car abd acted as sober a spossible. Never blog when skutters, but what fun.
I’ll read this on Monday and be horrifiedg.

And I did. And was.
I got home at 10:00pm. Luckily no scene.

38 comments:

Kate said...

I dont get it! What was he trying to say, and what was the conclusion? Explain it to us slow chappies please.
;)

Peas on Toast said...

Kate I walked outta there thinking the same thing. I have absolutely no idea what he is saying. But if I had to guess:

"I'll shtoink you, but no strings attached."

To which I concur:
"Fuck off. I'm not interested."

:)

PS: I'm cool. Amazingly.

Koekie said...

Looks like single or attached, men were just causing issues this weekend.

Either they're not communicating, or they're communicating unnecessarily. Your drunken post made about as much sense as his initiated conversation... ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Lol - I know Koekie.
I've realised I'm cut for this whole dating vibe. I'm over it.

He's even managed to obliterate my surging libido with this stupid conversation over the weekend. So that's good.

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas Peas Peas...

Walk away! I'm so fucking over these "I don't know what I want" people. It really pisses me off as they always assume they're the controlling factor in the relationship.

That's such a cheek. "I like you so I'm going to warn you." These people need to learn that life is a series of hurts, not some magical journey ride.

That my dear was a "let's bee fuck buddies" proposal.

You're too cool for someone like that!

Have a super kieff day now!

Oh oh, and be ready... I'm in JHB this coming weekend!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah thanks Kev!

No for sure. I figured I could very well make him my fuck buddy, but that would fuck with my head something epic. And I've worked so hard to get it right!
So no.

I have walked away. If he one day makes the effort to blow me away with his advances and I happen to be single, fine. But for the moment, I'm just carrying on.

Yay that you're in JHB this weekend! Wanna come and save me from my potentially awful singles formal??

Kevin Cadman said...

What, pray tell, is a singles formal? I'm in a different province so I'm keen to try anything (you know, I can make an ass of myself and only the blogosphere will know). I'm actively trying to meet as many people as possible while I'm up there. So... if you're serious... give me details!

Kate said...

I think that is the worst "get the emotional stuff out the way" dodge ever! I asked even though it was pretty much what I had assumed, because I couldnt believe I'd read it right.

Peas on Toast said...

Kev - I'm going to a singles formal dinner with Certain Someone as my date mate. Yay. Whatever. But I'm certain we'll head someone afterwards, so if I have an inkling of where we going afterwards, I'll be sure to let you know. :)

Kate - I know. I officially announce myself a manorexic.

Kevin Cadman said...

Haha! You sound tremedously excited!

That's awesome. Just a fore-warning: there WILL be tequila!

Jam said...

Flashback to more than 5 months ago: A gorgeous man tempts Jam. Jam tells gorgeous man that she's interested but cannot promise man that she won't mess him around or hurt his feelings. Man and Jam go for it anyway. Jam is now really happy, is not behaving like a dickhead and has no desire to run away from Man. You just never know. I protested and look where I am now.

Peas on Toast said...

Kev - :)

Jam - I did think of you dollface over this weekend reagrding this. I don't want to be the personpushing though. And I refuse, I've run out of energy and I don't care that much.
Oh well. Life goes on! And it's moving fast. What with being bogged down with work. *sigh*

Koekie said...

Don't you mean 'blogged' with work?

Oh, I crack me up. And on a Monday too.

Anonymous said...

Ah...

Relationships rock!

Alcohol rocks!

Together... 'nuf said

Jam said...

And that is the funniest blog post (the Engen bit) I have read for a while.
I guess you need to decide whether CS is really really worth it or not. And if you're not sure, don't go there! My Man just knew it was right, and turned out to be right.

Champagne Heathen said...

Bluddy hell, that you don't need. At least you two discussed things. I reckon you should bumble along and see what life offers up next, rather than making any decisions in this situation.

fly said...

Seems to me like there are more and more people like this out there...and I hate to say it i'm going down that same road...

I mean why give a toss when no-one else does ???...shoot the hoops and see who scores seems to be the general attitude nowadays...

Jam said...

But sometimes it IS worth it...!
I guess it also depends on what you're looking for - a fuck buddy, lifelong partner, a friend?

zuzula said...

I'm sorry, but your friend CS is just lame. never go out with anyone who isn't going to worship the ground you walk on. Because hell, they should!

Martin said...

Sounds like TheGirl and you have something in common :-)

Now all you need to do is write a book and get interviewed by Sharon Osbourne!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guys.

Zu - I garee. I want him to worship the ground I walk on.

Jam - If it is worth it, I'm hopinh he'll realise sooner than later.

Fly - tell me about it. Score, move on, score move on...

Martin - will check out your link. Sharon Osbourne, help me with my love life.

Champers - yip, just going to carry on as usual...

Anon - alcohol rocks. Relationships, they do not exist in my world.

Champagne Heathen said...

"Score, move on, score move on... alcohol rocks. Relationships, they do not exist in my world"

Quite disturbingly, it almost sounds like you are saying this like it's a BAD thing. !?!?!

Anonymous said...

I be just so damn proud that you didn't have a durnken encounter! You were inebriated and managed to walk away, congratulations you empowered female! You do our sex proud :o)

P.S. Read you were a Bill Bryson fan, his autobiography "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid" is out this month, if you need a distraction from the turmoils of life, love and all that confusing stuff in between, it's a riot!

b said...

I've always wondered how guys get a fuck buddy system going.

What do you say to the girl? How the fuck are you going to get her to buy into it?

Now I've got a (non)working model of a real fuck buddy proposal to develop and refine. Thanks CS!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - ha ha! NEVER! :)

Ah Anon!- Thanks man. I must say through the haze of inebriation, I still managed to leave when things were good - so fucking happy about that right now! :)
Bill Bryson is the King. I will definitely look out for it!

B - CS's roundabout proprosal hardly worked...but use it, don't use it. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Hiya

What a doos! kinda fucks up a friendship and detroys the air of mystery surrounding a prospective hook-up in one kak discussion.

B - this is a classic 'how not to do it' scenario.

Option A. 'He Peas, we're good friends and I value that friendship. I'd rather not fuck it up since I'm probably a selfish bastard. How about I buy you a tequila.'

Option B. ' Hi Peas, I dig your ass, shall we see where this leads.
How about I buy you a tequila.'

Option C. 'Peas, how about I buy you a tequila.'

but no he managed to really kill any spirit, excitement or anticipation by saying:
'Peas, I'd like to shag you, maybe use you til I get bored and go find some other pussy but don't you think I'm a nice guy asking first. So how about it??'

..and not even a single tequila in the offing.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you've got it sunshine.

So I'm back to buying my own tequilas now. Oh wait...

Kade said...

Hey peas. I'm new to this shit and really dig it. I normally just read these blog things but decided to comment about this guy, cause i'm a guy and think i know what he's saying. i think he really likes you wants to hook up but is trying to be a 'bad-ass' at the same time. I know this pretty well cause i've become pretty good at messing shit up this way.

Good luck!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Kade.

For sure. He wants to wander when he's bored. If this was a random freind where I had no feeligns involved, I'd go for it. Simply to get a boofing. Seriously.
But I know I wouldn't come out better for it.

So I carry on, and if he suddenly decides he's head over heels for me then we'll see. I guess.

Sort of.

Revolving Credit said...

I see my spelling is as atrocious as usual, obviously not enough tequila.

Kate said...

I think Jam's got a point. When Jono asked me out I said he didnt want to get involved mith me, as I was just out of another relationship and bound to be a wreck, but he persued anyway, and I cracked. That was 4.5 yrs ago - Boy, was I wrong!!

But the difference is that I was genuinely warning him that I had just broken someone else's heart and didnt want to hurt him, whereas I think CS is just covering his own ass so he can get a great lay and then say "I told you I wasnt in it for the mushy (no pun intended) stuff".

Know what i mean?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I never noticed m'dear. :)

Kate - Yip I know exactly what you mean. I've been in your position myself.
In a nutshell: I'm over the games and shite. I'm over anything involving the opposite sex. And boy does it feel great. xx

other-duke said...

Did you have a voice recorder with you or did you transcribe an episode of Loving and change the names?

How do you remember conversations in that much detail?!

Can't believe you blogged drunk. Naughty. Naughty!

Well done for leaving before getting out of control.

Jam said...

Just curious about something here - I was the same as Kate - came out of a relationship, knew I was a train smash and didn't want to train smash all over someone else. But of course I was horny and was happy to shag if the other person was happy with that too. Which he was. Which you're not Peas. Didn't you say that CS just came out of a relationship?

Peas on Toast said...

O-D: I's sad isn't it? That my life can be transcribed like a fudging sopa opera. :)

I just remember details. Even when I'm hammered. It's odd. And detrimental. :)

Jam - yip. CS had a long distance relationship for 6 months. So nothing intense, but he broke up with her a month ago. Perhaps this has something to do with stuff. although I'm not wanting to justify his speech right now.

kabintsimbi said...

damn, you're a hoot! I'm sorry I missed you when you were here in the gtown! Fuck yeah (can I swear, what the fuck) for walking away on Saturday night, hat off to you!

Re: the "coffee" conversation...he's from Mars & you're from Venus! It's as simple as that...the communication btw men & women has become one of "what, huh, hey, I don't understand what you're trying to say" comments.

I'm totally sitting in a similar chair as you, the guy wants you but they don't! Just doesn't make sense...but I just can't stop wanting my guy! How do you do it? I think I'm way too inexperienced for this alien talk shit! Fuck, I already need a drink, again!

But hat off to you Peas (can I call you that?) for walking away & self-indulging in some Quick shop quickies!

Jam said...

Good for you. Because when I realised that said Man was actually in love with me, I refused to shag anymore for fear of hurting him further. (That was until I decided to be with him!)
Make your own rules, make sure you don't get hurt. Run off with someone else - trust me, you'll know in a flash if he's serious or not...

Peas on Toast said...

Keighley - hello dollface! Pity to have missed you in the Town of Fun & Games as well! :)

So you're in my position as well eh? Stay strong. I'm telling you, since I refuse to give him any more attention, I have been getting emails from him today. About how excited he is about this formal I'm taking him to. If only he knew how not-happy about this I am.

I suppose I've just learnt not to settle for second best anymore. Or I'm dumb. Who knows? ;)

Jam - You know, I'm tempted. To run off with someone else. The reaction would be good. But no, I'll try and be mature about this. Somehow. Sigh*