Ten smart ways to budget when you have a serious cash flow problem:
1) Attend as many press conferences as possible. For the free lunch afterwards. Sure, the number-crunching, percentages-everywhere Power Point year-end results presentation isn’t going to be the most exciting two hours of your life, but really, there is no such thing as a ‘free’ lunch. Per se. Sure, trying to keep your eyes open will take some effort on your behalf. But focus on the prize: the free finger buffet afterwards.
2) Think like a student: Take your Fitzy (vodka and cola tonic) in a non-descript water bottle to the pub, instead of buying. E taught me this one.
3) Only use your phone during Call More time. Or use the office phone for chat sandwich emergencies. I received my phonebill yesterday and very nearly had a hernia. Noted for future reference. (Fuck, how much do I talk? It’s ridiculous.)
4) Don’t rev too much, change into fifth as quickly as possible, and drive with the windows closed to save on fuel. (This isn’t a problem for me – since I can’t actually open my windows).
5) Don’t go near Sandton City, Rosebank Mall, The Oriental Plaza. If you do, stare straight ahead, don’t get distracted by the lights or flashy blingy things in the windows calling your name. (Peas…Peas…PEAS….You want me…yes you do…get out that cash Peas…)
6) Use your free-entry-before-10:30pm-Manhattan Club Ladies VIP card (oh yes, I’m the proud owner of one of these babies). You may lurk on your own until everyone arrives at a reasonable clubbing hour (midnight), but you saved yourself sixty bucks.
7) Ask your boyfriend/mate/your mum to have you over for dinner. Ask all three and dinner’s sorted for half the week.
8) Cut out luxuries that aren’t completely necessary. Most luxuries are a necessity these days, unfortunately. But not buying the heat magazine this month has saved me another sixty dinieros.
9) Stop smoking. Unrealistic. Ignore.
10) Steal toilet rolls from the water closet at work. OK, this is when things get desperate. If you ever reach this stage, you’ll also be picking up change off the pavement, stealing people’s drinks in night clubs and trying to sell your Nintendo game consol on eBay. Let’s hope I never get to this level of desperation.
I got tagged by Jam yesterday: Make up a table of ten at an exclusive restaurant like, say ,The Ivy, in LA.
My ten chosens would be:
1) Peas On Toast. (Naturally. I’d be at the head of the table.)
2) Alicia Keys. (Purely for perving potential. She’s hottt)
3) Jake Gyllenhaal. (See above. Menage?)
4) The Queen. (Bless her, I reckon she’s a card. As Eddie Izzard says: “Fuck off, I’m the Queen!”)
5) That said, Eddie Izzard.
6) Tchaikovsky. (Yes, I know he’s dead, but this is a fantasy dinner afterall, and I need to pick his brain)
7) Michael Bolton. (Hello? Quality post-dinner serenading)
8) Chris Rock. (As long he does Rodney the talking guinea pig impression from Dr Doolittle.)
9) Michael Naicker.
10) Twakkie OR Corne. Whoever can make it.
My waiters (I tag:) Zuzula
and My flatmate.
This afternoon, a whole lot of us are heading to the Free State to spend a boozy yet chilled weekend at C's farm. No nightclubs, but we'll rather get hammered amongst the Massey Ferguson's and prize cattle.
Bring it on.