Saturday, November 18, 2006

parts and padded pants

Well isn’t this nice.
My colleague Darryl– married and 43 – and his having the hots for me, has worked out rather nicely. On hearing about the bustation of my two electric windows, and the aneurysm that followed on getting a quote for 12 000 ront for parts and labour, has wittingly taken the challenge upon himself to relieve me of diabolical bankruptcy and post-traumatic stress disorder.

The man found me genuine Volkswagen parts on eBay. For a fraction on the price I was quoted by the Volksie Vuckers.
He rang the workshop in the UK, owned, mind you, by a brethren of Pakistani mechanics. And since yesterday, after meekly handing over credit card details, I am having £150 worth of window paraphernalia shipped to me from a town called Berwick-Upon-Tweed.

I jest you not.

£150 is around R2 100. Including labour, shipping, customs – both my electric windows will cost me around R3 500. My colleague, Darryl, has saved me a whopping R8 500, mental incapitation annihilation, not to mention the saving of embarrassment when it comes to having to open doors to retrieve tickets from machines in public parking lots.

I await with baited breath for said parts – Ichbal assures us they’ll arrive in two weeks. He also couldn’t tell us whether the parts fell off the back of a truck, or whether he thieved them from another Beetle in Berwick-Upon-Tweed.
But if this works out, I definitely owe Darryl a bottle of the classy stuff.

On another note completely: I have been avoiding thinking about this sodding 94.7 km race I’m supposed to be riding on Sunday. Every time I think about it, I mock charge.

Until yesterday, I was going into this thing with nothing but dread. Then I changed that. I decided to drop out. Only for about two and a half seconds, because that would make me a complete loser. Not to mention being reminded of how much of a drop out I am for the rest of my living days by the boyfriend and Moogs. So I have found a happy medium:

On Sunday, I’ll be riding the 54.7. I am doing just over half the race. Correct. At my own pace, I’ll stop for alcoholic bevvies with mates who I have positioned strategically around the province, and then my mum will pick me up somewhere near the Dome in an air-conditioned vehicle.

This way, I don’t opt out completely, I get to enjoy the race, I don’t commit suicide (because doing the whole thing would mean the end of me), and I get to get drunk as I do it. So no comments referring to the former please.

Wish me luck. 54.7 kilometres isn’t anything to sneeze at afterall.

51 comments:

Champagne Heathen said...

If you only make it to Wanderers, or as far as Wanderers - I don't know which way the city is riding on Sunday, you can stop for a pint & some cricket action with us! It won't be hard to spot us, we'll be the only fools sitting in the rain, drinking, oblivious to the fact that neither team is on the field.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Champers :) I'm going to need a lot of alcohol when I through with this thing, believe you me.

Pete said...

I said good day!

Good show on finding the parts bargain, here's hoping that the installation goes well and you regain your Sandton City dignity:)

Have you considered seeing what you feel like after the half? Maybe it's not so bad and yuo can makes the full 94.7?

Oh, also, seeing as it's friday and, judging from the last few weeks it's only a matter of time before the conversation turns to all thing fanny, I'll just start it now.

Poen poen poen poen poen.

Peas on Toast said...

Pete! Hello my little poen. (It's an affectionate term, promise. I call C, one of my best mates Poen afterall).

I thougth about that - if I'm not doubled over with cramps, or my ass isn't on fire, I'll plod on for as long as possible, maybe by some miracle I'll finish and surprise everyone!

But I'm not making any promises. Let's hope the parts arrive hey? Ichbal sounded a little dodge, to say the least. :)

Pete said...

Well, if nothing else you'll have a great atory to tell during the alcool feuled race. And the credit card receipts to prove it.

Alcohol feuled? Does that make you like a dragster?!

kabintsimbi said...

nice connection...it's all so sneaky puff-adder like! So incognito!

The cycle won't be too bad man, once you get going you'll have fun..altough I suppose I would also not be a keen bunny for such a distance! I thought Sundays were a day of rest anyway! Throw that curveball at them & if they have a problem, tell them to take it up with the organisers...their stupidity, not yours!

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - Yeah...let's hope they're no casualties. But I'm thinking Jaegerbombs. The Red Bull and Yaygie should jet propel me: if not in the wrong direction...

Kab - I figure there was no disclaimer on my form saying I couldn't get hammered during the race, so I'm keen as mustard. :)

Daytripper said...

you'll get arrested for drunken peddling!
By the way, have you got yourself some of those lovely padded pants to avoid getting peddlers poen?

Champagne Heathen said...

What on earth is peddlars poen?!?!?

(Sorry, I'm with Pete, let's just get the Fri convo started now as already it is a slow day)

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah dude. I have some of those very flattering poen-protectors....happy days.
:)

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I'm thinking a sore poen from too much peddling.

Daytripper said...

Peddlers poen: numb, dysfunctional poen casued by too much time in the saddle... oh hang on, I mean on a bike!

Jam said...

You've already done a 40km ride before...and if you feel good, carry on past the 54.7 km and surprise yourself!!!!!!!!!
Poen protectors are a must..I know this well from my days of cycling (long since over) You'll walk like a cowboy if you don't have them.
So good luck!

Jam said...

PS Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!! It's Friday!!!!!!

Daytripper said...

yabba yabba yes yes yes!
Come play at the Bo Ho tonight... real live rock and roll and cheap beer on offer! Oh, and dubious company in dodgy surroundings, I mean come on, you just don't get better than that on a friday evening in the city!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam, yippee indeed! And not a moment too soon. I'll def try and join you guys later - sounds WONDERFUL - after my birthday dinner this evening. Make a sneaky manouevre to the Bo....;)

Champagne Heathen said...

OH! THAT'S Peddlars Poen. I know well what that is - although not from cycling or saddles. :)

And DayTripper - I'm not THAT dubious!!

Peas - we'll load you up on the cheap beer so you are sure to be carbo-loaded!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Champers, you're a mate! ;)

tBerry said...

Hey Peas!
Good luck with getting the parts, you're braver than me trusting some Ichbal oke in dodgy-upon-stolenpartsville.
As for the 94.7, I've done the Argus a few times and it is definately worthwhile considering an extra padded saddle to go along with the poen padding.
Love Friday vajayjay talk!

Revolving Credit said...

While we all know that you've been trying to get back in the saddle for a while, I don't think this is the type of pounding you hoped your poen would be taking.

I suspect that the only type of alcohol you'll be interested in after the race will be rubbing alcohol. Get some hot physio at one for these cycle roadside workshops to rub you up the right way.

PS. Don't get the rubbing alcohol anywhere near the punished poen.

Peas on Toast said...

tBerry - thanks guy. I know, I'm sceptical about Ichbal. If the parts arrive, I'll throw a party! :)

Rev - my poen's gonna take a punishing. I'll feel more used thean the village bicycle after this. No pun intended.

Pete said...

YESSS!!!! Poen talk, the only choice for keeping you out of work on a slow Friday.

Revolving Credit said...

How about a brief musical interlude:

'Pudendum, dee, dee, dum, deedle, dum.....'

Peas on Toast said...

Shake that poen for me, shake the poen for me, oh yeah, shake that poen..OK bad image.

Shake that poen for me, just don't eat Nik Naks, shake that poen for me.

Kate said...

Darryl's a beaut! Even if he's perv-motivated...Yay for car parts!

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - yeah isn't he a darling? The man is also repsonsible for helping me with my so-called 'training.' He's the guy I rode the 40 km race with like three weeks ago...(he's patient like that - bless.)

kyknoord said...

"...I definitely owe Darryl a bottle of the classy stuff..." I hope that isn't a euphemism.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - finally someone picked up on that! :) You bright spark you. Au contraire - I was referring to commercial pinot noir, not the house chablis.

;)

Shortypam said...

gewd luck for the race/peddle-thon/self torture-thon... enjoy sweets!!!!!!! and try not to cycle into the barriers when you'r all dronk-like, and if you do... remember to do it gracefully...

Peas on Toast said...

Shortypam - thanks babeface. I'll try my best...in my padded pants, schvitzing everywhere, pumped on gin and tonic, I should be beeyaydiful. ;)

C said...

hey la poenette, warm up bevvie tonight then???

Peas on Toast said...

La Poenette/Thynthia - dudeface, you betcha. Same place, same time? ;)

3rm said...

i reckon you owe your colleague one of those world famous blow jobs

C said...

yup, same place and time...eeeeeeeeeeeeeek, can hardly contain myself!!! oh, and I think you should save your bloe jobs for New Year...he he he!

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - Just how much dick do you think I have blown? ;)

Poen - Another three hours of hell, and we'll be drinking merry like we always do. Thank fuck.
PS: New Years? LOL.

3rm said...

from what i hear, enough to have your technique completely down. its not necessarily a bad thing. the end justifying the means and all of that

Revolving Credit said...

'The man is also repsonsible for helping me with my so-called 'training.' He's the guy I rode the 40 km race'

Sounds like you rode Darryl for 40km. It's no wander he needs to help you repair the windows - you can't drive with them that steamed up.

3rd Moon Rock - world famous blow jobs. Are you relating this 1st or 2nd hand?

Jam said...

If he's relating it 2nd hand, it can only mean one thing about Peas and her um boyfriend.

Revolving Credit said...

What is 'AHHJUUUFGOOUKLAIIOOM'???

Apparently it's Peas speaking with her mouth full.

Peas on Toast said...

OK - to set you all straight: Moon Rock and I aren't an item. Never have been and never will be, although he is a sweetheart for passing on information about my so-called blowing technique! :)

Rev - I was waiting for you to grab onto the fact that I rode Darrly for 40 kms. Even though I didn't, ten out of ten for 'our' endurance eh? ;)

Jam...which is? ;)

3rm said...

my work here is done. have a good weekend peeps

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, the 2 of you don't have to be an item for you to blow his horn, its just good neighbourliness.

Peas on Toast said...

Luckily for Moon Rock, he has a damsel blowing his horn quite regularly, and exclusively, these days. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, that sounds like a confession.

Peas on Toast said...

Lol!

And if I told you we were cousins?






PS: We're not, but you know.

Revolving Credit said...

I can so hear a banjo playing in the background.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah...we were both born in a bayou, amongst a clan on gator wrestlers.

Our other cousin is a regular on Jerry Springer, and 3RM regulary weras wife beaters.

We come from good stock.

Revolving Credit said...

So which one of you gets to wear that set of dentures today?

Might as well be him as you probably won't be needing it, seeing as you'll be having your mouth full and all.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah...I don't mind sharing my dentures or Sterident with The Roommate, since I luckily still have two teeth - genu-yne teeth - in my mouth.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you have 2 genuine teeth in your mouth.

Are they your own though?

Jam said...

Just because you're not shagging...