Thursday, November 30, 2006

three emails and a dream

The good:

Hey Peas
Next time you watch Home & Away, keep a look out for me.

On the weekend I was at Palm Beach Lifesaving Club - apparently that's the spot they film the series.
Now all I have to do is get to Bonnie Doon. (From The Castle).

The bad:

Dear Miss O’Toast

You do not need to buy an entire door for R5 000 for your car. Nor do you need to order parts for your electric windows off the Internet from some Ichbal character that runs a questionably corrupt operation in the United Kingdom, which will cost you R2 100 without labour.

If I understand correctly, the only mechanism broken in each window are the cables. They are frayed, no? Well a genuine VW cable will cost you R450 per window.

Hope this email gets to you in time,
Kind regards,
Frikkie van de Veldskoen

Of course it didn’t get to me in time. That would be uncharacteristically lucky.
On the bright side, Ichbal’s parts arrived after five days of ordering. They were unused, genuine, and as Volkswagen as The Third Reich.
This still would’ve been cheaper. I don’t get how VW thinks it’s ethically right to try and sell me an entire door - and insist that’s the only way my windows can get fixed - when they could’ve easily given me the parts I needed (2 x cables) instead.

But let’s not be unreasonable now. That just would’ve been too moral.

The bizarre:

I had a strange dream last night. I know why I dreamt it, but explaining that involves bringing Freud into the situation. I dreamt I went to Delhi for a day to see my mate Doc.
I had Smoking Legs' cell phone with me, (which is true, as he left it at my house last night) but I therefore couldn't contact Smoking Legs to tell him I was in India. Then I remembered I had to attend a work bash of his, but I was in Delhi with Doc. In the meantime, I did some sightseeing, took pictures from Doc's apartment in downtown Delhi, then flew back home in time for Smoking Legs' workbash.

The ugly:

Hey Peas

You’ll be pleased to know I spoke to my dad about your wart. You know, the big fat fuck-off thing on your knee? (Is he talking about Yves Saint Lewart?-Ed) Well good news: he is a doctor, so is willing to burn it off for you. It’ll be quick and (fairly) painless. How about before the holidays, like, next week? Or maybe like tomorrow? Or even if you have time during your lunch break today?

Smoking Legs

OK. Hold the phone. I like my wart bucko. Your discussing Yves Saint Lewart and his obliteration thereof with your old man makes me quite put out.
Maybe I want him there forever? Maybe I happen to have grown attached to it? Maybe I like having a barnacle on my knee?

Maybe he’s jealous and he just wants one.

Talk about jumping the gun on Yves.

PS: I’ll think about it.

PPS: And that's very sweet of you to try and organise.


Crusoe said...

Did your dream happen to include Deepak by any chance? I think there was some subliminal shit going on there. You actually wanted to be in India with Deepak!

ChewTheCud said...

The changes are starting already i see ;) It's insidious, first he gets you to remove the wart, next thing you know you're getting Double D implants, wondering where it all went wrong ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Crusoe - you got me babe. The Mango Man Stalker Guy is controlling all my thought processes....;)

Chewy - Double C's would be better. I'm used to having smallish tits. :)

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas... VW are absolute fuckheads.

I had my own nightmare with them.

My 8 month old (30 000km later...) BRAND NEW Golf 5 TDI started giving clutch problems. It would slip whenever it was hot.

I took it in for a service and asked them to check it out. They then tell me that in order to check it they have to open up the gearbox. Oh, and the warranty doesn't cover wear&tear, so if it is this, then I have to pay for the clutch, which will be R10 000.


Anyway, I ended up causing a MASSIVE scene and only paid R1200.

It's all you need to do unfortunately: making a scene always gets results.

About your dreams... very odd.

About your wart... do it, do eeet! I think guy-you-definitely-are-no-doubt-about-it-seeing gets a bit freaked out when it rubs against him during sexy-time (the last thing you want is for HIM to break out in little Yves...)!

Okay bye now ;)

Jam said...

Oh dear. He should love you, warts and all.

Peas on Toast said...

Kev - it's amazing how many stories I've heard about VW clutches and gearboxes. It's really depressing.

Jam - I know he offered because he knows I actually do want to get rid of it. In all honesty, Yves has gotta go. ;)

Antoine said...

Unfortunately VW do have a "do it the easy (and expensive) way" culture.

Get your car in and out as quickly as possible and charge as much as possible.

Which is why there are so many Grey Market repair/service shops for VW. Methinks it is about time we (and I mean we as I have a VW) stop using the dealers and use the small trusted garages that have a good reputation.

On that note - allow me to picture the double C's and get to work.

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - that's so true. When I got my new set of break discs, I got them from a spares grey market shop and they cost half the price! It's definitely mass-industrial quick, easy and expensive.

And this just doesn't wash with me. It's crazy.

Kevin Cadman said...

Antoine: if only it was that simple.

See, there's more to every story - especially when there's a warranty involved.

In my situation, I simply couldn't go to another place. I called other clutch places and they told me that ONLY VW do Golf 5 clutches because you cannot get pirate parts and VW won't supply 3rd party workshops with the originals.

Then... you lose your warranty too.

In all fairness, Alpine in Pinetown really did respond well to my bitching. They only charged me cost for labour (which the warranty wouldn't cover) and gave me a free hire car.

It's all about causing a scene eh ;)

I basically said to them that if they do not sort it out, I will cause a scene bigger than anything they've ever seen before. I will get people to boycott their dealership and let every person I may ever meet know about them.

They listened! (It was wear and tear on the clutch too!)

Peas on Toast said...

Kev - that's the spirit! I will be writing another letter to VW today and it's not going to be a 'how are you today?' let's put it that way.

Kevin Cadman said...

Peas... if I can give you any advice, it would be not to write a letter.

Call the dealership you've dealt with and speak to the service manager or the dealer principle.

Also, explain that you are a journalist and have a readership over approximately 250 people per day on ONE of your websites.

Bad publicity will scare the fuck out of them.

Suppose you've already paid for the part though ;(

Peas on Toast said...

Kev excellent idea. I'll put on my scary pyscho bitch voice as well. Will keep you posted.

kyknoord said...

R450 for a cable?? Is it a magic cable? Does it sodomise hijackers when they try to open your door? How is it possible that such a valuable item could break in the first place?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - apparently it is the cable to end all cables. Made from purest, solidest aluminium and untouchable by the common man.

duke said...

urh. get rid of the wart. no need to see sinister controlling motives behind it - warts are just grim. who knows where they might turn up next?

And nothing's a bigger turn-off than a poenwart.

tBerry said...

As they say in India....

Get em india!

My wife was just commenting on how unbelievably reliable my BMW is... tempted fate she did. yesterday my A/C refused to turn off, so now car is in the shop and I got a call saying A/C fixed but lots more probs... lucky for motor plan. unlucky I got no car now...

Peas on Toast said...

duke - seriously? poenwarts are unattractive? ;) No I realise Yves' days are limited, and I suppose that's a blessing...

tBerry - unlucky bugger! So while my windows don't open and I'm schvitzing in my own sweat, you're freezing your ass off in an A/C that won't turn off. I don't know which is worse.

Urk said...

Peas - mushy warts on toast does have a nice ring to it.. as for VW, i saw a guy cruising around with a HUGE banner in this rear window saying " I got shocking service from VW"...maybe you should have bought a french car. even if they do smell and look like old hairy onions, and frive as fast as legless froggies ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Urk - the irony is I didn't buy a French car based on their terrible reputation.

I think I'll follow this VW Sign Guy's lead though - I'm digging it.
"Don't let the cuteness of this car fool you. It's a Volkswagen."

Urk said...

"it may be a bug on the outside, but its actually a pig-dog in disguise "

Peas on Toast said...

"VW made this pile of shite. Keep clear."

Urk said...

"VW - its a Vokken Waste"

Urk said...

"VW? you should be Very Worried" / "Vensters Werk-nie" / "Very Wonky" / "Vehicular Warts"

Kate said...

hey Peas!
You have every right to love your wart! But one warning: leaving it there could lead to extra grossness - I had a wart on one of my toes and it fell off. Just cleanly up and left one night, and i found it in the sheets. I almost threw up! I dont know why but it was a million times grosser off my body than on!

Peas on Toast said...

Nice one Urk. ;)

Kate - woah...that must've been a mock charge situation of note. If Yves came off in my bed I'd probably park a tiger!

ChewTheCud said...

rofl - thats insane kate. it just fell off, roots and all? urgh! at least it was only one, could have been more ;P

Kate said...

I guess I was lucky. I've only ever had the one wart, on my toes and quite small, but uuurgghh!! How yuck is that little thing rolling around in your sheets all night!

Kate said...

oops toes = toe

Urk said...

the only thing worse than a wart is a natal sore. thats a wart that's been beaten with the uuuugly stick...

Peas on Toast said...

OK I've made a consolidated decision based on the last five comments to rid myself of my wart.

Smoking Legs' dad better start chilling the liquid nitrogen, I'm coming over.

other-duke said...

Your first mistake was buying a VW, your second was expecting to not get screwed over by them... I had a VW once, actually, let's not go there, my blood's boiling.

Have you ever seen docs apartment? perhaps you should email him and describe it, you could be spot on and then it means that you exist in a parallel universe

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - it's funny hey. For all the crap my car has given me, I still love Ludwig. I suppose one loves their children unconditionally. He's costing me an ovary to send him to a private school, I mean the shop, but I still stare at him fondly...but next time I'll be sure to conceive a smarter idea than falling for a cute car!

Doc's sent me lost of pics of his place, from all angles, outside, inside, the couch, so my dream was these pics all patched together. It was very surreal.

Champagne Heathen said...

A poen-wart!?!?! I am so happy to say I have no clue what those look or feel like. Eugh. And thank goodness you don't have one of those Peas. Could you imagine Smoking Legs Senior removing that! It would be just a little too much family sharing!

Peas on Toast said...


Thanks heavens it's not a poenwart.
Smoking Legs Senior: "Right. close your eyes and open your legs."


Champagne Heathen said...

I am just shivering in the horror of such a thought. Kinda like Jeremy Irons & that brunette in that movie DAMAGE.

ALTHOUGH....if Smoking Legs Senior DOES look like Jeremy Irons, hell, I would be quite happy to hear him say, "Right. close your eyes and open your legs..."...!

other-duke said...