Tuesday, September 18, 2007

characters

The characters that make up this world, thank fuck for them.

Those with crazy eccentricities, who are a little nuts around the edges, or those who are simply larger than life.
These are the ones that have shaped my life so far:

My father. He doesn't know what a clock is – biologically or literally. He's still a kid at heart, and he will still phone me at the oddest hours - day and night – to tell me something funny. Or like nowadays, for dating advice. Sharp sense of humour, a genius, a heart of gold.

Freddy Krueger (Of Nightmare on Elm Street fame). The dude's got a face that looks like a pizza, has knives for fingers – possibly the most frightful non-character in the world. He eats little children, laughs in the face of death (for he never dies), and is handy with a chainsaw and other machine-operated gardening and household equipment. Which he merrily slays people with.
If I came home to Freddy chilling in my lounge, well, I'd probably have an aneurisym, but then offer him a stiff tequila in the hope he won't dismember me and/or feed off my leg. Maybe he just needs to get laid or something.

The Doff People & The Genius People. And how these two can mix. I always find this most fascinating. Someone can come across as super vacuous or ditzy, and yet, have a PhD in quantum physics. It always amazes me. Pure geeks aren't usually like this though, they're probably the genius' that fit the stereotype the most. I happen to find this outrageously sexy.

The Cape Coloured Dude Who Painted Our Digs In 2nd Year. I spent hours alone in the house with this guy, who drank Autumn Harvest Crackling like it was his business, and occasionally, I imagine, show methylated spirits whose boss. He disappeared one day, because he “got sent back to Valkenberg Mental Hospital.” Sent back? He'd escape again, arrive on our doorstep, scream obscenities at us (words like pous and volepte came up a lot), and then get bundled into a cop car. Once he ambled in and on questioning, claimed to be doing a dump in our back garden.

Similarly, The Lady Man Who Lived On The Porch. This is why I miss Cape Town, for no other reason actually, except for the Cape Coloureds. I just love 'em.
Never truer was a character as this woman. Or was she even a woman?
The moustache above her upper lip suggested otherwise. She dragged a bin around with her and willy-nilly had naps on people's porches. She took a particular liking to Ex S' porch and this became her regular screaming-obscenities-at-passersby ground, until one day, through the threatening medium of a golf club, she was forced to go.
Her revenge? She defacated all over the porch. That'll show them. It was unbelievably revolting. But one can't deny she's a character.

Satan. He's an evil sonofbitch, he lives in a flamy inferno, he takes pleasure in the screams of the common people, and he believes in the mass fornication of the human species. Not a nice dude, or so I hear, but has made the history books, if not for just being one helluva character.

Most Of My Friends. They're all characters, and large one's at that, in their own way. A nice social experiment would be to lock two friends at a time in a padded cell together and see what happens. Like Big T and The Dove for instance. Both huge but very different characters in their own right. Big T would talk the hind leg off a donkey, tell Dove about the thread count in his latest Armani, and give her a business card. Dove will tell him to shut the fuck up and get real. Then they'll talk about deeper issues, like the meaning of life.

26 comments:

Leigh-Anne said...

When I moved to Cape Town 3 years ago I was similarly fascinated by Cape Coloured Culture...

My boyfriend's mom has a regular visitor - Matty, The Resident Walmer Estate Bergie. Matty only wears Nikes, doesn't drink box wine (because it ages one!) regularly asks for soap to have his clothes washed, and is quite the epicure - he even requests basmati rice when offered butter chicken!

For some reason I find all of it absolutely fascinating, but I sometimes wonder if it makes me a closet racist that I notice stuff like this?

Hmmm... Too deep to think about on a Tuesday morning!

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - closet racist? Highly doubt that. Racism depicts hate, or intolerance for people of a different colour. You're embracing a different race, and none of your words - like mine - signify hate or intolerance, and it's only natural to see the differences.

tyrone said...

Morning Peas.

I'm thinking that if Freddy did decide to chill on your couch, a Tequila is not the way to make friends!

You're a woman. Freddy's a man. He doesn't want Tequila.

Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - eew. I'm not certain if Freddy has a libido for crazy monkey sex; perhaps just an incessant craving for mass killing.

Perhaps I'd offer him a drink laced with tranquilisers. Because I am not prepared to copulate with the bugger. ;)

SheBee said...

Freddy still gives me nightmares. Honestly the scariest character ever invented. Read a book about Elm street once. Peed myself that night I think.

Eeeeeew. **shivers down my body** I'm all freaked out now.

Revolving Credit said...

Ahh....the phantom shitter strikes again.
Don't you just hate when that happens?

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - it's funny, cos as a kid, he used to make me want to shit myself myself I was so terrified of him. Now, he's kind of ...cheesy. You know, that 80s-style formatic film that is pretty fake. Watch it again, I'm telling you, it's super cheesy :)

Rev - yeah it's a bitch. :)

Anonymous said...

So have Freddy Krueger and Satan influenced your life so far?

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - much like Jesus and Bridget Jones.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

My grandmother works at Valkenburg - if you told me your coloured painter dude's name I could ask her to find out how he's doing....

zuzula said...

a belated happy birthday hon - am getting a grip on reality once more.

I've also got a new blog - zuzula ain't no twentysomething anymore (sob sob sob) - please visit! xx

Peas on Toast said...

Cheap thrills - awesome, I'm sure she's seen some pretty intense stuff in her life! The man's name is Romano....

Zu - so glad to hear you doing better and holding up my dear. Will definitely pop in for a visit. xx

ThomG said...

Peas, characters everywhere. Makes blogging/writing almost easy. Thank fucking God for all of 'em.

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - thank fuck indeed. And yes, does inspire one to hang it all out on ze blog :)

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