Tuesday, September 04, 2007

online life

Something to avert my current job-seeking distraction. And a quick note on that, to all those who left me supportive comments and offered their help yesterday – thank you so much.

I've been meaning to write about the following for a while, and have finally put it into words after I was told, gently mind you, that I am certainly very different from how I come across in this blog.

I was told, over the weekend, that I can be perceived as “aggressive.” I've heard a few things relaying to my online character, but “aggressive,” fused with a bottle of wine, didn't go down too rationally.

Perhaps I do. I mean, this is a place where I can say 'fuck' a lot after all. It is also a place where I get to rant and rave about something that is annoying me – and afterwards feel sensationally better once the hectic bit of slothness has been spewed herein.
In case you take things like “drown me in a vat of tequila” quite literally, as much as I'd love to dive head-first into a reservoir of Cuervo Gold, it simply isn't feasible. (Maybe in Mexico though. I will look into it.)

I've heard this kind of sentiment towards my 'blog' personality many times before. People saying, “You're certainly not as hectic in real life, as I would draw from your blog ramblings.” My confidence was even questioned once, as in “Hang on...you're not the opinionated superbitch you come across as in your blog. Are you alright?” Well of course I'm alright. Sometimes, believe it or not, I'm just...normal.

Other variations of the above have included, “Isn't she just going to bite your head off?” and “Wouldn't touch that ('that' being moi) with a barge pole.”
Well looking through my archives, and reading back on the last three years, I wouldn't touch me with a barge pole either. If you've ever written a diary – especially during the most temperamental years of your life – and you've gone back to read through these, without feeling sheer appallation[sic], then you obviously haven't been as pissed off as I have been before. Good for you; you're probably on Grade A sedatives.

Diaries, and blogs especially, shouldn't be sources on which to base an entire person's character. As much as this blog is me, and as much as I throw my life up here, it's still only a piece of my somewhat complicated character. The other pieces of me aren't available for human consumption in this public domain, I'm afraid.
Because writing about how great my food tastes isn't particularly therapeutic – most of the time, it's usually a post involving a fair amount of swearing and opinionated vulgarity.

Blogs – gotta love 'em. For the (almost) freedom of (almost) speech alone.
I don't blog because I want to make new friends. I blog because it's my (fucking) catharsis.

Sometimes, I'm the girl at the edge of a party looking on. Sometimes I actually have nothing to say at all. Sometimes I'm the one feeling more vulnerable than anyone else. There was that one time when I didn't sing karaoke, back in 2001, after all.
Other times, I just wanna drown myself in a vat of tequila.

30 comments:

boldly benny said...

Hey Peas

I can totally relate when I was going through my break-up my posts were exceptionally raw and really quite depressing. When my friends found and read my blog they were convinced I was about to off myself and started phoning me constantly, which was lovely but meant that I had to convince them that my blog is the most extreme version of my feelings and once I've written them down, it's a way of letting them go!

Good luck with the job hunting and when people say insenstive things like that remember it says more about them than you xB

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - thanks babe, I knew you'd relate! I blak at some of the things I've written, hence why my full archives aren't up for show :)

My mother pops in every now and then, as much as I've told her not to - and every now and then get a concerned phonecall asking whether I'm about to throw a toaster in the bath. When it's, as you say, an extreme version of what's going on. Anyway, thanks for your words and your help yesterday my dear, very much appreciated!
xx

Champagne Heathen said...

Cheers to that!
Never let The Herd get you down.

Mel said...

Hi Peas, not related to this post, but I just have to ask... Various posts on Wibble including "Helen for President" - is that your dad?

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - Nope, I never would. Luckily, I'm not too perturbed about what people think of me, especially if they only know me through this blog.

Mel - how'd you guess? ;) His other career involved writing copious letters to people in parliament. Weekly.

Mel said...

I can imagine a Friday afternoon session going something like "And to end things off on a lighter note - would anyone like to share their letter from Mr Peas?" I really enjoyed his conspiracy theory veiled comment "Open letter to The Cape Times (20 November 2006). Not published for some reason...hmmm."

At least your dad is entertaining!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Mel, yip you've pretty much summed him up: he's extremely entertaining. Eccentric, entertaining and cares deeply for politics and environmental problems in this country.

He also bombards the powers that be with letters on a weekly basis. They call him by his first name. Bless his heart.

Sweetass RSA said...

roger that! you have quite a scary side to you peas, you have to admit... never a bad thing :-)you just say it like it is!

Peas on Toast said...

sweetass - ha ha, roger that. I'm not syaing I can't be a bitch, because I certainly can.

But I'm not a bitch 24 hours a day. It comes in bursts :)

Revolving Credit said...

It's kinda just like no-one wants to believe that I'm actually a quiet mousy librarian who drinks chai tea and studies avian plummage for fun....hahaha

And trust me, from the comments and responses I've read, I'm sure there are lots of people out there who would want to 'touch' you...possibly even with their 'barge pole'.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - hahahahaha! A librairian? Is this where you pick up chicks with your bargepole my dear?

;)

Revolving Credit said...

You don't blog because you want to make new friends.
You blog because you want to make new stalkers.

SheBee said...

Lordy, woman. Its not even lunch time and you've reached over 150 hits!

*ahem*

I think the thing I love most about blogging is that what you write can come from your heart and its so much easier than trying to explain whats going on in your head out loud.

People can make what they will of you, and like you say, it really doesn't matter.

The thing is, the beauty of being a blogger is that you inspire people to THINK. And I think you thinking makes alot of us think, which is a good thing I think. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you think? Can I consider you to be one of my loyal stalkers? In that case, I've done well. You're one of my favourites :)

SheBee - exactly. Sometimes it's good to mull everything out in writing than in words. My sharp tongue gets me into trouble, so I find it better to write out first sometimes. Blogging is great for so many things: introspection, therapy, support...it's honestly changed my life.

Anonymous said...

A Sunday night at Cappellos caused a lot to go past me unnoticed yesterday, most of the comments on Peas included. I have just read them for the second time and actually seen what they say. Some interesting points. As Peas is clearly distracted, and as a member of Wibble, I would like to comment:
The reasons Corporates pay to have a blog are as follows: It's cheap at R3000 compared to what they spend on their websites. They don't have time to filter their own and probably aren't keen to have disgruntled customers write "Fuck off a die you spawn of Satan" on their blog for the world to see which will not enable an invitation to clients to join. Blogs become important for Corporates because of the whole "Client Relationship" vibe. Paying R3000 is cheaper than hiring an internal web content administrator. Inevitably you pay for the editor/administrator rather than the blog itself.
Other points to note: 50000 page impressions a week is easy. A page impression is cause by viewing it. As Wibble changes pages all the time, one user can cause up to 20 page impressions a day if he wanted to. Surely this is obvious? 50000 weekly page impressions could only be 500 people visiting 100 pages a week. Easy. IOL gets about 1.6million page views a week if my memory serves me correctly. 1.6million readers? Doubt it!
With so many different writers, you’ll always find something to read/amuse at on Wibble which is why it will always have more readers than a single blog. It will work. It’s free for everyone else to use and is paid for by the advertisers effectively.
More points to note:
Sympathetic: try some valium.
Curious George: It's new, give it a little bit of time...

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Anon - so relevant. I had so much on my mind yesterday with regards to job finding, my future, etc etc, I just wasn't the best spokesperson for Wibble yesterday at all. Now that I'm seeing through the haze with a bit more clarity, I can perhaps answer Wibble-related questions a bit better. You've summed it up well, and thanks for those pointers.

Betenoir said...

having met you, I would concur you're certainly not aggressive as on your blog, but just as witty.

you struck me as a rather classy young lady.

great, now I sound like your auntie.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Bete! Classy - now that's one helluva compliment. You struck me as extremely poised, witty and intelligent, have you know :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, get your ass over to Zuzula's!

Peas on Toast said...

Chaps, here's an appeal. My problems are trivial in comparison to my favourite Brit blogger, over at www.twentysomething.blogspot.com. (Zuzula).

Her father died, and if you are a regular reader of hers, please pop over to send your support. Thanks guys.

Anonymous said...

your blog and this little bit of your life are awesome.screw everyone else!
cat

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Cat :)

ThomG said...

I started Surface Tension after the death of my mother. Look at my archives for some really vile blackness. But I got over it , and the blog became a way to put something down somewhere all the shit that clogs your brain. It gets popular, people read it and yes, it does feel good. Am I a different person away from the blog? Maybe. But I look at it as a discussion with your inner-self, just with the world looking on. Fucking voyeurs (but we love it).

BTW, you can always crash on my couch in California. Just an option.

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - Cali-for-naa-yay sounds brilliant right now. Can I come through tomorrow? Althought the trip would take about 24 hours, so maybe Thursday. Is that good for you? ;)

Thanks my dear. And yes, there are some periods in my life when I look back at the archives and think, "Fuck, how was I even living at that point? I was such a miserable, painfully depressed shit!"
But it unclogs the brain. So blogs are definitely good for some things :)

The Divine Miss M said...

What else is a blog if you can't rave on a lot and say the word fuck?

I totally support you on that one!

Peas on Toast said...

The Devine Miss M - here's to fuck! And lots of them! And here's to you too. (ching ching) xx

The Divine Miss M said...

*ching ching*

Fuck fuckkity fuck fuck ;)

ThomG said...

Thursday works. That's the start of pro football season here, so I could teach you the finer points of American football.

Daedalus said...

Is Revo slaking you too Ertjie?

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