Monday, February 11, 2008

crying

I've been crying all night. And woke up crying today. Jesus, mascara everywhere, I look great this morning.

Unexpectedly, the most crucial wounds of my emotional life have been ripped open. So unexpectedly. It all started with Atonement last night.

I'm so angry, at those around me too. Which isn't even rational, because the source of these wounds is the one person I should feel anger at.

These horrible memories have been locked away on purpose, why the fuck would I want to address them now when they are behind locked doors?

I'm not sure anyone even really understands. So giving me advice about it, or telling me what to do with it, or how to be, or my responsibility with it now is PANTS.

Fresh tears.

15 comments:

MamaMeeA said...

Hope you're all better again soon, Peas.

High in Dubai said...

Hey Peas,

Hope you manage to pull it together... Sterkte!

On another note, I LOVED Atonement, didn't read the book but I thought the movie was so beautifully shot.

Nessers said...

Just cry till you stop - and people who tell you otherwise (youself included ) are stupid - letting if out is the only way to move on

boldly benny said...

Shame love, hope you're able to wade through the thick of it! Lots of strength ;-)

kyknoord said...

Oh come on, 'Atonement' wasn't that bad, was it?

Champagne Heathen said...

All the best for working through all the kak.

Vimbai said...

Let the floodgates open till the waves subside. hope you feel better soon poppet!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your comments.

It's an unexpected turn, this whole "thing", and I didn't think it would come back to haunt me at all.

Anyway, am working through it. Thanks so much.

xxxxx

Louise said...

I went to see Atonement on Friday and then spent half the night crying.
Hope you feel better!

Jam said...

Love you lots, you know where to come for chocolate and hugs.

Sunrise said...

I feel your pain, I have had the worst day in a long time. Sometimes we need the bad to feel and appreciate the good.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks chaps. Sunrise I hope your day improves substantially! I feel like I'm in this bottomless pit of hell right now.

It's warm, at least.

3rm said...

yo punkass. i think you need an evening of kath, kim and mary jane. i'm stuck tonight. what about tomorrow?

The Blonde Blogshell said...

HUGS!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks fellas :)

xx