Friday, February 22, 2008

measuring intelligence

Was fannying about on t'Internet with IQ tests the other day. The one's with the little eggtimer tick ticking away, so the pressure is on. The problem with standard IQ tests is that they don't make allowances for other measurable intelligences. EQ, Creativity, Insanity, that sort of thing. Especially those inane story sums.

Which go along the lines of, ho hum let's see...: A man is standing in a lift and weighs 200kg, and then he falls 13 floors, and his weight goes up 20kgs, and his momentum remains the same versus gravity...so how many apples is he holding?

The answers are always set in stone, except for e) that says “All of the above.” Which is statistically impossible on these accounts. Shouldn't they have a section where the person can write their own testimonial?

There could be millions of answers based on a million set of criteria!
Crusoe and I battled this out the other day:

Crusoe: Answer: How big are his hands?
Peas: Answer: If the lift fell 20 floors, the dude is no longer holding apples, believe you me.
Crusoe: Answer: I don't know, but guaranteed he'd have an extra 10kgs of shit in his pants.
Peas: Answer: He'd be holding his nutsack, not apples, if we're gonna be honest.
Crusoe: Answer: I don't care, I hate apples.
Peas: I'd go on the offensive. Answer: Tell me, would YOU be holding any apples if you were 200kgs and fell 13 floors in a lift?
Crusoe: Answer: If you were still holding apples by the time the ordeal was over, then I'd vote you, IQ Test Maker, president of the UN.
Peas: Answer: Depends. Are the apples Starking or Golden Delicious?
Crusoe: Answer: How're dem apples?
Peas:...I'd say they're not good by the sounds of things. They're probably apple puree by the time the lift comes to a halt.
Crusoe: Answer: Is he standing on a scale or something? How does he know he suddenly weighs 20kgs heavier?
Peas: Answer: I don't give fanny apples. What I care about is whether he survived the fall.
Crusoe: Answer: By apples, you're meaning giant dicks aren't you?
Peas: Answer: Tell him to let them go and hold onto the light fixture! Quick before it's too late!
Crusoe: Answer: You sick fuckers, what kind of a question is this?
Peas: Answer: You thought you could fool me! But I know that apples really mean bananas!
Crusoe: Answer: What do you mean you [...], your [...] is a baby's arm [holding] an [...]! PS: Don't judge me, it's a disease!

[pause]

Peas: Huh? You'd really say that? Have you got Taurettes?
Crusoe: Would Taurettes affect my IQ?
Peas: Answer: Are there any apples stuffed down his pants? And is he telling? Because if he has another stash of apples, that he's not giving up for amnesty, this is worth looking into.
Crusoe: It all depends on the relativity between the force of gravity on a falling object of a certain weight and the complete stupidity of this fucking question.
Peas: Answer: Does he play golf?
Crusoe: Answer: NEXT QUESTION MOTHERFUCKER.

Ah well.

27 comments:

Boomkind said...

Well if weighed 200kg he certainly wasn't in the habit of eating the dammned apples more likely cream doughnuts!!!

kyknoord said...

Naledi Pandor would be so proud.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

who the fuck is Crusoe?

Did I miss the plot completely, or what??

Peas on Toast said...

boomkind - Exactly. If only the IQ test had "Other:" for questions like these. Ag, these straight-up questions are so...straight up.

Kyk - so would my mother.

Thrills - ha ha, he's a mate of mine. He's been around for a while, just not recently. :)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

ah. found his blog.

he hasn't posted in like....forever...

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - yeah he "Wibbles" now :)

Betenoir said...

e) all of the above is the question of the Damned. just as you figured you had the right answer, it throes you into a tailspin of doubt. Damn you e) all of the above! Damn you to a)hell b)heck c) purgatory AND d) limbo!

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - Ed Zachery. Then while you're pondering the fact that it COULD in fact be all of the above - I mean, maybe? You forget what your original answer was. So you have to start over. And then the ticker runs out....and you're a deemed a dumbass forever.
* sigh*

Champagne Heathen said...

I think a far more humane start to questioning of this situation would be: Was he pushed? Or did he jump?

Which in itself would start a whole other track of questioning!

Was this some sort of Apple-Smuggling Crime Ring? Some sick form of torture that went wrong? Was he suicidal - perhaps we could assume the reason for death would be his weight and failed dieting (apples signal this) had led to him jumping.

Indeed. No thought towards a person's EQ in that original form of questioning/ answers they give you!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - well he was in a lift, so he couldn't have been pushed or jump...but who cut the chord? Or was it just a case of negligent maintenance? And did the list come to rest on the ground floor, or hang, precariously suspended between floor 2 and 3?

See, at least we QUESTION EVERYTHING. IQ apparently makes no allowance for internal investigation.

Nessers said...

Tell Carusoe that technically if he had 10kg of shit in his pants he would really be 10kg lighter and not 20kg heavier hehehe

Jam said...

Was the lift stuck? why was the lift stuck? Was it because of Eskom? Was it because of incompetent building management? Was it actually in desperation that he chose to actually JUMP out of the lift?

Revolving Credit said...

The guy weighed 200kg - that means he probably exceeded the capacity of the light and thats why it fell 13 floors.

The light probably hit the ground so hard that bits of it broke off on impact.

The reason he weighed 20kg more is that when he was found at the bottom of the light shaft, he probably had a 20kg lightfitting imbedded in his head.

Post impact his head may have looked like an apple, but more likely apple sauce.

Revolving Credit said...

(sic) light - lift!

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - Wouldn't he actually be 30kgs heavier then?

Jam - Yes, that's another thing. Do IQ tests taken into account current affairs? One's that are changing our economic and social mindset? So therefore, why didn't he decide to take the stairs in the first place?
(Sounds like he needs the exercise anyway.)
:)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - yes, do they realise that they have unwittingly created a tragedy? By creating this story in the first place, they have created a monster. I mean, maybe the guy had family! Who had to identify his broken and light-wedged-in-face body after the impact!

Revolving Credit said...

Poor guy - Lights are on but nobodys home!

lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
charmskool said...

I think you just gave me a migraine and that hourglass thing totally stresses me out my iq drops from genius to just plain know-it-all under the strain

Peas on Toast said...

Charmskool - and it's flashing as it tick tocks away. How does one concentrate and force oneself not to look at the timer with growing despair?

charmskool said...

yes,the harder it ticks away the stupider I feel - it's like watching a car crash - you know the can't look away and can't look at it principle ...argh and the questions are usually based on the stuff I decided long ago I didn't need to know.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I agree with boomkind! WTF? Why would a 200kg man be holding apples? It could be a bucket of KFC or Big Macs.
Stupid IQ people!! Lekker naweek!

Peas on Toast said...

Charmskool - I hear you, you just can't look away! So while you're meant to be focusing on which little ball goes into which compartment based on the pattern you see before you, you instead watch the ticker with impending doom.

Blogshell - EXACTLY. "Surely the dietary patterns of such a man in a lift, who weighs 200kgs are not apples. The fact he is "supposedly" holding apples is immediately suspicious and unformulaic."

Happy naweek too dollface. :)

amanzimtoti said...

Answer: none.

Goblin said...

Eh, IQ tests really only allow for a certain way of thinking which is a load of bull in my mind. Just because someone thinks differently to the twat who came up with the test doesn't make them any less intelligent.
What should happen is those people who come up with alternative solutions that work to a problem should be revered baby!

Spam Queen V3.2 Beta said...

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2007/12/17/071217crbo_books_gladwell

In case you're interested in reading a thought-provoking review of the history of IQ - and discovering that IQ testing doesn't really assess what it claims anyway

Insane Insomniac said...

According to every IQ test I've taken, I a fucking Genius!!!
I think they need to rework those tests.