Tuesday, March 18, 2008

option A or option B

So. I've put on my Euro jacket and am mooching around in this bright red trenchcoat, because it makes me feel like the girl I was two or three years ago when I was actually in Europe walking around in this Little Red Riding Hood coat. It makes me feel like...I'm not quite here.

Hey the weather seems to like my coat too. I'm practically in England anyway.

So, in trying to keep my attitude upbeat, and keeping my head above water – the universe will not defeat me – I have come up with some options for myself. Before I throw myself in front of that bus. I have to consider all options right? I have been a busy girl for the last two days. Sorting out legal documentation, career opportunities and other.

Unfortunately, there's a waiting period when it comes to, well, waiting for that “window of opportunity” to fucking open. But it's cool. I'll sit at home and watch Seinfeld and reruns of Home & Away and I have the Internet at my disposal. That's a relief. To my benefit, I also have loving parents, and helpful friends. I'm looking at every silver lining possible for me out there, and because everything seems so fucking helpless and depressing right now, I have to laugh about it. It's really the only defense mechanism I have.

People ask what's crappening and I can't help but dissolve into fits of giggles, (whilst wearing a jolly bright coat), and saying, “Isn't it just the most hilarious turn of events you've ever heard? HAHAHAHA.”

So I have made a few decisions. I'm thinking the Universe always wanted me to make these decisions in some fucked up way, although “why-did-you-have-to-be-so-fucking-brash-about-it-Universe?” And I'm broke. Anyway, silver linings include:

1)I was asked on a date last Monday. The man, a man I know and think is lovely, asked me knowing he was going to wine and dine with a Trainwreck. That's an admirable compliment, isn't it? That has to be a silver lining somewhere – in that even when I'm not all skittles and beer, someone still thinks I'm cool.

2)I have a window of opportunity in this country. One small window. It's actually a big opportunity in a small window of opportunity if that makes sense. If it works out for me, I will stay here gladly, find a reason to feel good about my capabilities, move forward, and throw my life into it with gusto.

3)If it doesn't happen, I'm going to leave. It's time I put on my German/British/Guamese footwear again anyway. So pending on this and that, and it might be in a few months, it might be never, I might leave South Africa and quite possibly never return. But either way, something big will happen for me. I'm banking on it.

4)I can still afford to have long hot baths. At least til the end of the month.

5)People have been so kind and helpful. Again, even when your life is a fucking cliché consisting of disaster after disaster, and you don't want to tempt fate with an “It's OK! Three bad things have happened, so there couldn't possibly be a fourth!” Because although the cliché goes that bad things happen in threes, I've never heard anyone say that bad things DON'T happen in fours. Albeit, thank you to all those friends and people I know who have offered their help. You have no idea how much it means to me.

6)I can start a scarf making business. With all this free time, just think of how much knitting I could get done. It's winter, and scarf demand has gone up considerably. I can make stripy ones, tassled ones, short ones, long ones, thick ones, thin ones, wooley ones.....I'm sure if my friends place orders now, they'll have a fucking fabulous new scarf at cost price for winter. They won't be the stupid scarves you can buy at all the shops – no no – they'll be made with love and industriousness – just how Grandma used to make them. Maybe a few holes and dropped stitches in some places, but that's the price for a genuine one-of-a-kind-scarfy masterpiece. 3RM has already ordered his:

3RM: Any type of scarf?
Peas: Yes, with the exception of fancy designs or whatever. Stripes and yellows are the colours for this season.
3RM: OK, a green and yellow one.
Peas: Brazil? What the fuck for?
3RM: No, the South African rugby colours.
Peas: Oh get out.
3RM: I'd use it at rugby games.
Peas: I might be the sassiest funkiest scarf knitter out there, but knitting you SPORTSWEAR, I mean wtf?
3RM: Fifty bucks, take it or leave it.
Peas: Do I have to make a little Springbok, that's way too fancy.
3RM: No I suppose not.
Peas: Sold.

I'm trying to swim here. I think I'll make it, I've done it before – so many times before. Just not all at once. It's the all-at-once stuff that's the real bugger isn't it.

But I'm capable, and I'm swimming. With the help of great friends and family. And with the help of experience and knowing exactly who I am and exactly what works for me, and what doesn't.


Anonymous said...

Well, you may be up shit creek, but at least you managed to hang onto your paddle. Who's up for a hearty round of "Row, row, row your boat"?

Nessers said...

"Gently down the stream"

KaB said...

Merrily, merrily...life is but a dream...oh wait...breathe!

I've not been here for a few days & wham...you're like pulling a 360!

Feck about the job...I love the scarves idea but honestly, your talents would only go to waste! Lots of luck on that front...am most excited for you - have to be positive! Only good things can come of it!

Where'd you get the coat by the by...I want one...for when the rain comes!

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - at the risk of sounding whiny...could you pass me the other paddle please? I seem to be going round in circles....:)

Nessers - But the river is dry! :)

Kab - I bought this fabulous old red thing at Hospice. Straight out of Oxfam babe. Hundred bucks, 100% wool, only one button missing. Can't mock it. It's the best thing ever!

acidicice said...

The winter cold hasn't rolled on down to Cape Town yet, but it most definitely is scarf knitting time again. I promised someone I would knit them a scarf this year (only because they became very jealous when I knitted someone else a scarf)...do you have knitting patterns to share?

Hmmm....scarves with stripes sound cool...but would I have to count the rows then? Or maybe just one ball this colour...one ball that colour...decisions, decisions.

I'm just glad you'll be able to blog from wherever you go, whatever you do! :)

Jam said...

Aha! Now that's the amazing, brave, beautiful woman I know right there.
And please can I have a scarf...
Thinking of you, missing you.

Peas on Toast said...

Acidicice - well you've definitely given me some scarf-crafting techniques to consider! One ball - one pattern or five rows of one colour....I could always ask the consumer too. With a freindly smile - because God knows how far a customary friendly smile goes around here - whether they'd like me to use three balls or two. I like!

Jam- I'm MISSING YOU. The reason I am still in bed this morning...in a red coat....it's well shameful...is because I haven't seen my favourite girls and I haven't had a Pino's coffee delivered unto me...must look for jobs today must look for jobs today...Hawaii sounds awfully exotic and beautifully far away...

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

hope things get better for you, lady!

have you thought about expanding the enterprise?

i found a knitting pattern for Mr Bean's teddy bear that I'd love to have for The Kid.

I'd pay good money for that!

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - yeah and 3RM also wants a toilet cover seat. Since some male made off with it in our flat a few months ago and didn't own up to stealing it.

Can I knit you one of those instead? It seems easiest somehow than a Mr Bean teddy bear. My gran could help I suppose!

Revolving Credit said...

Little Red Riding Peas?
Peas in the Hood?
Scarf face?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Little Miss Hiding Hood.

I refuse to leave my apartment at the moment. The therapist reckons she's going to try and get me out and about - I reckon I'm going to leave when I bloody well feel up to it.

And that might be in 3 months. When I leave this place altogether. Pending on all the other stuff...

Revolving Credit said...

Little Miss Hiding Hood??

Sounds like you like being spanked!

Peas on Toast said...

Spanking? Moi? Well not lately, but that's ok. It's just me and Basil, the blow up doll from China. We spoon really well together.

Lopz said...

Good for you chick, hope it all works out with the window of opportunity. My housemate has been promising to knit me a scarf for the last 2 years, but since I've seen jack shit so far, I'll place my order with you too - pink and white stripes please, like a bag of marshmallows!

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha Lopz that's fantastic! My best order yet! So your flatmate is a pseudo knitter too? I'll throw in a free toilet seat cover half price if you like.

Lopz said...

She is yeah - 21 years old and she knits like she's in the geriatric Olympics. Go figure. Can you make my toilet cover pink and purple camo? I quite like the idea of decking out a room in that scheme, but naturally the boyf vetoed the bedroom, so I reckon I can hide my bad taste on the loo ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Hahah, classic. Purple and pink camo - done. I think if I mish mash the balls together it should come out a masterpiece without too much hassle. Then I'll bang on some elastic and voila. Your boyfriend's gonna LOVE it.

ThomG said...

Just don't go the porn route - you'll find all that crazy lingerie itchy and stuff. And you don't want to be scratching the pone on camera.

Anyway, I'm with ya, sister. Life is in flux for a lot of us out there. We should hose a revolution; I'll make appetizers.

Peas on Toast said...

Thom - oh no, not you too? You also trying not to fall between the cracks?

Porn. On that. I had a dude once send me a job application of being porno underwear buyer. Shoulda taken it, shoulda fucking taken it. :)

Lopz said...

Awesome scoresome - I look forward to my most kitschest of presents!

Koekie said...

Holy fuck. Am just catching up on the Peas saga now, but in the meantime I'm trying to send you good vibes.. Can you feel it? It's not really working, is it...

Let me know if you're looking for a job in Holland - the tulip picking is good this time of year. Just a thought :-)

Immi said...

I'll take your craziest scarf for R50! you ship to cape town? would knit my own but can never get past the 5th row :-/