Monday, April 07, 2008

weekend treks and stuff

So went to, like, a party and everything on Friday. Took a fair bit of mental preparation, but C and some of my good mates were there, and it would be my first driving challenge.
Illovo to Sunninghill.
Epic dude, that's the fucking Great Trek.

Then of course I got lost in the veld somewhere, properly freaking out, landing up at Leeukop Prison asking the warden dudes where the fuck I was...hoping they wouldn't steal my car...inside a prison. Fear is about as rational as hair curlers.

I was thinking fuck that for a joke, I nearly turned around and went straight home. It was a close call.

I decided to doll up properly for this shindig. I threw on a Wonderbra and my highest gold heels. Not because I wanted to pick up okes, because I fucking love my Wonderbra and my heels are only but the greatest invention on earth. I feel like a fucking woman. Haven't worn heels in a few weeks, and have missed it. Heels=Woman Who Means Business. Sore after a long night, but bugger you, I'm heeled.

I did a trek and I did a party. I'm brave, and amazingly courageous.

On Sunday, I joined N at a picnic she was having at Zoo Lake with a family of disadvantaged children. She does this a lot, goes out with them, does stuff with them, helps them. I swung on the swings with the kids, played games with them (I got knocked out of cricket first wicket. Nice.), and just observed these little guys. I was Aunty Peas again for the day. (“Aunty Peas can't swing anymore Thomfuti, because she's going to vomit, so how's about Aunty Peas having a smoke break for five seconds?”)

They were cute. They really were, and I taught Thomfuti a new word. “Ooh la la!” Seems she picked it up and was therefore “Ooh la la-ing her way through the rest of the activities. Bless.

But, to be honest, a month on from my catastrophic week, I had an emotional weekend. I am terrified. Big stuff is about to happen, and I'm scared as hell. Amongst these changes, and this hugely transformative time, I have never felt so alone. So alone, so misunderstood. So alone in fact it's like I feel invisible enough that the Universe itself has forgotten I'm there.
So the only thing to do next I suppose is make myself the complete centre of my own universe.

I believe they call this “enlightenment.” Reading a lot of Eat Pray Love at the moment, and she seems to think so. In that case, fantastic.

Yip, I'm going through some big self-realisation thingies, a lot of changes due to what happened to me a month ago. I guess it's only [fucking] natural that it will all take effect.

Things to do today:
Go for a walk (like everyday)
Go to a place for a good cup of coffee (like everyday)
Write two stories (deadline)
Be enlightened.

Cool.

28 comments:

kyknoord said...

Heels. Driving. Enlightenment. It's all about small steps.

Peas on Toast said...

So they say Kyk. And nowadays I'm even leaving the house to sit at a new cafe everyday.

Next I'll be reading the koran! ;)

Sheena Gates said...

Peas, read Celestine Prophecy. Oh. My. God. What a mind fuck.

Also, the alone thing? Don't let that get too serious.

Anonymous said...

N is Champagne Heathen, right? NS?

Champagne Heathen said...

Nope.. that N ain't me... all I had to babysit yesterday were two insane puppies. But fascinating attempt. ...actually I am just loving that at the first mention of helping out "poor" kids makes people think of me! My job here is done...

Peas... Just keep writing & we'll keep watching you through this kak "Dante's Circles Journey" till you come out of it. We know you will, even if you can't know it right now. As always, all the best!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheen - I'm reading so much stuff at the moment, it's crazy. The book of the morning is That Smoking Book.

I'm planning on quitting through interesting means of brainwashing techniques. The Allen Carr book. It's my next goal anyway. :)

Yeah as for the alone thing, it's daunting - there are people around me all the time, but I feel as though I'm in my own boat if that makes sense? But it's good, this I know. ;)

Anon - nope boet. As she says below, another N!

Champs - thanks so much. Yeah, with all things in this crazy life, as things get bad, other things definitely get better right? And all this stuff happening makes a lot of sense to me. It's just hard going through the motions sometimes, I'm not a robot. I wish I was, but nope, I'm just a very mortal, feeling human being. I should embrace this, but sometimes its hard :(

Jam said...

Seriously...you need to get in your car and have a little drive to me today for a cup of coffee.

Champagne Heathen said...

Embrace it??? You're mad (no, not really, seriously, you'll be a-ok one day in the near future).
I say, Hate The Crap Out of It!

Although, maybe that is what embracing it means. But ja, word has it, one is meant to "accept it & let it run its course".

I figure, it's like having flu, when I have flu I can't remember what it is like to be healthy, although some strange rational thought tells me I've been healthy 90% of my life. So I suip on vitamin C & eat lots of chocolate, enjoy my duvet & bad tv on a couch, and wait "the flu" out.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I think about coming to see you at the office every single day.Now if the office wasn't a) my old office and b) slap bang in the middle of town and therefore the place I was rudely mugged, I would've been coming through there every second day. That's how much I miss you.

Thing is, town and the office...I think Ein Destination is hectic. Perhaps I'll surprise myself and actually do it...but today, probably not :(

In the meantime, we could always go elsewhere, am dying to see you!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - ha ha, no when I said embrace it, I meant embrace myself for who I am at the moment. :) As in, "This shit has happened, but I'm dealing with it in the best way I know how...and I love myself for it...sort of." Or something along those lines. :)

Enbracing the crap phase, hmm, not so much. I think it's just a matter of accepting this crap aftermath is going to happen, but like everything that happens, it will pass and get better. It's like a broken bone that's healing - not great, but everyday it gets stronger.

Or some mumbo jumbo like that. (Eat Pray Love - I blame it entirely)

Revolving Credit said...

'Woman Who Means Business. Sore after a long night..'

Well, it sounds like you were embracing something!!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - hahahahahah. You beeyoot. :)

High heels may make me feel like the business, it's just that I don't get all those heady "I got LAID" hormones working the shift.

Unless of course...no, nevermind.

:)

Revolving Credit said...

Oooo...working the shift

Which corner?
Heels??
Didn't I read something in the news last week about Dita Von Teese finding an alternate use for stiletto's

Peas on Toast said...

Hhahahah!

Dita Von Teese was pleasured with a stiletto shoe in a pornographic lesbian movie.

She just echoed my thoughts. I mean who needs a dildo when...kidding. Marilyn Manson never should've dumped her. That's all I'm sayin' :)

Revolving Credit said...

Why'd she leave him??

Marilyn Manson never should've dumped her.

Well, it seems he never pumped her !

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah, guarenteed the pomp however would've left a lot of balck eye make up on the bed linen.

Kinky.

Revolving Credit said...

So Peas, tell us, do you also like wearing your pumps to bed??

Peas on Toast said...

I have done it before. Sure! :)

Revolving Credit said...

in a lesbian movie??

Peas on Toast said...

No Revvie. You must have me confused with someone else ;)

Revolving Credit said...

My bad, must van been Dita von Peas!!

Peas on Toast said...

Don't worry Rev. Common mistake. She's my body double :)

Revolving Credit said...

Don't worry, i doubt I would ever mistake you for someone common!

Peas on Toast said...

You'd never do that, I know. We both know I'm a [fucking] princess :) Quite literally. Or so says my French gran.

:)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, when you gran said you were a princess, did she mean The Pea Princess

cause that's some heavy petting shit man!!!!

Revolving Credit said...

Are you sure that this stuff is meant to be a kids fairy tale??

'...'A truly noble heart is sensitive,' says the wise old raven, Sebastian, who pokes, prods and analyzes peas seeking the solution that would save the kingdom of Corazion from the revenge of Laird, the king's brother.'

Sounds very porno to me!!

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

"Kids we'll be reading another story tonight...."

Classic Rev! :)

Hot Pink Flush said...

I know I'm late to this particular party, but my laptop blew up yesterday :-(
Peas babe, we miss you SOOOO much!
also, eat pray love? LOVE IT!
lets run away to italy for the sake of a good crust and the word attraviato...(only her celibacy thing? lets not copy that mmkay?)
Coffee love, when?
XXXXXXX