So went to, like, a party and everything on Friday. Took a fair bit of mental preparation, but C and some of my good mates were there, and it would be my first driving challenge.
Illovo to Sunninghill.
Epic dude, that's the fucking Great Trek.
Then of course I got lost in the veld somewhere, properly freaking out, landing up at Leeukop Prison asking the warden dudes where the fuck I was...hoping they wouldn't steal my car...inside a prison. Fear is about as rational as hair curlers.
I was thinking fuck that for a joke, I nearly turned around and went straight home. It was a close call.
I decided to doll up properly for this shindig. I threw on a Wonderbra and my highest gold heels. Not because I wanted to pick up okes, because I fucking love my Wonderbra and my heels are only but the greatest invention on earth. I feel like a fucking woman. Haven't worn heels in a few weeks, and have missed it. Heels=Woman Who Means Business. Sore after a long night, but bugger you, I'm heeled.
I did a trek and I did a party. I'm brave, and amazingly courageous.
On Sunday, I joined N at a picnic she was having at Zoo Lake with a family of disadvantaged children. She does this a lot, goes out with them, does stuff with them, helps them. I swung on the swings with the kids, played games with them (I got knocked out of cricket first wicket. Nice.), and just observed these little guys. I was Aunty Peas again for the day. (“Aunty Peas can't swing anymore Thomfuti, because she's going to vomit, so how's about Aunty Peas having a smoke break for five seconds?”)
They were cute. They really were, and I taught Thomfuti a new word. “Ooh la la!” Seems she picked it up and was therefore “Ooh la la-ing her way through the rest of the activities. Bless.
But, to be honest, a month on from my catastrophic week, I had an emotional weekend. I am terrified. Big stuff is about to happen, and I'm scared as hell. Amongst these changes, and this hugely transformative time, I have never felt so alone. So alone, so misunderstood. So alone in fact it's like I feel invisible enough that the Universe itself has forgotten I'm there.
So the only thing to do next I suppose is make myself the complete centre of my own universe.
I believe they call this “enlightenment.” Reading a lot of Eat Pray Love at the moment, and she seems to think so. In that case, fantastic.
Yip, I'm going through some big self-realisation thingies, a lot of changes due to what happened to me a month ago. I guess it's only [fucking] natural that it will all take effect.
Things to do today:
Go for a walk (like everyday)
Go to a place for a good cup of coffee (like everyday)
Write two stories (deadline)