dentist porn

On Friday, I had one mission.

And that was to dance like a mothertrucker.

Nightclubs used to be pick up spots for me, but what a tiresome hobby that shit seemed after a long week. Now a night club is more like my own gym.

I can go there and dance off all the fucking pies I've been smashing in my face.

I caught up with everyone at Rose Boys after work, and ended up doing the Charleston on the table.

Klo and I were particularly fond of the concrete table vibe. Found a hat and E's sunglasses and kind of thrashed around while others attended to their cosmopolitans and I later made love to a burger.

Don't ask.

Not done, Ches and I caught a Safe Cab to Movida.
And proceeded to spend the next 5 hours practicing and wowing the crowds with our hip hop moves. (Which we haven't yet learnt, but wha-ever.)

'The Retarded Monkey' was going down a treat, thank you very much.

Some dude in a wifebeater even undressed me with his eyes.
Although that was admittedly creepy.

I stood on the stairs and just danced and danced, and then Safe Cabbed it back home like a good girl at 3:00am.

Sunday, I taught my French grandparents what The Internet was.

They're up from Cape Town and mum wants them to get a computer and do email, and learn how to search on Google.

They're still at the equivalent technological level of, say, a bag full of yaks.

My grandfather calls CDs, D Cs.
And my grandmother thought the cursor was a fly stuck in the screen.

It's quite a challenge explaining what the Internet is to people who think that a cellphone takes penlight batteries. No seriously.

Grandmere: 'Peas, do you have to use Duracell in that whatsitcalled, a Blueberry?' (No, not since 1984, dude)

I basically explained that The Internet is the same as a telephone system.

Peas: 'If the phone isn't plugged into the wall Grandmere, it isn't connected to any other telephones is it?'

Grandmere: No but Peas. You get phones that are cordless now, you know.

Peas: No seriously?
OK OK. Phones are connected by an INVISIBLE CORD to all the other phones in the world, hence how you phone, say, Canada see?
The Internet works like that. You can get hold of other people's computers.'

Grandmere: Right...but what is this Googles everyone speaks of?

Peas:......Yellow Pages. Except on a screen.

If you want a dentist, say. Type in 'dentist' into that little bar and look! Eighty million dentists you can choose from! Hang on...is that DENTIST PORN?

Grandmere: Putain merde.

Peas: “Quick, type in 'French Military Victories', and click I'm Feeling Lucky.

It'll say Did you mean French Military Defeats?
Hysterical.”

But Grandmere didn't find it that funny.

PS: I'm loving The Special Brelgian. I chatted to him on Skype yesterday for 5 hours, yakes, I only realised this afterwards as I went to bed. He's also started a blog. Bless.