Wednesday, April 08, 2009

fish with teeth sharper than einstein & stuff


Dad: Peas. You have to hear my amazing idea.

Peas: You’re moving to Nashville?

Dad: No.

Peas: You’re starting a band? Oh. Wait. A band outside of Argentina?

Dad: No.

Peas: You’re entering Shoprite’s annual boerewors-making competition?

Dad: No.

Peas: You’re buying a rhino?

Dad: You’re getting warmer.

Peas: You’re building a house the shape of a rhino?

Dad: No.

Peas: You’re collecting…rhino guano. In big glass jars. To make dung statues. Of rhinos.

Dad: No. I’m buying piranhas.

Peas: That was going to be my next guess.

Dad: Not one piranha Peas. A whole crew of the little buggers.

Peas: Because you want your whole arm to be eaten off, not just a finger. I get it.

Dad: It’s going to be the biggest draw card of the century. A whole tank of ‘em. For the bookshop. The kids who visit will go mad…with joy.

Peas: Cool, I’ll humour you, sure. Where you getting them from? The Amazon right?

Dad: No. From Prakesh, this guy I know who says he can get me anything.

Peas: Anything. And you asked for piranhas not drugs. He doesn’t sound dodgy at all Dad. Looks like you have a winner.

Dad: Think about it Peas, think about it. I’m going to throw them into a giant fish tank and rename my bookshop ‘The Piranha Lounge.’ And! When people stick their fingers into it they’ll even get a free fright!

Peas: Yeah, that’ll get your clientele coming back for more. Definitely. It’ll look especially pretty when you have to feed them live chickens. The floating carcasses will definitely add a certain charm.

Dad: I’m telling you, it’ll be a goldmine.

Peas: Why not get something more, sort of, affable? If you will? Something that would blend better into your immediate terrestrial African surroundings…..like a lemming…or a python? Ooh. How about a lion? That would rock. You could call it Dennis.

Dad: Child’s play.

Peas: A clutch of eagles?

Dad: They’d shit everywhere. And eat Ombre. [my Staffie]

Peas: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m clearly not thinking this through.

Dad: It has such a great ring to it, don’t you think [dreamily]… ‘The PIRANHA Lounge.’ Reeks of danger and intrigue.

Peas: Look, James Bond. Paint a piranha on the wall. It won’t need its tank cleaned. And you’ll get to keep your arms and everything.

Dad: The beauty of it is the DANGER ELEMENT Peas.

Peas: OK OK. What about that rhino I mentioned? It’ll crap everywhere, sure, but it could also flatten someone like a pancake. Is that enough danger for you?
Just think! You’ll be the only dude in the country with a rhino in his bookshop!

Dad: But I could be the only dude in the world with piranhas in his bookshop. You gotta think big, Peas. No one got big by thinking small.

Peas: People with bookshops on the banks of the Amazon probably have piranhas.

Dad: Bookshops in the Amazon jungle? I’ve never heard of anything so absurd.

Peas: Crazy talk, isn’t it. Don’t know where I’d get such a characteristic.

9 comments:

The Chantal said...

hmmm I think your dad's onto something :)

When you leaving for your trip??? read your skinny jeans post, lol it's true, lots of the guys wear them there, but thankfully not all, and I never saw a good looking guy wearing them so... :) but maybe there's a new fashion now, we'll both see :P

-Chan

Peas on Toast said...

Chan - you reckon Dad has his head screwed on right with this whole James Bond Piranha vibe?
haha, I'm not so sure :)

I leave in SIXTEEN DAYS. Thank eisbein for that, getting too excited for mere words!

As for skinny jeans - yeah I stand strong. Girls only. Like the Mini Cooper and ponytails.

The Chantal said...

lol yes I seriously think it's a good idea, I'd love to see pirrhanas in action, so I'd go to his bookstore.

16 days is nothing! yay for you :)
It's cool you're going before me, coz I'm thinking of taking a train up to Berlin for a few days as an adventure, so you can post all about it here and then I'll decide, otherwise I may go to Dusseldorf which is a big party town, who knows!

heh heh even some girls shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans....but your skinny ass can pull it off lucky bitch ;)

-Chan

Peas on Toast said...

Chan - Heard that Dusseldorf is gorgeous. I've done Cologne, and loved that too - but I'd obviosuly recommend Berlin for an adventure.
It seems like nowhere on this earth is like that place. Am soooo excited! :)

Do it, take a train to Berlin!

kyknoord said...

Suggest that he strip out all the decor and put in lots of naked fluorescent tubes. Then he can call it The Moon, 'cos it'll have no atmosphere.

Peas on Toast said...

hahahahaha.

I think he'll like it. I can tell James Biond himself that it'll be like MOONRAKER.

You're a genius! (I tell you every week, but just reiterating :)

quartercenturycrisis said...

"And! When people stick their fingers into it they’ll even get a free fright"

Classic! Everyone likes something for free, right?! Your dad is hilarious!

Peas on Toast said...

Century - I know, get a load of him, eh?
Hhahaha :) xxx

Charmskool said...

Peas,I know this is ridiculously late, but, your dad is starting to sound like a seriously interesting dude! The first one in years that has made me prick up my ears (and other parts south heh heh) a bookshop and piranas - how insane can a man be? He really sounds like my kind of man - anyone who knows me would agree I love off the wall men and your dad is so far off the wall I doubt he's been near it in years.