Thursday, May 07, 2009

boot-shaped beer imbibation

Day 3 – Berlin

‘You could get kicked out of the country for doing that.’

That was the turning point. That’s when last night started going decidedly awry.

We met two American guys at The Hoff Shrine bar, bloody hilarious pair they were – partly because they were drinking beer out of a ginormous glass boot.

Naturally we got involved. And soon the hammer train was but rapidly banging away.
Sang Usher again. Fuck. This is becoming a habit. ‘This is embarrassing,’ one guy said, pouring beer over his mate’s head as I was singing about fucking in a club.

Needless to say, one chirps up that they were hiring a car to drive on the autobahn.
‘Get an Audi. ‘
They both agree and say, ‘Yeah an Audi, let’s do it, a good German car!’

Then. Oh Christ.

‘….yeah I drive one.’


‘…Yeah it’s a red A3, with a sunroof, 2.0 litre turbo. Drives like the wind.’

I blame the beer in the boot ENTIRELY.

The next day we woke up, went about our business, went and sat outside for a beer and the two come back whooping with a bottle of champagne.

Where do I know them from? Ah. Yes. The bar last night. What happened again? The last I recall was a gangantuan glass boot filled with beer.

‘So we did the autobahn, thanks for suggesting your car, we hired one! Wow man, that thing went at like 250km/hour at one point, amazing!’

It all came back to me – the giant fabrication I’d told when I thought I’d never see them again, basically conveying that my dream car was really my reality.

Dove got it straight away. She cocked her head, and I changed the subject.

‘Yeah…so, how was the weather out there on the um, highway?

He popped the cork and it bounced off a tram.
Cue Dove’s aforementioned ‘You could get kicked out of the country for doing that.’

‘Dude. I think I told them last night I drive a red Audi.’
‘No fucking kidding mate.’

We drank champagne with them and then I told the one about these silent discos people apparently go to – where you rock out with your iPod to the likes of Phil Collins (fuck yes!), or whatever. We asked the locals, the receptionist, everyone. No one knew.

We reckon it’s a conspiracy. They’re so underground, cool, you need to just KNOW. Or maybe as was suggested, maybe they just happen irregularly and not at a specific club.

Peas: That dude. He knows something.
Dude: Check out his face. Lying. For sure.
Peas: We’d have to wear Goth if we found one.
Dude: Goth?...I haven’t unpacked that suitcase yet.
Hank what do you wanna do tonight, 1) Go to a pub, 2) Go to a club, 3) Go for a drink, 4) Sing to me in the bedroom?

Dove and I have got good at being very honest with each other, now that we’re travelling.
‘Check it out, they hired ‘my’ car.’
Dove: You’re a fucking jerkoff.
Peas: Screw you you fucken wankperson.

Then five seconds later we’re talking chav to each other and laughing until our stomachs hurt. ‘You’re WELL talented mate. Just for walking around in those purple shoes. That's well tidy.’

Our minds are like sponges at the moment. Absorbing at full capacity, Berlin almost saturates you, as they is just SO much. It’s exhilarating and heavy-going at the same time.

Dove also thinks my new laugh, the Anthony Hopkins in Silence Of The Lambs, is as bad as the Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I beg to differ.

We did the Wall Walk. Basically you walk on the wall. Sometimes you’re walking on two cobblestones that run throughout the city signifying where it lay, or otherwise come across chunks of wall that are still standing.
Fascinating. Some chunks run through buildings and bridges. Tunnels can be seen where people tried to escape. Much of the existing wall has been chipped away by people for souvenirs.

(Which cost a fucken packet, might I add. My piece, half the size of a plate, cost me about R400. I know I know, silly me.)

Also went on a fuck off interesting tour. Which took us all around the main sites. Including where Michael Jackson dangled his baby over the railings of Hotel Adlon next to the Brandenburg Gate.

Oh and Checkpoint Charlie is fake. They’ve rebuilt it on the exact site with obligatory guards dressed in uniform just for tourists. Tacky or genius?


Nessers said...

R400 for a piece of history is cheap by anyones standards - good for you for getting it

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Nessers :)

I didn't know whether to have post post-purchase dissonance or be excited to own a chunk of wall!

I'm going to be excited. I mean, it looks very nice on my coffee table as it is :)

bosotter said...

Peas, isn't it amazing how much you can say in German without using as many words as in any other language?
The proof is on the last photo! Look! What other languages say in 3lines, German says in 1! Now THAT, is Vorsprung durch Technik!!!
Just saying...

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - TOUCHE!
And amazing how one word is just enough to drive a point home in one foul swoop - take VERBOTEN. It takes 'forbidden' to a whole new level, as does 'achtung.'

I fucken LIEBE it. :)

bosotter said...

I think it's goes perfectly with their lack of sense of humour! My uncle is ze German, I know! Achtung, zat waz not funny at aull!

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - exactly. I find it sooo amusing. The seriousness of it all is a hoot!

kyknoord said...

I always wondered what Cinderella does when it rains. Now I know.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah you're gonna get bored whilst locked up in a cellar, definitely.


redtaghag said...

Come on Peas, you MUST remember the famous glass boot from that movie.........oh crap mental diarrhea.............
Um, anyone?

Peas on Toast said...

redtaghag - no I really really don't - jog my memory?

(Once you've jogged yours! ;)

redtaghag said...

If in doubt...Google it. Peas - the movie's name is Beerfest. It's all about a German Beer drinking competition. Full of skinny germans in lauderhosen!!

Oh, and you can actually buy one of those boots online. I love the internet.

Miss T said...

The silent discos definately exist but as far as I know its only for festivals. Last year they had a silent disco tent at the Oxegen Festival in Dublin...never made it though. Too many stages too many gigs :)

Peas on Toast said...

redtag - hahah, I'll definitely look out for it! Yip the bar was actuially selling the glass boots as well, but I figured it would be a bit hazardous to carry around in my backpack!

Miss T - aw what good CRAIC! The Oirish too? wHY DO ALL THESE COOL THINGS HAPPEN ONLY IN eUROPE, why. WHY??

Josef said...

Beerfest was a great movie.
The Germans were not skinny - in fact they were massively built.
And the glass boot looks awesome!