Tuesday, May 19, 2009

maybe if i lived on a tropical island


I blame the crispy as fuck winter’s dusk last night. Not to mention the ‘my god my ovary just froze clean off’ winter’s dawn this morning. Ond one hellishly traumatic episode of Grey’s Anatomy:

Dear The Universe

Right, so I’m pretty darn happy with my life as it stands at the moment. I’m going to get straight to the point: I love the travelling (thank you), I love me job (thank you) I love and accept me (thank you), just sometimes in light of cold, dark winters where people hibernate and stuff, I sometimes get a burst of inconvenient loneliness. It’s far from dire, and I mean that in the most earnestly honest way. I know I’m being indulgent just thinking about this, because I certainly am not putting any ounce of effort out there.

Look, the saying goes that every pot has a lid, and in light of E2’s distant cousin (but insists not a blood relative), finding a partner of his own – and he has a mobile reptile farm, so sleeps in a caravan full of snakes, he flippen found someone, so I’m just saying it would be really nice if you could find me my pot, if I were say, a lid.

I’ve seen my mother’s Tupperware cupboard, and there are some lids without pots. Like how socks eventually only end up as one, it seems the pot/lid ratio isn’t always on even par either.

So if we’re taking a literal example of everyone having a The One, or an idealist perspective, I do realise not everybody is meant to find somebody and maybe this stuff is just meant to happen to other people. The odds are out there, and they’re not looking good.

But. I was just farking cold last night. Also a friend and I were chatting last night about taking risks versus the pain potential.
He reckons that pain isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it reminds us that we're still alive. And “if you don't risk the pain, there's not much point. Even if you get shredded emotionally.”

OK - so just for the sake of healthy debate - lets take this to level that hasn’t become a cliche. We need to disprove this, because 1) we are reminded we're alive all the time with shitty traffic, good chocolate and wanking. Which evokes just as much emotion. Why then do we need pain to realise we’re alive?
And 2) No risk=no pain. Therefore risk=pain. Therefore pain=pain. And pain is shit. Happiness (what I have now) is very nice.

So, it can actually be a bit of a bother, some of this relationship business.

So, I don’t hold an over-abundance of hope, for as the Sunscreen songs says, ‘Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,’ whatever – I’m MERELY saying, if you do plan it to happen for me, please could it happen in fucking Winter.

Thanks in advance,
Peas On Toast

Dear My The One

If you’re out there, hi. From whence do you hail? Have you got a warm body? Cos it’s pretty cold in South Africa (here I am already presuming you’re European and godly – I do apologise if you’re not, I have Euro Fever right now, so maybe that’s why we’re not meeting)

Anyway. I don’t know what to really say, because according to the Grand Universal Plan For Humankind (outdated?) you’re meant to envisage me exactly as I am already, so, I’ll save for the time we might meet. If we don’t, have a great life and also what do you feel about millions of exclamation marks at the end of a sentence?
You know when a phrase just doesn’t cut it in the enthusiasm department, so millions of !!!!!!!! have to be added as compensation? And what cologne do you wear?

Not much news this side, working like a bitch and coordinating my closet into tights, leggings and miscellaneous-leg-wrapping thingies.

Settling into spinster life very nicely – embracing it, rather than pretending that it isn’t happening.
I’m enjoying [mostly] every moment I’m alone and am pretty much self-sufficient and happy enough to carry on for the rest of eternity really. So if we don’t meet, c’est la vie. What choice do us mere mortals have?

But hey, because you’re meant to be my pot, and I’m a lid, you’ll get me, I’ll get you and apparently you might even live where I live. I have a feeling though, that if we are meant to be together, it’s still a while to come.

So in the meantime, I’d like to know your thoughts on touch typing and reality TV and are you also, as my friend put it, a pessimistic romantic?

Peas On Toast

Dear The Woman With The Face

Yeah you. I pulled out of my office park yesterday, maybe a little too enthusiastically, and you roared passed, shooting me a look that made as if you’d just swallowed two tequilas and a lemon. And, on impact, morphed into a human prune.

Was that really necessary?

PS: And when you yelled ‘Are you tuning me attitude?’ through the passenger window, what I was trying to say back was this: Sorry, I don’t speak South.

Peas On Toast.

37 comments:

Monkigirl said...

Bwahahaha! "I don't speak South". Love it!

As for the lid-less pot thing. I hear you. And the cold makes it worse. Hang in there!

Peas on Toast said...

Monki - the lid-pot thing is very encouraging us mere mortals, or those with face bunions, or those who live in a reptile caravan, but isn't it all just a lie to keep us hopeful?

Arrgh who knows, I just know the cold is making me miserable!

getaway said...

aahahahah South!

I too am a potless lid, rounding up the cats. Just got two from my aunt - she's got 6.

I think the cold has a way of making us feel the need to be cuddled, protected by warm masculinity - i know it depresses the shirt out of me!

Maybe it's the universes' way of waiting for the oportune time to thrust something new and challenging on you - as previously established, relationships are a bit of a bother.
You gotta have the tolerance to take the good in with the bad - and only once you've yearned long enough could you really still appreciate the one inspite of the other. I mean really! Its hard enough having to put up with your own personality!!

Ditto on the exclamations babe!!

Have a wonderful day

Nessers said...

so good to hear I am not the only lid without a pot - I am tired of being alone now - maybe I should write a letter to my "other half" to get him to find me :-)

Peas on Toast said...

hi getaway - well you mirror my thoughts exactly, seriously! Aargh, you gotta take the good with the bad as you say - you're never going to feel cold/lonely forever and you're never going to feel warm/protected forever, so I suppose the best thing we can do is just know nothing is forever.
Although that doesn't give much comfort either, innit.

As for the cats, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want a pet, would love a pet - but then I feel it would be cruel to leave it at home by itself and when I travel, where does the poor thing go? So I'm thinking of investing in a pet robot. That can feed itself.
Any idea of where I can get one of those?

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - I'm convinced my supposed 'other half' lives in Berlin/on the Algarve/Paris/Ukraine, so writing to him is indeed a fruitless operation.

It's just another way of talking to myself. ;)

Should we start a stitch 'n bitch club? It derives a bit of comfort! :)

Nessers said...

I like the idea of that club - does it involve drinking rediculous amounts of wine while cursing everything with a penis for not asking directions in finding us ? heheh

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - you can make it anything you want it to be. :) As long as it's warm, we're laughing and bitchin', I'm happy!

Zoliswa said...

Hey Peas,
You've just confirmed that I am not alone and I am not insane. I also need a pot but I'm not really doing much about it because I really dont know why he's happy out there being a lidless pot! I thought he'd have found me by now...I should write a Dear The One letter and discribute it randomly LOL,

Great post!

Peas on Toast said...

Zoliswa - thanks babe :)
Seriously I thought I was the only lid floating about last night myself, so there's comfort knowing that there's a Lid Club with full-on members in it and everything!

We're not alone! Us Lids are the cool kids. Pity the pots don't know it ;)

getaway said...

hehehe Nessers - I think that my pot is lazing somewhere off the carribean, polishing his tan - YIKES.

Guess being alone on a rainy day while your married friends boast late night movie sessions sucks ostrich balls! Give them freagin 10years or so!
Nah don't really wish them bad luck on the path of marriage - Lord knows they need all the luck they can get - okay im done!

I think it shows sufficient promise peas - it would be a different case if the success of our very existence was determined by how well we could be suited - I mean, what would we do with them in the summer?!

Maybe you should get like a fish?

Seriously snitch n' bitch - Priceless!!

It is actually comforting knowing that you're not the only Lid.

Zoliswa - chances are his wondering the same thing about you!!!

Peas on Toast said...

getaway - for sheezy. Thing is, as life stands right now, I have a pretty shweet deal. Not too many complaints, and doing what I want to do. Just every now and then, as most Carefree Lids can relate to, we get a little lonely when it's cold and all the pots - taken or not - are hibernating.

I just hope that even if I have no Pot, the loneliness is at LEAST usurped by some new activity that keeps me busy and out of the funk.

tyrone said...

Morning all

You know girls aren't the only pots without lids or lids without pots... Can we maybe do a boy/girl club?

Zet said...

Tyrone, I like this idea and who knows we might even find the pots for our lids and vice versa! ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Zet & Ty - oh I see where this is going....online dating.
I do lots of stuff on the Net but dating isn't one of them sadly :(

But for the sake of all the Pots & Lids out there, we can shift our established ideas and at least bitch and moan together :)
teehee

tyrone said...

Oh no, no, no! :)

I don't do online dating either. I was just commenting...

Sho!

bosotter said...

Don't speak South! HAHAHAHA! Priceless!
People, people, people! Relax! Yes, I for one is also looking for my lid, BUT it doesn't rule my entire existence! And if you must know I have already hit the big 3 oh! There is a reason for everything (well so I believe). Why not take this opportunity and get your life sorted. Without the input of someone that, for all tense and purposes, has got nothing to do with you... See? Lots of sorting out to be done right there...
For myself, well I am making a lot of new friends everywhere I go. Pot friends, lid friends any friends! Who knows, maybe one of them is my lid? Maybe I still need to meet my lid? Stop wondering and start living! Make the most of every day and know that everything will happen exactly as it's suppose to happen!!!
As for your cold nights I have only one thing to say: Platonic sleepovers! They are the best (no awkwardness the next morning)

tyrone said...

No awkwardness but lots of frustration... :)

Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - ahhaha I know I know :)
Was just pulling your leg(s), promise! ;)

bosotter - oh yes platonic napovers. I've become an expert in those, especially over last weekend. No issues, no hassle, no kak. I like them!
Usually my attitude mirrrors yours - pot-lid freinds, pot-lid potentials, happy lives with lots to do, I'm just bitching because...well I needed to last night!

Revolving Credit said...

3 Things:
- Stop looking and observe. Who's knows, you may spot the obvious.
- Seeing as Berlin is in another hemisphere, you may be narrowing your own chances (Are German pots compatible with local lids? Metric vs imperial, though I suspect you prefer inches?). Are you looking in Berlin when you pot is in Brakpan?
- Get an electric blanket and pray we have no more power cuts.

PS. Be careful what you wish for!You asked the universe for pot...hahaha. You're sooo gonna get a pothead.

Peas on Toast said...

hahahah
Are you looking in Berlin when you pot is in Brakpan?hahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Probably.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHA

Revolving Credit said...

What if the universe gives you a lid?

bosotter said...

I hear you! When you want to, you want to! The whole friens-with-benefitsthing is an option, but I've never done anything like that. Somehow it just doesn't seem entirely right? Well not in my book, that is.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - then we'd be Lid Friends. :)

bossotter - it usually gets messy, so I wouldn't advise it either. Cos one person always ends up liking the other person more, or something and then some.

Revolving Credit said...

Is you wear a glove, is it 'touching'?
Ergo is it still platonic?

Revolving Credit said...

'Is you wear a glove..' I'm speaking like Yoda again??

Shadow said...

There is no 'oil-in-the-fire' fun if the lid actually fits the pot perfectly ...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - huh!? ;)

Shadow - that 'oil-in-the-fire' fun is overrated. Was fun in my youth, now? Too much dar-amah.

Shadow said...

I've been married for 12 years, and trust me you need that oil-in-the-fire-fun...

Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am Perfect…

Peas on Toast said...

haha true. And let's be honest you're never going to meet someone who is robotically perfect, and hell, how INTIMIDATING ANYHOW FOR US...MORTAL TYPES WITH PLENTY OF FLAWS :)

PS: FUCKING CAPSLOCK.

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

me a pot-less lid too. Doesn't bother me much except on occasion, which generally coincides with when I have to take out my bins. If there's a pot of there for me why won't he get off his lazy ass and get over here and take out my bins when I need it. stoopid men!

Peas on Toast said...

Aunty - yay! Anothoer potless Lid!
This is why I love blogging - can never feel alone in my potless world :)

Where those pots when our bins are full, huh? HUH? ;)

Past Expiry said...

Speaking of peas on toast....
http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/2009/05/cartoon-strained-peas.html
Past Expiry Cartoon *LINK*

frozen-heart said...

Dear Universe
Thank you for taking away my pot at a time when my little pot needed/s him most! Me? I'm a lid and I don't give a feck about the cold sheets or the bins, these i can handle fine on me own ... trying to tell my little pot about the his changing feelings as he becomes a bigger pot is what I really wanted my pot for .. so wtf? huh? what was your big stupid idea??

oh forgive me peas, i am sad and forlorn and i dont fucking want another pot, i want my pot back that made little pot with me!! grrr! the universe can be so f'in cruel! chryst now i am sobbing!

All Hail said...

Aaaaaah Pea. Jesus, Mary and Joseph you're hilarious!

I'm also a potless lid currently so feeling your vibes.

Have been watching this hysterical programme on BBC Lifestyle called 'How to find a husband'. This scottish Sally chick, living in the LDN takes 10 weeks out of her usual TV presenting schedule to 'find a husband'. She does everything: blind dates, internet dating, themed dinners, canvassing sports clubs for hotties, etc etc etc. The results are pretty funny but interesting noenetheless.

Pity next week is the last episode but it'll prob be a great one to watch. Tuesday, 21h30. Channel 180.

wHEN I'm done with my alcohol detox next week I'll have a tequilsh (or 12) in honour of you, me and all the other potless lids braving this winter on their ace. ;)

frozen-heart said...

holy crap! my whole little sorryful skit was in role reverse! They the lids and me the pot! Jeessus! Frozen get a grip on being a pot!
Still ... fuck you Universe! he was a decent lid and you took him untimely away!

Roxanne said...

Ah, what a good post - as another member of the potless lid club I can relate all too well.

It also sucks that sometimes ill-fitting, crappy lids seem like they *may* fit, then the coating comes off.