Friday, June 26, 2009

being blah.com


It’s amazing. It takes only three days, and you feel like you never left the country.

Fax machine jams will do that to you.

You’ve caught up on everything, you’ve unpacked, you’ve started to experience the slippery slope of Post Trip Depression, and suddenly – you’re as good as fucked.

I’m in a bind people, and it’s troubling. Happening more regularly too. The more I travel, the more I want to travel. I thought it was bad in the days I wasn’t travelling at all, where all I wanted to do was see other places, yet all I could afford was a weekend in Natal. Now, it’s bad.

Travelling is like heroin; warn your children.

I’m thinking Shit. What am I going to do until October? (which is possibly the next time I travel.). Honestly I feel like I’m in a fucken prison sentence. October?

It’s amazing, all this seeing amazing places regularly, and meeting foreigners from places like Ukraine to real proper Brits that actually don’t live in Southfields. But it’s also a curse. It’s what is keeping me going – and that can’t be right.

I am a very sad case right now, in that for the past year, this is how I view life: when I’m away, travelling, experiencing language barriers, different foods, vibes and cultures, I feel whole and happy and normal. When I get back to Johannesburg, I really suffer.

It’s like life has become a departure lounge. What to do? I mean, maybe I’m feeling just a bit flat and blah after my trip, and it’ll even out in a few days, and life will be normal, but while everyone else has other priorities like getting married and plotting babies; I’m plotting a trip to Vietnam or Japan at the end of the year.

With the same enthusiasm that they plot completely different aspects of life from mine.
And completely not relating to people who want the 2.5 Dalmatians, rock on their finger, and house in Parkhurst.

(‘Oh my God, I’m engaged!’
‘Oh my God, I’m going to Rio!’)

True as.

Maybe it’s because both Doc and Poen- two of my best friends – are now not here anymore. Maybe it’s because I’ve had some jolly good fun abroad; maybe it’s because I am desperately over this town – whatever, either way, I always know – after a trip, all I do – is live for the next trip.

I sound like a flippen drug addict.

I went for a dinner last night, where I was trying to garner much enthusiasm for local stuff in aid of a French friend of mine. One has to be embassadorial, objective even, and overall, enthusiastic. She hasn’t done much more than Joburg, and yet, for a foreigner, South Africa is a fucken dream come true. Let’s be honest.

It’s cheap. Our wines are out of this world,[and cheap as chips], the coastline, mountains, bush, everything! It’s accessible and wild and beautiful.

So I dialled into the patriotic part of my brain and waxed lyrical about all our wonderful destinations that she simply has to see, with the pomposity of a tour guide.

And yet – truth be told - all I can dream is doing a sneaky trip between now and October to Provence.

To survive.

Five days of small-town Provencale living, in the Luberon, drinking Pastis, playing boule and talking shit to locals, in the south of France.

I miss France so much. After living there, I really have a deep connection to the French and their country.

I’m trying to currently weigh up the feasibility and my air miles. Crazy, never in a million years – until now - would I think of shooting over there for 5 days. Good Lord I’m fucked.

Whilst drinking Diemersfontein Pinotage in the process. (Because no matter what, that comes out tops, even my French friend said so.)

I am a bit screwed. And I’m hating it. I feel like I only live for the next trip, the next amazingly foreign experience. And in the meantime, I’m suffering in my home country.

It’s madness. I’m just keeping head above water and throwing myself into work. It’s unbalanced and unreasonable, even I know this.

And may it go away soon. Will it ever go away?

PS: Fuck! I got the sms at midnight - Michael Jackson has died. I was a full on fan, seriously, what devastating news. (All kiddie-fiddler, plastic surgery, freak of nature comments aside.) It's really really sad.

23 comments:

Tam said...

djudaPeas... I know how you feel. I also lived in the south of France briefly and now I am cursed with the "Provence lust"...

Tam said...

excuse the djudaPeas bit, It is early and I have a hangover...

Peas on Toast said...

Tam - Ah Tam! Where, where?? I don't know whether to cry about Provence or Michael Jackson.

Farrah Fawcett also died last night. Of anal cancer.

All this death :(

Amy said...

Oh my word, that's just plain insane....it's like you climbed into my brain and took the words from me in that post. That's exactly how I feel!!! We have this 5 week trip planned for the end of the year (if it was up to me, it would be at LEAST 6 weeks!....or actually we probably wouldn't even come back and would just continue exploring endlessly) and all I have been doing for the past 6 months is checking out travel websites and with my nose stuck in a travel guide or some or other travel publication! I have literally been living for the trip and because it's so far away I keep debating whether I maybe should not dash off in between now and then to see something else, like maybe the masai mara in Kenya or some time in Egypt because at least it's on the same continent! I could quite happily quit my job and go travelling indefinitely, no questions asked if I had the funds....and I too am so over this city. In fact, I yearn (much like your yearning for France) to go back to NYC where I lived a few years ago. Sorry, I'm rambling :-) And yip, very sad about Michael, was a huge fan and he was a big part of my wonder years!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Amy am sorry you're stuck in the same rut :( I'm glad someone out there understands how I feel, because I really feel like it's just me. I'm thoroughly thoroughly depressed. And MJ just tipped me over the edge :(

I don't quite know what to do with myself, truth be told. Perhaps some time in Kenya and Egypt isn't a bad idea - I have two good friends there. But seriously, do you think we'll ever be normal? Or settled?

Tam said...

I stayed in Cap d'Antibes and had many a disco in Juan-les-Pins. I get all weepy whenever I see a little organic market on tv. Shit I even miss their awesome tinned food :( (and the wine... oh lordy the wine) right im off for a good cry now...

Peas on Toast said...

Tam - Yay (not for the crying), because I've also wept a few tears this morning - good GOD I'm depressed - but wow, Antibes is gorgeous. Breifly visited the place ten years ago.

Oh lord, how to get through the next hours, days, weeks......:(

Revolving Credit said...

Maybe you should try some crack (no pun..evil grin), cause once you're addicted to the drug you won't be worried about traveling unless it's to meet your dealer.

a) Crack, while expensive is probably cheaper that a weekly trip to Reykjavik.
b)At least you can get your fix in the comfort of your own home.

Hmmm...did I just advocate the benefits of becoming a drug addicted....need to think about that one.

Revolving Credit said...

..or did I just advocate the benefits of becoming a rug muncher...now I feel better..thanx.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Peas - why would you ever want to be just plain normal? There are enough ordinary people out there, so I think our focus should be on being extraordinary! :)

To be honest, I haven't figured it all out yet (and trust me I am working on it...) but I tell myself that the fact that I am at least thinking about it and not settled means I'm alive and not complacent and most importantly not ordinary. I constantly look at everyone around me and ask myself, "do I envy their lives?" And have yet to find someone whose life I envy completely. Yes, I may envy certain aspects of certain peoples lives sometimes.

As for the desire to travel - I keep toying with the idea of an extended sabbatical and just doing it but the ambitious keeps going what about the career?? Have yet to work out the balance. I know someone who has bought a guide to over 50 cities in the world just to deal with the travel urge.

For the moment, I just keep trying new things I've never done before or going to new places I've never gone before in and around Slaapstad. In an attempt to keep that hunger to see and experience different things just a little bit satisfied.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - crack is whack. But right now, I should be at least considering it. And while doing so, pretending I'm in Iceland. :(

Amy - I hear you, I need to get myself out of this awful rut, and maybe force msyelf to get out. Even if its the last thing I feel like doing. Starting this weekend, tomorrow I'm going to go out and be sociable and bloody well enjoy it. Or pretend to. ;)

I'm also toying with a sabbatical. In a year or two. At 30 - nice round age to do that right? ;)

NEWSFLASH, SO THAT WE DON'T ALL DIE OF DEPRESSION:
i heard that Michael Jackson has cancelled all his upcoming dates. They were James (aged 9) and Thomas (aged 10).

Revolving Credit said...

Ok this is getting bizzare.

- Michael Jackson is dead.

- Farrah Fawcett is dead.

-Jeff Goldblum is not dead, yet.

What hell is up with Hollywood?

Dead is the new black!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev and Jeff - I know! Bit of a shit day for Farrah (besides dying of course), Michael Jackson has completely stolen her thunder!

PS:He's not actually dead! He's just in a children's hospital having a stroke.

Peas on Toast said...

hahah i THOUGHT YOU WERE ALSO jEFF. HAHAHAHAHA

Revolving Credit said...

Do you think I can copyright:
'DEAD IS THE NEW BLACK'

Peas on Toast said...

Yes! Do it! DO IT!

Revolving Credit said...

The way you shouted that out seemed almost as if I was touching you...hahaha

Wait, I'm, Jeff, not Michael...my bad.

Let me go find a white glove nd get back to you on that.

Peas on Toast said...

haha :)

Revolving Credit said...

Was always gonna happen, Jacko humour!

'Michael Jackson was actually found dead in a Paediatric Ward after having a stroke!'

index.html said...

I've been traveling my whole life, and have lived in several different countries. I have been in the US (my home country) for 2 years and I want OUT. NOW. I know exactly how you feel!

Kate said...

ahhhhh i know exactly how you feeling kid- the travel bug is a disease... ahhhhh i wanna go somewhere right now...

Kate said...

ahhhhh i know exactly how you feeling kid- the travel bug is a disease... ahhhhh i wanna go somewhere right now...