Wednesday, June 10, 2009

fluo-culture

A Brit friend of mine led me to this incredible site. A store fully stuck in the 90s rave scene.
I’m in love.

Good GOD, look at this bad boy:
See, it’s all about psychology. You, maybe even a normal person, might look at it and think: I’m going to vomit.

Or maybe you think, ‘If I saw my mate in that, I’d pretend I didn’t know who she was.’
Or maybe you think, ‘You’ve finally lost the plot mate.’

I see great potential.
Hear me out.

Whack this beeyoot under a UV light and you have instant magic. It’s David Copperfield in cloth.

It’s that classic example of it’s so bad it’s good. It’s so hideous it’s done a 360.

It has ventilation units.
People, this raver top is not a work of fashion, it is a work of science.

It is nothing short of the intricate design of a biological genius. And there must be some demand for this ridiculous sort of merchandise, because it comes in a range of different colours and sizes.

This baby isn’t a once-off; it’s not a patent. It’s a collection.
There’s a whole gavvy of these floating around underground trance parties where people throw around rave wands like javelins, drop hecstasy, and make appliance-movement shapes with their hands to the likes of Armand Van Helden.

And I want a piece of it.

Its usage may be niche, but the possibilities of owning something like this (Retailing at 55 quid) has endless and perhaps irreversible consequences. [Speaking of which – do you think you can wear this guy inside out?]

See, you could do a pub crawl in it at your bachelor’s, you could sleep in it, you could host a Bump 5 party in it, you could go to Evolution in Midrand and score the bouncer in it, or you could actually even cut shapes in it.

All I’m merely saying is: I’m close to buying it. But instead of pressing ‘Submit Shopping Cart’, like I did with the piano, I’m writing out all the reasons – merely for purposes of practicability – of why maybe I should think this through first. I’ll be in London for a weekend after Turkey, so I shall go to the shop myself, should I decide that this mean lean raver machine has my name written all over it.

I asked my mate what he thought of it. ‘It’s Cheese. You love cheese.’
Well yes, sure, literally and figuratively.
[Oh jesus, imagine eating cheese in this cheese? Now that’s a feeling I couldn’t put a price on.]
‘I’ll pretend I won’t know you. It’s not the shizzbomb you think it is.’

Maybe the world only thinks they don’t love it but they actually do. They want to love it, but society dictates that they shouldn’t. When deep down, they actually do. The diametrics of the colours, the symmetry, the aethestically-crafted air vents for those ravers who push more beads than the employees of an Indonesian sweat shop. It’s all there. It’s nothing short of a fabric masterpiece.

It’s all about the mind. Love it. Just love it. Go on. Just let go and love it. It won’t hurt you or break your heart, and I won’t tell your friends.

Let go of all of your pre-conceived ideas of what should be deemed ‘unforgivably bad taste’, and put down the phone: the fashion police aren’t on speed dial. You love it. Admit it, embrace it, welcome it. Let it into your heart.

[I don’t mean to sound like an evangelistical preacher from Vomville, Tennessee, but you have to admit: it’s a great sales pitch. Did I mention I’m an Amway shareholder?***]

And then when you do love it, let me know, because I think I want one. For those especially tedious boardroom meetings that involve the pushing of a lucrative deal involving flipping great wodges of revenue. I can make things happen in this.

I’m just saying. It’s psychology. And you know you want to love it.

There’s a fine line between love and hate. Def Leppard wrote a song about it. When pop-culture and ‘Oh my god you’re wearing a submarine’ collide.

PS: Some come with fur arms. Neon polar bears are all the rage, didn’t you know?


*** Not. I prefer the shampoo from my hairdressers.

16 comments:

iamdebbiedeb said...

that holey top paired with black pvc hotpants and these bad boys: http://www.cyberdog.net/cybershop/pages/item.php?color=FLUO_PINK&count=4&start=0&cat=accessories&subcat=42_leg%20warmers&item=11532

wear you hair in pig tails with lime green ribbons, cover your body in silver glitter- you wont pull just one bouncer, you'll pull TWO. AND the girl working the bar. what a joll!

Peas on Toast said...

debbie - hahahaha :)
Isn't this stuff crazeee? I mean, is it for real even?

I just want to know WHERE you can go in JHB wearing this stuff and actually be able to pull it off without looking like I'm having an identity crisis. It's just so heavenly!

tyrone said...

Not 100% certain :), but I reckon you'll be hot in any of the following places:

- Boksburg // Sutra // H2O
- Bloemfontein
- Klerksdorp
- Pofadder
- Parys
- Pietersburg
- VK's lounge

I'm sure there's more.

bosotter said...

OMFG!!!
PEAS! This is the bomb, not A bomb, THE bomb!!!
Dress exactly like deb said and go to H2O!
YOU! Yes, YOU, can become the the female version of Vernon Koekemoer!
You would have to work on your name though... I'm thinking... Frederika van Rensburg!

Debi said...

jaysus, peas! this top screams "own me". don't let ANYone talk you out of it.
you can pull hot shit like this off ANYWHERE. i'm gonna get me one, and it'll be my winter beach shirt. it's kinda like a rash vest with winter bits, right?

po said...

Peas. I promise to love it if and only if you post a picture of you in it to this blog. Then I will declare my undying love for it and admit to its classic beauty.

iamdebbiedeb said...

H2O my bruuuuuu....
just make sure you can like to wear a white hat, and have some glow stixxx just for incase...

gawd i miss souf afrika

tyrone said...

Buy the top and get a pair of buffalos for free... gratis...

Plus 1 x whistle and a mullet.

Peas on Toast said...

Hi guys!

HAHAHA awesome, thanks so much for the feedback - I really really thought that you'd all be like, 'Good God woman you're fucken mental.'

H20, Frerderica van Rensburg, good lord this is great!
Thanks for loving it guys - I'll be going to Camden the moment I'm there to claim my prize! :)

teehee
xxxxx

Charmskool said...

There's a club in Goodwood (on Voortrekker Road) where this top would be the bomb - but you would need to make your hair peroxide blonde with black roots to really fit in. Nah sorry I just can't build up any enthusiasm for it - although I'm starting to feel some affection for the furry bits....

Peas on Toast said...

Ah, a lukewarm response from Charm! At first I was beginning to think everyone had one of these stashed in their wardrobes somewhere:) teehee

I did the peroxide thing for two years. And then my hair started breaking off. So maybe a wig? ;)

Charmskool said...

Ah split and broken over-processed cottonwool hair with black roots and that top - you could cut the remaining hair into a mullet - now you're really starting to work the look! Ok so my response is still a little blah. But I do like the furry bits - especially if they are bunny fur (fake that is). Then maybe some Cerise plastic stilletto's with pointy toes?

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - no not blah at all! When you mentioned the cerise stilleto's, I nearly slid off my chair. In a sexual way. ;)

And yes I agree about the neon-polarbear arms. You can't put a price on that stuff, that's for darn certain :)

Gustav Bertram said...

It's not raver stuff! It's all cybergoth stuff.

No, really.

Mickey G said...

I've actually bought clothing from this shop in Camden a few years back, and if you think the top is out there wait till you walk through the shop. It's freeky but in a good way.

Enjoy!!!

MidniteGem said...

I saw the top and just knew the shop you were going to be writing about. Love that store! Yea it is Cyber goth and I love it! The whole shop pumps like a rave all the time and that top is just the beginning - it gets even better. Enjoy your outing there when your here in London! Was in there last week and just wanted to buy a whole outfit and rave it up right there and then!