Wednesday, June 24, 2009

why its good to be home

After ten days of solid lugging about a giant suitcase, a full-on oil canvas and all sorts of other random crap that gets public transport commuters all uppity, and after a long and smashing trip, it’s good to be home.

At least for now.

For one, You get to take a shower. Going plane to plane, train to train, you gonna start to smell. And it’s probably going to be really rank.

If you live alone, your place is [usually] how you left it
That’s if you haven’t been ransacked/cleaned out by the fingers of a thousand thieves. It does cross your mind in the unlikeliest of situations. You’ll be sipping on a fuckwhoppingly expensive beer in a Muslim country, having the time of your life and suddenly you’re like, ‘Fuck. Hope I haven’t been burgled.’

Or browsing a neon aisle in Camden, entitled ‘Techno Sex’ (, pondering whether you could get away with a whoring pink tutu in the office and suddenly it’s like, ‘Shit. I wonder whether my car will be there when I get home?’

But if all is well, you don’t come home to piles of minging dishes, you do your laundry naked, and you can place the Afghan Girl painting in the bathroom. [She’ll be watching you, if you ever get the privilege to use my bog.] And no one can give me grief about my d├ęcor.

You don’t have to go out
Ripping the ring out of That’s what you do when you’re in crazy cities like London and Istanbul. Rip it, push, and then feel in the morning after a huge night out in London with yer mates.

And. You don’t have to worry about gallivanting around a pub full of Footie fans, while South Africa canes the Lions. And you’re thinking, ‘Look at your bad self with all them tough stickers inked onto your arms,’ and you’re wearing your bloomers like so:
[The Aussies in there hated us too. Sorry we were painting everyone’s nails. But seriously, with everyone sporting the same colour nails – men and women – one can’t deny the commaderie. So we are mental. There’s always a moment for Essie. Even in an English pub.]

You get to absorb and ponder. Like this quote for instance:

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should just be friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-heart, a real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.’ - Neil Gaiman.

Heavy. But an excellent reminder. In the event I'd ever let that happen to me again.

You can listen to one track on repeat.
Admit it, you do it too. Killing songs is my vibe. Am I alone here?


Nessers said...

I am with you on the love thing - giving it a wide berth from now on to the point of leaving someone if I even think I may come close to loving them - I will not get hurt like that ever ever again - and yes I play a song to death also heheh - I mean its the only way to learn the words properly

Welcome back by the way

getaway said...

Nope, not alone on that one - guess most of us sucks like that. Same song first thing when you get home,when you get into your car (or anyone else' car), and each of the 14 times a day it plays on the radio - not like you can't relate to EVERY other love song playing!
Neil Gaiman really hits the nail on the head. It just takes one person, one smile, one gesture that hits home and we're all putty-on-a-hot-day.Declaring the world a not so harsh place, where the usual cynicism (which serves our defense like the great wall of China) is not quite as necessary. Dumb.

Right on Peas. Like Dorothy said in those cute red must-haves - there's no place like home!

Welcome back hun!

Right on Nessers - Quit while still ahead!

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - completely agree. The moment I start to feel like something is slightly out of control I wind it back in, and very quickly. If only I learnt how to do this three years ago, but I suppose better late than never. It's something that CAN be learnt - growing armour and walls! I am all for it :) That hurt is just too much to bear.

getaway - hahah, exactly! I have a song on at the moment that's on a CD in my car, on my PC at work and on my DVD at home. It;'s everywhere and I'm killing it...god it's fantastic! :)
And yeah as cynical as this Neil Gaiman is, frankly, he's right on the money. Sadly!

bosotter said...

Hey Peas! Welcome back!
Totally with you on the the killing of songs! But as nessers said: It's the only way to learn the words properly!
As for the whole love thing, (more like an in-love-thing), I have to disagree somewhat! Yes, one stupid smile from one stupid person and jelly becomes you! But isn't that what life is all about; you live, you learn (Alanis Morissette). Sometimes it fucks up, accept it! If it doesn't hurt you're not alive and you're not human! Fall head over heels in love, go with the flow and just live your life! Maybe you'll get hurt, but maybe just maybe you won't!!! But don't let one stupid person pay for what a complete idiot did to you! Love is not like investing, sometimes you have to give a lot without expecting any return. It sucks, but it's the truth, we've all been there!

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - I agree about us being on both ends - sometimes we break hearts sometimes we get our hearts broken, absolutely. The investing part is what it's all about for me: is it worth the investment? Is that person worth the investment? Or are they too much of a risk factor? It's like investing on the stock exchange - do you want high risk/high returns? Or a medium risk scenario where you know you might lose all your hard earned cash?

I just think letting go and dropping the armour means you have to assess what you're dealing with first. Before I'd just throw myself in. I've learnt - only recently in the past few months, that one has to be sensible with choice. It's all about the investment for sure :)

getaway said...

Feel you on the "live" besotter. You can't deprive yourself of the good because of the bad. Its a two way street though. On the one end you make a good point then on the other end there is more to life than the opposite sex. It's healthy to feel protected - by yourself. Leaves you with a sense of self-reliance - faith in you.

Its just so risky man, some people actually prey on others' emotions. The weak don't survive - Darwin said. In the case of relationships its whoever is more emotionally expressive. We take advantage of each other - its human nature.

There i go - cynical!!

getaway said...

Definitely assess and then re-assess. But then with love we usually go in eyes wide shut. We think we know...but oblivion is probably part of the excitement. The mystery.

LOL We such suckers!!

Guess all you can do is hope you know what you're doing :)

Peas on Toast said...

bossoter - yeah call me crazy, but kind of really loving the fact I haven't had a broken heart for more than a year! Seriously! It just takes the wind out of my sails, and it's been really nice to avoid all that drama for an entire year - a new record for me!!

And frnakly, I'd like to keep it that way. :)

Peas on Toast said...

getaway - that's what I used to do - go in with blinkers, and just 'go with it' even if alarm bells were sirening off in my head. Now I am always aware of being aware,. Like if something seems a little off, it probably is. And now I realise much quicker before the heart gets torn to shreds kind of thing. Really really helps!

bosotter said...

Look guys, I hear you! You making it sound as if I like getting my heart shat on, which is not the case! I, for one, have also had the luxury of not having a broken heart for two years now, which is good for the emotions/brain/diet/gym and all that! When your gut tells you that something is not right and you choose to ignore it and keep on doing what you're doing you cannot be angry at the world if everything comes down in little blood stained pieces! That said; When something feels SO right there is no point to go all Virgo on it and try to dissect it to the point where you MISS the point! So what I'm trying to say is; trust your gut, ALWAYS!!!

Revolving Credit said...

Afghan girl wathcing you on the bog?
Is she watching out for TaliBum??

I'm quite surprised that you haven't already worn a whoring pink tut to the office?
Well, if you did, I'm not sure that the bloomers would work swell with that outfit...just saying.

Spear The Almighty said...

As domesticated man, I only worry if my swimming pool will turn green and/or my grass will die when I travel. :)

Peas on Toast said...

bossoter - When something feels SO right there is no point to go all Virgo on it and try to dissect it to the point where you MISS the point!

hahahaha GOING ALL VIRGO ON IT? wahaha classic, you've hit the nail on the head - Virgo is my bag baby. Can you tell? ;)

Rev - I'm saving it for a big board meeting on Friday. Can you dig it? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Spear - hahaha, and whether the lawnmower will work when you're home right? ;)

Charmskool said...

Reeelly enjoyed this trip (the descriptions) and even entertained my buddies with the story about you using the next door room's loo whilst "not yourself". Love Neil Gaiman, and yep I play the same track on repeat so often I can sing the songs in my sleep (I think I do sleep sing). Current replay fave is Me, the man, and Jim by Rilo Kiley (Bete keeps me on the correct musical track at all times - without her influence I'd probably be playing Tony Bennet tracks over and over again heehee)

Revolving Credit said...

Had a friend who had a 'break-in' while she was away for month.

Followed armed response in thru broken security door and found the house 'devastated'.

Turns out that burglars were disturbed while breaking in so apart from breaking the security door, they didn't actually get in and steal stuff.

The devastation we observed was caused by the frenzied last minute packing of the friend - there was shit strewn all over the house as she attempted to pack an then repack her bag shortly before departing for the airport.

Didn't have the heart to tell the armed response guy that 'No, it's not be ransacked, that's what it normally looks like, we can't even tell if anything was stolen'

bosotter said...

Only just slightly most of the time... hahaha!

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - aw bless I'm glad Im entertaining someone around here :) teehee

I think I need Bete's influence too, my lusic could DEFINITELY do with some cool upliftment.

Rev - shitters! hahahaha :) My house is a la Monica most of the time (it's a Virgo thing - you should know), so if one picture was out of alignment, I'd proberly freak
Funnily though, they'll probably find out something is stolen 6 months later :)

Amy said...

"Live" - yes, maybe. Ever heard of 'once bitten twice shy'? You can compare falling in love to investing and risk and return all you want but its the down time after a 'failed investment' (if you want to keep with the finance talk) that is just plain killer. I hate that time. It wastes so much energy because it's not like removing yourself from the situation renders the 'out of sight,out of mind' thing. Nope, not when your mind has a memory of its own that you can't control(yes, I just said the mind has a memory)and you keep remembering things, analysing things, are reminded of things, try make sense of things. And frankly, if I think of all the things I want to do in this life, I would much rather spend my time and energy on that than trying to recover,trying to control my mind and nurse my hurt. So yes, live. And, yes life's about experiences. But some things you only have to experience once to know what it's like and to know that you don't like it.

Revolving Credit said...

So, when you're home, you don't like to get dirty?

Rory said...

Nice pic. I'd hit that ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Amy - you mirror my thoughts sistah. And frankly, if I think of all the things I want to do in this life, I would much rather spend my time and energy on that than trying to recover,trying to control my mind and nurse my hurt.

I feel the time I've spent nursing hurt and stuff is this black voidy hole, and frankly I've had enough too. I need to know that when I invest in something now, the hurt was worth it. Not just because I made a bad decision. Does that make sense?

Rev - I can dirty any place, anytime. So willing :)

Rory - wow, thanks. I think ;)

Rory said...

Its the bloomers I tell you.

Peas on Toast said...

They're WELL sexy aren't they. Teehee :)

Amy said...

Totally makes sense. I spent a large part of last year in a black hole and I absolutely hated how I was such a mess. Because to the rest of the world (and myself) I'm the ambitious go-getter who doesn't allow things to get the better of her! And I hated how I just lost focus and felt like crap completely and just couldn't get a grip. Over a boy, nogal!!

So now when people ask stuff like, 'when are you putting yourself back on the market?' Or, 'are you seeing anyone?'....I reply, "Nope, I'm not chasing the white picket fence and two kids dream like you, my bucket list includes other stuff because life is about ME and should Christian Bale (or his look-alike) propose and ask me to have his kids, I'll have to check if it's COMPLIMENTARY to my life first." :)

Angus Hervey said...


That's a pretty interesting piece of prose you've rustled up there from Mr Gaiman.

Interestingly enough, you'll be pleased to hear that he's just fallen in love, with someone called Amanda Palmer. They both write amazing blogs (she, in particular, is pretty amazing, check out her latest posting).

Peas on Toast said...

Amy - seriously, you are exactly where I am when it comes to the gooey stuff. Losing focus and stuff over a boy just slows me down. And I've let it slow me down way too much in the past. It's not on my bucket list either - if someone walks into my stupid life and enhances it in some way, is on the same page as me, gets me, then wonderful. But until then, I'd rather stay as I am.

Angus - wow thanks for this, I had no idea! So the old cynic fell did he? He crossed over to the other side! I will definitely check out her blog, thanks for this little titbit.