Wednesday, August 12, 2009

how to learn a language the fun way

A mate and I were playing Teacher Teacher yesterday.
Cracking whips rulers across knuckles and stuff.

Pity, it wasn’t so much done in a bedroom as it was over chat, [because between you and me – I’m getting my mojo back.]

But back to classroom antics, he was teaching me Spanish, and I was teaching him…German. (Which is where Google Translate comes in handy.)

Mate: Now Spanish es muy facile. It’s very easy.

Peas: Si si! Tortillas quesidillas buritos fajitas. (I know the important things: foodstuffs.)

Mate: OK. What does this mean: El torro con los testiculos muy grande es de Mexico.

Peas: Your…..body with the testicles…. is much bigger in Mexico?
Oh wait - the BULL with testicles is much bigger in Mexico?
Bulls in Mexico have bigger bollocks?

Mate: The bull with the big testicles is from Mexico.

Peas: Yes please? I could definitely use that all the time in random conversation, totally.

Mate: El perro con el culo pequeño es de Bélgica.

Peas: Let’s see…the parrot…with the smelly from Belgium?

Mate: The dog with the small asshole is from Belgium.

Peas: hahaha. I mean, jajajajajaja.

Mate: El burro con un vesícula biliar apestoso es sin amigos a la playa.

Peas: Oy fajitas. Toughie. OK: The boy…had a he can play with his friends?
Wow. You're a very special Spanish teacher.

Mate: Come on! Burro? A boy? Come on! Everyone knows what burro is.

Peas: No, what, pray, is a burro.

Mate: A donkey. They're kind of famous for them.

Peas: Ooh ok. Famous donkeys.

How about: The famous donkey had a bipolar vasectomy so that he didn't impregnate his friends??

Mate: Actually it means, The donkey with the stinky gallbladder has no friends on the beach.

Peas: Yes, because I could DEFINITELY see it said that.
Your knowledge of Spanish vernacular is interesting. To say the least.

Mate: El hombre con los pies grandes es probablemente Inglés

Peas: The man with huge feet is probably English.

Mate: Correct.

Peas: I'm a farken genius. It’s just like French man.
Your turn, let’s get a crack at your German.
Der Mann mit dem Ballen auf seinem Gesicht lebt in Düsseldorf

Mate: Not a clue, except for the ‘in Dusseldorf’ part.

Peas: The man with the bunion on his face lives in Dusseldorf.
Ok Die Katze saß in sheiße

Mate: The cat sat in shit?

Peas: Correct. How about: "Nein, keine Peitsche, die in Öffentlichkeit, sind Sie verrückt?"

Mate: “No, my little peach…”

Peas: Wrong. It means, “No, don't whip it out in public, are you insane?”
Right. Der Mann isst Bananen und streichelte seine behaarten Hund.

Mate: The man eats bananas while he...straddles a lovely dog?

Peas: Almost. The man eats bananas while stroking his hairy dog. One more. Die Frau geht die Straße entlang, während farting.

Mate: The woman crosses…the street…while…farting.

Peas: Pretty much. The woman walks down the street while farting.

Now that’s the shit you wanna take to foreign dinner parties.

If you’re ever-so..inclined.

In other news, don’t you wish you could say this any which situation – social, boardroom, over the phone, anywhere – without being judged:
1) Howzit my china from another vagina! (Thanks dude. ‘Brutha from anotha mutha’ is so 1992)
2) That mistake you just made, THAT FUCKING MISTAKE - is gonna rip me another asshole.
[pragmatic pause] That’s right! ANOTHER ONE.
3) You’re a fucking cunt.

Plucked last night. Totally.


DelBoy said...

How about "La donna con le grande tette è un politico italiano"?

Interesting way to keep busy.

Anonymous said...

I need a Red Bull after stumbling like a toreadore throogh that lot.. Better to speak international.. Know what I mean Peas?
You knooow! Your fav word... The F word.... No dictionary requiered.. FUCK! Fuck? You wan Fuck?


Yes! Yes! Yes!

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh DelBoy - yes! OK let me see:

'The lady with the big tits is a political Italian??'


Levi - Indeed, the F-Bomb is a wonderfully international word that does what it's meant over and over again. Next to cunt, it's my favourite. :)

Nessers said...

Ooohhh CUNT is my Favourite word followed very closely by POES so I would fit right in the boardroom heheh - now picture the word Poes with a scottish accent and that is what I sound like saying it lol

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - teehee :)
Yeah the C-Bomb and the F-Bomb - used together - is rhetoric obsceneity magic!

Secret said...

I totally say "Howzit my china from another vagina" and "Fuck you Cunt" all the time.
People just know me like that - and moreover, I dont care if they judge me, coz ima judging them TOOO.
I mean, I do have friends who walks around the local clubs (in Observatory, mind you) asking every man if they have a Penis and then screaming "Fuck off" at them, so what is "China from another Vagina" or "my Bro from another Ho" compared to that? Lol.

Peas on Toast said...

Secret - excelllllent! Conofidence in all obsecnetities is KEY. One can't whisper or mumble 'er...hello my china from another....[gasp] vagina.' One has to take the sentiment by the horms and yell it, whereby the victim scurries away and hides under a desk.

I like you; and I like your friends.

Anonymous said...

its the local Jerry Springer show! Jou mal Aunt Tillie se bloed poes skiet sky rockets oor die dokke!! You beat that one miss Secret.. :-)

Secret said...

Well you know what ecentric broken hearted emotional girls are like - hell hath no fury.

Peas, i meant to ask you - did you see Ms Hilary Clinton having her bitch fit with the reporter that translated incorrectly?
"Are YOU asking me my HUSBANDS opinion? My HUSBAND is NOT the Secratary of STATE!"

I lolled.

Peas on Toast said...

Levi - always sounds extra fruity in Afrikaans :)

Secret - I heard about it yeah - and frankly, I love her even more! Flippen LOST it in the DRC :)

Secret said...

Oh was it the DRC? My bad...close enough - Africa is one big country according to the Americans anyway. :P

Peas on Toast said...

haha don't worry, I have no idea where the United States is, either.

You're from where? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Bull testicles, small assholes, stinky gallbladders, straddling and stroking dogs,whipping it out on public...seems like you're giving talking dirty a whole new multi-cultural perspective.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you love it don't you? You AMOR it. You LIEBE it. You IAMO it. You AMOUR it :)

Revolving Credit said...

Sacude la pole en la felicidad!

Revolving Credit said...

Schüttelt den Pol im Glücklichkeit!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - secure the pole and celebrate??

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like you have some pole dancing in mind?

Peas on Toast said...

According to your foreign chitchat, I have to secure the pole first though, right? ;)

Anonymous said...

im a gardener, beans love poles, peas love poles, but peas do not like being planted near asparagus.

Revolving Credit said...

Shake, not secure.
Although, would secure mean clutch firmly??

DelBoy said...


'The woman with the big tits is an Italian politician'

Do you remember Cicciolina?

Teoh said...

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