Tuesday, December 15, 2009

don't drink red squares on a school night


I need a holiday so badly, that if I don’t go on one, my family members will need to check me into Shady Pines Straight Jacketing Facility.

I know I need one, because my frustration levels are reaching beyond Everest right now. You know when:

You save the world. And nobody notices. If you saved the entire galaxy, even if it was completely unnecessary, then they might. Maybe. To a lesser extent, you work your ass/arms/legs/limbs/uvula off, and you wonder whether the extra effort is even measurable. Even though you’re killing yourself over here. Is it worth it?

Your animalistic inclination for the carnal need to be rogered is becoming almost feverish.
Nuff said.

You drink with a bunch of male mates on a Monday night. And your alcohol of choice is based on which brand will hit your blood stream the quickest.
Quality is not factor in choice at the minute. Annihilation is.

No period of sleep is long enough. Even if you far manage to surpass the 12 hour solid REM mark
And I’m sleeping with my face planted square on into my mattress. Even when I haven’t had a big night.

You have no more fight left.
Even for the smallest things. The cashier will overcharge you. And you quietly accept and retreat. Arguing about it will lead to nothing except more protracted exhaustion. And when you’re running a tight ship on energy, you can’t afford to fight for anything.

You’ve had enough of the Ass Diet. Which you’ve been doing dedicatedly for almost two months.
You eat two hotdogs in quick succession. Both ladled in a 2kgs of All Gold. And with the viennas with that squirty cheese inside them.

You have a feeling someone might’ve stolen your identity and/or married you and is living it up in South Africa, whereupon he should be in Lagos. You lost your ID book weeks ago.
And yet, it’s “next year’s problem.”

You need new tyres. Desperately. A caring mate shouts at you.
On wet days, you ski to work.

You put Body Shimmering Cream (Vanilla, The Body Shop) on your toothbrush.
It’s not a kulula.com billboard; it’s reality. It does come in a squeeze tube.

So. I’m just saying.

PS:..Ref the title...you won't fall asleep until 2:30am.

PPPS: I have announced the winners of the Top Gear Competition. It wasn't easy, but someone had to do it. Thank you everyone who participated and sent me a mail - I was overwhelmed with responses, and it was a tough choice.
What it came down to, in order to grapple with the load of creative and informative answers to my inbox, was this:

1) Who was the quickest on the draw? (Nobody won a competition by being slow)

2) Which answers were correct? Now. I don't know who the Stig is, but most of you seemed to be pretty confident in your descriptions.

I wish I could've given you all tickets, seriously. Even the guy who Blackberried me from Lagos airport on the same morning. However winners had to be picked, lines had to be drawn.
So well done all of you who won, and enjoy the show!

19 comments:

Aasia said...

oh my god. do we share the same life? very sad, very true

Peas on Toast said...

Aasia - you also put body cream on your toothbrush? ;)

Sigh. WE NEED HOLIDAYS!

wozzel said...

i'm going on holiday!!!

Aasia said...

Peas- worse- took said toothrbush back to bedroom, took out socks, left toothbrush in sock draw. woke up this morning, thought, where in hells balls did my toothbrush disappear to?

The Silent Me said...

I hear you, Dec is supposed to be for relaxation, but noooo, its time for everybody to scramble and catch up with work, not nice. I lost my toothbrush and had to go buy one at the garage this morning.

And Lagos airport sucks. bad.

Peas on Toast said...

Aasia - that's impressive! Once my dad put his socks in the toilet thinking it was the laundry basket.
He needed a holiday just like you ;)

Silent Me - So you're the Lagos guy eh? I'm thinking it was a business not, not so much a pleasure leisure one! :)

I am so overly worked and stressed right now, so much for tapering down to the holidays - no siree!

The Silent Me said...

Ha, netiher business nor pleasure, just stupidity. get the same kind of looks when I tell people about it as I got this morning when I went to buy a toothbrush in my boxer shorts and a smile :p

the branch manager said...

So did I win?

Thedailyspew said...

I feel your pain POT, there is no fight left in the old dog - and my much anticipated break between and xmas and new years seems to have evaporated - cant work in a capitalist job and expect time off

Peas on Toast said...

Silent Me - I hope they're those silky satin numbers, when you popped out to the shop in search of a toothbrush :)

the branch manager - I'm not sure mate, did you?

dailyspew - should we retire and go and start up a rum shack in Jamaica?

The Silent Me said...

It has penguins on.......lol

The Silent Me said...

And yes it was those nasty silky ones

wozzel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peas on Toast said...

Silent - haha! Classy :)

The Silent Me said...

ah well that time of the morning I couldn't be bothered,especially not after drinking that much on a Monday, almost time for some hair of the dog I think. If we are still allowed in news cafe, they are nasty those things, but they're linux branded (*sniffle* i'm a geek)

Elle said...

Amen! Yesterday I was cooking while doing laundry and instead of spraying Preen on the giant stain of my brand new white dress, I used the Cook & Bake (both in pink bottles) DRess ruined! I definitely need a holiday!

Peas on Toast said...

Silent me - nice work! Hop hair of the dog worked ;)

Elle - oh no....!! Try and put Vanish over the Cook & Bake, you never know...?

Billy said...

I have knocked my daughters head on the car door frame so many times in the last week she know puts her hands over her head and repeats ok ok ok ok when i put her in. Have taken her to work twice in the last week. Her holiday care's in the other direction.... i need a holiday!

Billy said...

I know now is knot knowing.