Last year's April Fool's was so much better. I planned and plotted for days before to create a masterpiece - that's right - to foil my mate, and this year on the train to work, I almost forgot it was the big day.
So I called up my colleague back in South Africa:
Peas: Dude, hi, can I chat you through a marketing project I've been roped into.
She: Cool, what's it about?
Peas: Well it's kind of fun, just up my street, but a bit concerned about the content we have to push.
She: OK, who commissioned this?
Peas: That's the problem. The Head of Marketing UK, Lester Scribley.
She: Wow. That's pretty cool.
Peas: Well, yes and no. I don't know how to tell him that I think we may be pushing the envelope too far on this one.
She: So what is it.
Peas: It's a campaign based on UK visitors coming to the World Cup. Scribley wants me on the team because I'm a Saffa. In order to hook visitors, he wants to run a dating site attached to our brand, called Hook Up At The World Cup.
She: That's a pretty lame name for a campaign.
Peas: I kinda liked it. You know, the rhyming of...Up with Cup...yes? No?
Peas: Anyway. It's a dating site for horny Brits wanting to get laid during the World Cup obviously.
She: That's ok though.
Peas: Sure, everyone wants a little sugar. Especially on tour.
She: So what's the issue?
Peas: In order to wheedle out the paedophiles and sex addicts, he wants to run a survey for users on entering the site. And although some of the questions are valid, like, 'Are you sexually active, click yes or no', the ones at the end are going to spark a rather hectic stream of....dire controversy.
She: OK, like what.
Peas: Question 4). Do you find donkeys attractive?
Question 5) Do you have sex more than 7 times a day?
Question 6) Do you touch yourself at work?
Question 7) Do you find children sexually evocative in any form or function?
She:...did Lester Scribley make these up?
Peas: No...he got a sex psychologist on board. For the 'safe dating' stance.
She: I think it's a fantastic idea.
She: Yes, I think we should be doing something like that here. It would work so well in our market.
Peas: Er...what about donkey sex being related back to our brand?
She: It's valid. I'm going to give him a call now directly and see if we can syndicate this for our marketing plans. I love it.
Peas: You're going to phone him?
She: Yes, right now.
Peas: Don't do that. He's a very busy man.
She: I know him well.
Peas: You do?!
She: Happy bluff April Fool's Peas, we set our alarm clocks today because we were expecting this call.
She: I had you from the beginning.
Peas: Fuck that shit.
We're going to France at sparrow's on Saturday!
Bring on the reckless throwing of myself over rugged cliff faces and snowy knolls!
And gluhwein for the pain!
Meribel, here we come. En belle belle Fwonce.
Happy Easter all...