Tuesday, July 13, 2010

tears


I have been numb and pulling my hair out over the 6 months. To the point where I it hasn't really started sinking in that I leave South Africa tomorrow.

I am crying big hot tears as I write this. As I have been doing all morning.
It's starting to feel real now. A day before I go. It might've been the migraine I had last night, while tossing and turning in my mother's borrowed sleeping bag in a shell of a house, no curtains, no furniture, nothing.

C2, Dove and myself sat on my bare floors last night just talking, friends calling to say goodbye, and even then it didn't seem real that I'm leaving my loved ones behind.

Got into my car this morning for my last run to work, to tie things up and say goodbye. And bawled all through the traffic. When will be the next time I actually drive a car after today?

Basically, will I forget how to drive?

I have lost 4 kilos over the last few weeks. Either being too stressed to eat or forgetting altogether. Very not me.

The nation is pretty depressed as it is, now that the World Cup is over and Paul the Octopus has been turned into calamari, but to leave home - as a now very patriotic and proud South African means I'm on a complete roller coaster.

I'm scared and excited. I'm crying. I'm going to miss home. My stuff is sitting ready for two months of ship-time from Durban harbour.

It's happening. It's the end of my Johannesburg era - spanning almost 7 years - and the beginning of Peas in London.

Discovering a new world all over again.

19 comments:

Secret said...

Good luck for your last day. I know how hard its going to be xx

po said...

Thinking of you Peas. Am in the UK, waiting to feel the Peasness vibe as you arrive.

totally cooked said...

snot-box ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Secret - thank you :(

Po - so glad to feel the vibes from across the pond! I'll be thinking of you when walking those streets!

totally cooked - tell me about it :(
xxxx

mamastella said...

xx lots of hugs xx

paul said...

Hang in there, and try to think of the exciting new opportunities which will make up the next chapter in your life story. Plus you will have the Brit close at hand, lucky you! And if you're ever feeling down, your blog friends are here to cheer you up! :-)

Stacey Rowan said...

Good Luck!!!!!!!!! All the best!!! You'll have the best time! Remember, the universe rewards decisions and steps forward - so you will be rewarded! I remember my last day before going to live in the UK. Tears, nervousness - but they nerves become excitement on the plane!!!! Bon voyage :) Oh, and take a pillow with you on the plane - I remember the back ache I got on the plane.... takes snacks and letters from family and friends... they keep you company!

kyknoord said...

Here's lookin' at you, kid.

cassey said...

Hope the tear induced headache eases a bit, that you have a safe trip and that thoughts of your holiday with the Brit help.

The Python said...

Eish...

Look forward to an exciting new life in a wonderful new city. SA will always be there.

Monkigirl said...

Aaaaw Peas, good luck with the Great Trek! Hope you'll still keep blogging...

Val said...

Good luck - Am sure you will fer over the blues, especially in London in the summertime. (I hear most shops now have aircon?) Anyrate look forward to hearing about the future adventures of Peas in London.
Take care - bon voyage
Lurking no more :)
Val in Cape Town

The Seeker said...

Peas
Have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog the last few years and following your interesting take on life, love and everything else. I wish you all the best for your future in a new country. Most important of all, keep blogging so we can follow your adventures!

Flirty 30 said...

I feel so sad to see you go & yet your blog is always here!
Wishing you and the Brit all the best Peas.
Show them Londoners how we Saffers do it!
XXX

Heidi said...

Godspeed L. I am so looking forward to reading about your new adventures in Europe. This PE girl, who's now a Jhb girl, has learnt a lot about this town from your hilarious blog (and your book:-). If I ever get sick of this place (and I know I will one day), I hope I'll have the balls to do something about it too.

hansmeevis said...

A woman so happily ordinary that she hads’t left the faintest trace of herself in history.--not you.
The simple fact of the matter is that we learn to live with what we have, and the novelty begins to wear off after a while.
This means other places become more atractive.
Excitement is always better when it happens to other people at the time, but in retrospect it does give good memories.
Go for it girl and don't stop blogging.
Done the same, Hans

Robyn Silverstone said...

It's horribly scary and it will be hard but it's going to be a fantastic experience. I've done all of this and can now say nearly 2 and a half years later that it was the best decision to go.

Good luck

Zet said...

I can only imagine how scary it is. I'd also be crying fat tears but remember the fun times taht awai that side. SA will always be here for you so you can hop back for a weekend and we'll be happy to welcome you.

have a safe trip and a blast of a new life that side. part of me cant help missing you already but i know you will still be blogging so I'm fine. Bon voyage

Lovies

Peas on Toast said...

Guys thank you so so much for your awesome encouraging words, advice and kindness. You are all the most wonderful readers ever, thank you. I am all over the place emotionally - and frankly, I am excited when all of this dies down and I can settle in.

Thanks so much guys and see you on the other side :)
xxxxxxxx