brum

So I've been on a few very cutesy, romantical-like and/or fun weekends away to beautiful little hamlets like Shere, Brighton, Ringwood and Bath over the last few weekends.

So my seeing Britain has thus far been quite good.

If it's not a good example of seeing the real Britain, then tomorrow will be.

Tomorrow I have to go to Birmingham.

Fuck on a fudge cake.

I'm going up there to host an event, so there's no getting around it. When I mention the word, people sort of step back and balk.

"Why are you going there? Birmingham is well shit."

I past through Birmingham with my parents when I was 10. And, even then, it was a shit.

To paint the picture, Birmingham is England's second largest city.

Birmingham was the powerhouse of the Industrial Revolution. So think steel factories, car manufacturers, dirt, pollution, unions.

It's also in...the north. Catherine Tate is paranoid about northerners.

Birmingham is known as Brum. Lloyds Bank was founded here. (Gah! That's my bank!)

Basically, people have discussions on Yahoo! answers about Birmingham, but then I live in South London and I hear that's supposed to bad too. And since I live in the ghetto, then I can't really judge can I. And it's not like I'm going there to check out the cool architecture.

I'm there to take numbers and cash cheques.

What scares me is the Brummie speak; not the fact that it's a city where they release Polo Playas every five seconds.

Traditional expressions include:

A bit black over Bill's mothers
Likely to rain soon

Babby
Variation of baby

Go and play up your own end
Said to children from a different street making a nuisance.

Donnies
'Ands. Hands

Snap
Food, a meal. Sample usage I'm off to get my snap

Scrage
A scratched cut. Sample usage I fell over an badly scraged my knee

The language scares me more than the city mate.

Better wash me donnies before I smash my snap in my face.