Tuesday, February 15, 2011

banging one's kok

I have cankles. And we're in Thailand. I barely made it off the plane and I'm pushing a bead. Excellent.

It's weird being back in Bangkok. The last time I was here - seven years ago - I stayed with my parents who lived here. I was only 23. Lots has changed.

Now, with my Brit, it was to be a new experience.

Starting with the food. I'm proud to say that we only had one burger in two weeks. The rest was rice and chopsticks mate.

We sweated around Wat Pho, sweated while we ate street food tentatively like only a British tourist can, we sweated around the canals on the longboat.

Armed with a brolly to avoid getting amoebic dysentery sprayed into our mouths.

My skin was in direct contact with the air. As in, it was receiving infrared rays directly from the sun. For the first time in 7 months.

But the highlight was three things.

1) A foot massage on Khao San Road. Beer in hand, my aching feet fondled, while watching tourist wearing
Same Same t-shirts walk past. With grand total in price tag: £3.

2) The ping pong show. When in Amsterdam, when in Bangkok, one needs to experience the pull of the sex show. The last time I was here, my parents showed me around Patpong.

Imagine that for a second. Your folks showing you around the red light district that houses clubs called Super Pussy.

My folks didn't bat an eyelid, and they're chilled and open like that, but there was no way I was going to watch a ping pong vajayjay show with them, let's be honest.

So we went this time, at my insistence. They blew trumpets from their foofoo, shot darts, smoked cigarettes (wtf?), and with a resounding pop, shot ping pong balls towards us.

Next thing, one struck the Brit's arm. I made him shower double time before I touched him again.

They're boys, and they have fantastic tutus.

3) The boat of 50 shooters
The Brit has a mate who lives in Bangkok, who took us to this exclusive party. One dude - who was your classic stereotype of middle-aged Westerner with teenage Thai escort - bought this large boat filled with shots.

It wasn't a tame party.

Bangkok really is a fun city. It's a bit grimy, polluted and sweltering in summer, but as my mum so correctly says, "It's got its charms."

But we've got other fish to fry. In a country we've been told is much cheaper than Thailand (seriously?), way more chaotic, way more third world.

Funny, we needed this holiday so badly before we left, that we were starting to bitch about how third world London was. "The trains run better in Africa for fuck's sake" I recall saying to the Brit one day. He in turn also said something like, "God, we might as well be living in Victorian times."

Baically, we were wrong. But Bangkok really is a fantastic, eye-opening city. Full of good memories too.


cassey said...

Sounds like it was fun, and it reminds me that I really need to work on going on more adventures. :)

Secret said...

I was wondering if the ping pong balls ever hit anyone - I would be totally grossed out if one had to touch me. Like I would get that lice powder they used to throw on the jewish concentration camp people.

Also...smoking through your vajayjay - as if kissing a person who smokes isnt bad enough....just saying....

Wyrd said...

I, for one, thank you for the man-candy in the top pic

Peas on Toast said...

cassey - The Kok is definitely an adventure :) Cock, kok, it's all an adventure!

Secret - Dude i was ducking and diving out of the offending balls way. I was terrified. Then one hit the Brit's arm and it was all over.

And the smoking through the vayjayjay trick was suitably horrific, definitely.

Wyrd - really? The guys in the wifebeaters?

Wyrd said...

Erm, if you're going to ask it like that, I'm not going to admit it. My wifebeater attraction is my shame.

Nikki said...

Wow I miss it... 7 years ago and I still picture it as clear as day! So jealous :(. 1 x thai pancake - do it!