Tuesday, March 01, 2011

slow gins with the ladies


So, now back in London, it's time to tell you about two simply fahhhbulous friends I've made.

Two wonderful British damsels who enjoy dim sum and slow gin and tonics as much as I do.

I'm picky when it comes to making girl friends. I'm one of those girls who mostly prefers to hang around men. It's been like this most of my life, but now, more so than ever. I [mostly] find girls to be hard work, truth be told.

So in general, when I make a great girl friend, it's because they're chilled, they're funny, they're as nuts as I am, and they're not easily offended. They also all say 'fuck' a lot. My girl friends know how to balance fun and serious well.

At work, I hang out with guys. Men are easy to read; girls are not. Sure, the guys all think I'm a '16 year old boy,' as one said, but that's how I like it anyway. They think I'm a boy and that's just fine.

So back to my new faaaaaaahbulous new bezzy mates. We went out for drinks at a pub in Notting Hill last Friday (was gagging for a few slow gins), and ending up singing the soundtrack to The Bodyguard (Greatest. Film. Of. All. Time) like a bunch of haggled cats.

I also had to take a coach to Ringwood the following day to meet up with the Brit who was visiting his parents.

Friend 1: You're taking....[face like it's sucked a lemon]...a coach?

Peas: Yes.

Friend 2: Good God woman why?

Peas: I saved £38. The Train takes the same amount of time and is more expensive.

Friend 1: Oh my God. Here. Take my hand sanitizer.

Friend 2: She's going to need more than that, you do realise people who take coaches lick the windows Peas?

Peas: I'm taking the spazz bus aren't I.

Friend 1 & 2: [shudder] ...yes.

(Needless to say, they were right. I hadn't stepped aboard when a drunk tramp sneezed and basically snotted all over the queue in which I was stood. It was so disgusting that I couldn't eat the panini I'd bought for lunch.)

The other reason I love them, despite their honesty and hilarity, is because of this conversation:

Friend 1: I was in Ann Summers the other day and was looking at the vibrators, when I took one off the shelf and turned it on.

[pause]

"...And then it wouldn't turn off."

Peas: Fuck what did you do?

Friend 1: Well I put it back on the shelf and it sort of bounced around on the shelf, still on.

Friend 2: Is that why I got a missed call?

Friend 1: Yes. I mean, the only thing I could do at that point is either run away or Phone A Friend.

They're great.

4 comments:

Secret said...

HI-LAHR-RIYUS!

I went to braai a few months ago at a friend I used to work with , to watch rugger, she had other friends there with whom I was not acquainted (and now I know why). We were watching the rugger and at one point i screamed something that had the word "P*es" in it.
The other friend (who is one of those pompous, "I am batter than you types" told the mutual friend that I was bombastic. I was like "well I'm sorry that you grew up in a convent". The mutual friend said that that is how they know me and thats why they love me. I love them for that :D

Yay for being bombastic!

Peas on Toast said...

Secret - hahaha! Bombastic?! Is that even a word? I absolutely love it, and yes damn straight that's why your mates love you :)

Flarkit said...

Of *COURSE* "bombastic" is a word! How else would you describe someone who sings "Liefling" at a rugby match whilst exposing his boep over navy-blue rugby shorts?

Secret said...

Bombastic! :D