venetian madness

Oh my God.

Can my head fall off?

I've been so chaotic at work since we got in from our weekend in Venice, that I have managed to grow - grow hives in the spot between my eyebrows.

From stress.

I have grown a Hive Monobrow.

I have a fucking rhino horn about to burst forth from my third eye chakra.

Attractive. Especially when I'm sitting in a boardroom briefing an executive one-to-one. ("Er...what's that growing out of your face?"

So. Where was I.

So as you can imagine, Venice is a beautiful little town-city sitting across a few islands off mainland Italy. There are no cars.

One of the most awesome things about Venice is that the Industrial Revolution couldn't fit into it. The little narrow zig-zagging streets only leave room for pedestrians. So traffic in Venice is boats. There are boats for everything - ambulances, private 'water taxis', communal taxis, gondolas, everything.

On gondolas. The Brit and I walk up to some Versace-wearing, olive-skinned man, predictably a Gondola owner and ask him for a price.

He: Hundred euros.

Peas: Good one. Are you smoking your Gucci socks man?

He: Are you smoking your socks?

Brit: Fifty euros mate. Come on.

He: Fifty? you can go and buy one of those plastic ones from the souvenir shop for 50 euros.

We decided hundred euros was ridiculous, and would be better spent on Italian carbohydrates. In a piazza. With a bottle of pinot bianco.

So instead took a gondola across the largest canal - the Grand Canal - aptly named much? - by crossing it. Crossing it was 50c!

Five minutes of gondola joy for 50c. That suited me just fine. What can I say, I'm low maintenance.

So, there are two suburbs we walked around in Venice. Marco and Polo. I jest not.
(The airport is called Marco Polo, in case you wondered.)

And we stumbled upon this random art exhibition from Japan. It was amazing. In the middle of this gorgeous Venetian house, overlooking the hustle and bustle, this incredible exhibition.

With stuff like:


And, er..:


And the Earth about to make like Oslo and detonate:


And deep breathing background to a porny-art video:

Fuck me in a pool of Pellegrino water. What a great weekend.

Now to attend to my work-related hive breakout.

Fuck.