Wednesday, January 04, 2012

satan be gone

So my Brit's in effing Sweden.

And while I have full-on tonsillitis and ear infection, I had what I can only describe as a night terror last night.
Dude. I had a dream that I had been possessed by Satan.

Dude. Not a ghost or The Blob or even a random demon, Satan himself.

Peas: I missed you in bed last night.

Brit: Tell me more?

Peas: I woke up screaming and hysterical because I dreamt that I'd been possessed by Satan.

Brit: Oh. Boring.

Peas: No. Not boring. Trust me.

Brit: What happened?

Peas: When I woke up, I still thought he was in our room.

Brit: That's funny. Are you 6 years old?

Peas: Right before that he was strangling me in my own body.

Brit: Woah.

Peas: And he was making my body parts do weird things. Like grow an extra thumb out of my hand and make me talk backwards and slowly. He was living inside my body.

Brit: That's horrific.

Peas: That's right.

I was freaking terrified. I know I've been all cynical about the start of 2012 and everything, but is this an omen? Or is it that I'm turning into a Satanist? Or even worse, a [gasp]...goth Satanist?

Jesus. I couldn't handle all that black lipstick.

But seriously - and no pun intended on the word 'Jesus,' I just thought he'd better be in the room for this, because frankly I'm a bit scared - am I a devil woman?

I know I can be a bit crass and rude and say fuck 8000 times a day, but I'd like to think I'm still a good person deep down who doesn't let scary cloven-hoofed arch demons into my body.

Even in my dreams. Will do a self-exorcism tonight through the medium of candle burning and scrubbing myself raw in the bath tub, after I've taken my tonsillitis antibiotics.

I miss my Brit. I'm freaking terrified to go to sleep tonight.


Kerry said...

I just finished a course of medicine for tonsillitis and I can tell you I had the horriblest dreams whilst I was on it. I think you should be okay once it's out of your system. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Kerry - Oh my God, how weird?! Sounds like you're definitely onto something - and as soon as they're finished hopefully Satan...will exit my brain.

Jesus, Who knew antibiotics were so hallucinatory!