Thursday, January 24, 2013
sun in a box
And it talks a big game.
It makes loads of claims on the front. Promising "summer levels of light all year round."
I mean it's not Barbados in a box, let's be honest. But when I close my eyes, I can imagine I'm in Jamaica by the light that seeps through the slits between my eyelids.
In fact, after a full 30 minutes of maximum use (it's literally a foot away from my face as we speak), turned on full blast, all I can really report back is that I am craving a fucking cocktail.
It makes me want a pina colada because it reminds me of the beach.
My northern hemisphere colleagues are circling it with intrigue, probably because they've never thought of owning such an item. ("The Saffa is buying weird shit again.") They think it's a tanning lamp. The way it works is not UV rays, as far as I understand. It's LED light that mimics sunshine. It's a fake sun. I'm not tanning. I'm still as pasty and as a grey as Baltic Sea mackerel.
The booklet reckons that in just four days, for an hour a day, I should have more energy, better concentration and generally a brighter disposition. "We are the leaders in light therapy in the UK."
As I said, they talk a big game.
But if this works, it might mean January as I know it, is a thing of the past. And I can claw my way to spring.
PS: For those who are gloomy and wondering why what the meaning of life is: you can buy this lamp (currently on special) from Lumie.com.
PPS: Or just go on a giant bender.
PPS: And not wake up until March.