Wednesday, May 21, 2014

vomcanos and poonamies

With Sebastian being almost two months, I'd like to think the crash course in parenthood has started to take effect.

So as a parent to a two month old who has the loudest cry on the block (no really, Sebastian can yell like no other child I've heard before. It goes right through your bones), and a child who doesn't like settling, this is what I've learnt so far:

1) He will puke in my face in the middle of the night. I will not see this vomit comet coming as it will be dark.

2) Henceforth install night light in bedroom. The Brit and I now sleep with obnoxious looking eye patches over our faces.
His says 'Dreamland' embroidered over them, whimsically. Which is ironic given neither of us visit dreamland at all these days.

3) Vomcano. I will smell a bit like vomit from now until he is 3 and stops vomiting on my shoulder, in my hair, on my face. It is something I'm slowly coming to accept.

4) Poonami. It's the explosion that breaks borders on a standard nappy. And seeps out onto his back. Currently the poonamies are yellow. When he eats solids they will be way, way worse. So for now I am almost grateful for the yellow poonamies.

5) He will keep us awake all night. And we will be knackered and annoyed and strung out and teetering on the brink of collapse. Until he looks at us with his big brown eyes. Just when I think I can't possibly continue on such little sleep, he looks at me with recognition. Or like today - SMILES for the FIRST TIME. And all is instantly forgotten.

6) He is difficult to fool. When the pram stops moving, and I'm just rocking it back and forth so that he stays asleep - he knows. When I gently put him in his Moses basket with excruciatingly slow movements in the same position so that he thinks he is still in my arms - he knows.
When I roll him slowly off my chest - he knows.
And always wakes up.

7) You can function on four hours of interrupted sleep for months on end.
Who fucking knew. I'm dying, and I am not my most astute, but I can still bathe, use a fork, change a nappy and feed my child.

8) I'm terrified that something will happen to him. In his sleep.

9) Breastfeeding is painful. My nipples hurt something  chronic, and I have to still watch what I eat and drink. Despite the odd glass of wine every now and then.
But I'm banging on with it for as long as I can.

10) I no longer care much about clothes for me. It's all about kids fashion, and I am obsessed.
The cute shit you can buy for a child; trust me, there's a wholllle bunch of crap you can spend money on when you have a kid.

And it's so cute, my credit card is smoking.

It makes me sad when I see all the little girls in their dresses and the girls stuff seems more abundant, but my little boy is awaiting a bunch of stripy shirts and his first pair of corduroys from Baby Gap are on their way to being delivered.



Zoe said...

I'm not quite at the 'lets have a baby' stage yet...but (and you may find this surprising, due to the content of your post) you make it sound worth it! Sebastian is too cute & you are one crazy strong woman. GO YOU! :D

Anonymous said...

We call them a-poo-calypses; those ones that laugh in the face of years of Pampers R&D.

The nipple thing, it might be worth it to get a lactaction consultant or a La Leche person come and have a look? It really shouldn't hurt at all other than the first few seconds of the latch. If you can count to 10 and it still hurst, something is wrong. It was that way for me and all it took was a slight adjustment to our positioning and amazeballs-no pain!

Also, you are an amazing amazing Mom and I am humbled by each and every post. You don't know mw at all but I have been reading for a long time (since you were fighting to get a visa for the UK!) and I wanted you to know that I lit a candle for Molly and send you and your family lots of love.

MeeA said...

Ah, yes. Those explosive poos that go right up the back, into the hair and everywhere else. I remember those!

Yup. Sounds like you guys have slipped right into normal mode over there. Except for the sore nipples. Seriously - cestlavietlb's advice is worth considering, both for the sake of your poor boobies and your chances of keeping up the breastfeeding for longer.

It still pisses me off that kids' clothing manufacturers seem to think that only mothers with daughters are interested in dressing up their children. I've always found it difficult to find a variety of things for my boys and, sadly, this is likely to continue until they're grown up. Meh.

You seem to be coping really well on little to no sleep - well done! :) The good news is that it really does get easier. And there comes a time when sleep is once again within your reach. I think it's set up like this so that, after the first months of complete sleep deprivation, you're so grateful for a full night's sleep that you really don't mind being woken at the crack of dawn every day for the next five to seven years... :-P

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