With Sebastian being almost two months, I'd like to think the crash course in parenthood has started to take effect.
So as a parent to a two month old who has the loudest cry on the block (no really, Sebastian can yell like no other child I've heard before. It goes right through your bones), and a child who doesn't like settling, this is what I've learnt so far:
1) He will puke in my face in the middle of the night. I will not see this vomit comet coming as it will be dark.
2) Henceforth install night light in bedroom. The Brit and I now sleep with obnoxious looking eye patches over our faces.
His says 'Dreamland' embroidered over them, whimsically. Which is ironic given neither of us visit dreamland at all these days.
3) Vomcano. I will smell a bit like vomit from now until he is 3 and stops vomiting on my shoulder, in my hair, on my face. It is something I'm slowly coming to accept.
4) Poonami. It's the explosion that breaks borders on a standard nappy. And seeps out onto his back. Currently the poonamies are yellow. When he eats solids they will be way, way worse. So for now I am almost grateful for the yellow poonamies.
5) He will keep us awake all night. And we will be knackered and annoyed and strung out and teetering on the brink of collapse. Until he looks at us with his big brown eyes. Just when I think I can't possibly continue on such little sleep, he looks at me with recognition. Or like today - SMILES for the FIRST TIME. And all is instantly forgotten.
6) He is difficult to fool. When the pram stops moving, and I'm just rocking it back and forth so that he stays asleep - he knows. When I gently put him in his Moses basket with excruciatingly slow movements in the same position so that he thinks he is still in my arms - he knows.
When I roll him slowly off my chest - he knows.
And always wakes up.
7) You can function on four hours of interrupted sleep for months on end.
Who fucking knew. I'm dying, and I am not my most astute, but I can still bathe, use a fork, change a nappy and feed my child.
8) I'm terrified that something will happen to him. In his sleep.
9) Breastfeeding is painful. My nipples hurt something chronic, and I have to still watch what I eat and drink. Despite the odd glass of wine every now and then.
But I'm banging on with it for as long as I can.
10) I no longer care much about clothes for me. It's all about kids fashion, and I am obsessed.
The cute shit you can buy for a child; trust me, there's a wholllle bunch of crap you can spend money on when you have a kid.
And it's so cute, my credit card is smoking.
It makes me sad when I see all the little girls in their dresses and the girls stuff seems more abundant, but my little boy is awaiting a bunch of stripy shirts and his first pair of corduroys from Baby Gap are on their way to being delivered.