I have three weeks to haul ass before my best friend's wedding.
That means getting back on the saddle, and burning serious calorie everyday, while investigating something I've never investigated before (a high street spray tan. Oh my God I can't believe I may have to resort to this), and doing my arm exercises.
Because nobody wants arm ham. Even if they aren't the bride.
I've also decided to go holistic. It's been a while since I explored the alternative side of things, but the last time I did acupuncture, I found it terribly relaxing. I'm not sure if it did anything, (or what it was meant to be doing at the time?), but I've decided beyond eating healthily and exercising, I want to address everything else in my body, and everyone RAVES about it, so why not?
If it helps me deal with stress, gets me to relax, gets 'everything flowing properly,' 'unblocks my channels,' then frankly, sign me up.
Me: I've decided to start acupuncture. And reflexology.
Friend: That's great. I get it for my back. Worked miracles.
Me: I did it when I first came to the UK, by some little Chinese man whose speech was unrecognisable, so I'm not sure what it did, but I always felt relaxed when I walked out of there?
Friend: What are you specifically trying to address?
Me: My channels. My flow.
Friend: I don't know what that is, but usually acupuncture helps real ailments. Of real organs.
Me: Surely it can find my real ailments? And therein find my flow? And take all the negative energy out of my channels?
Friend: I don't quite think that that's what it does.
Me: Well we shall see about that.
See? That's what's so great about alternative 'healing' and medicine. Define it as you like, because there's no actual medical science behind it, is there? If it makes SOMETHING better, then it's worked. Whose to say what it will make better?
I figure the same with my feet. I walk on them all day. They shoulder all my worries and burdens, and they deserve a break.
I'm going to be one of those weird 'alternative' people for a while. And see how this works out for me. (And my bank balance. Being into this shit doesn't come cheap, lemmetellya.)
I'm starting to get excited for the sunshine and going home to South Africa in just over 3 weeks.
My mum has booked us for a three day getaway to the Waterberg after Dove's wedding, so that we can chill. In a lodge, in the middle of nowhere. Where there are animals and shit. Pure bliss.
You have to love an African problem though:
To: Peas On Toast
We've decided to book another lodge completely, something quite far away from the one we discussed before.
The new one has an indoor pool, plus our own pool and a jungle gym for Sebby to climb on.
Oh, and while walking around the last place to check it out, we saw a long spitting cobra. He said there will be tons of snakes around the actual hut due to its location. It was slithering towards the hut.
Anyway have to go, toodaloo.
Er...mum, I think you've been living in Africa for too long, because you've only gone and buried the lede there.
SNAKE. COBRA. SLITHERING. TOWARDS THE HOUSE.
Also, don't these fuckers hunt in pairs? And like to sleep in children's beds? Where did I read that once. It wasn't even the Daily Mail. Sebastian picking up the cobra and pointing, 'Mummay? Stick, Mummay?'
No, not a stick my darling, a potentially lethal neurotoxic poison injecticator, that you don't even need to touch for it to swathe you in it's venom juice. Put it down, set the hut on fire, start flying.
It may be cold and rainy outside, but in my heart...it may be spring. Soon.