Monday, September 28, 2015

those dreams

For as long as I can remember, I have had vivid dreams.

Recurring, vivid dreams.

Same subject matter.

I know why I have them; it's very obvious by their nature that my sub-concious is desperately trying to make peace with things that have happened in my past. They're not necessarily overly traumatic experiences, but there are the same things and same people that I miss that continue to appear in my dreams. Over and over again.

The first is my childhood home, which I have written about aplenty over the last ten years. This house respresented everything stable about my childhood, and according to the Internet, each room I dream about represents a certain area of my life. Sometimes the rooms are haunted, and it's terrifying. Sometimes there are secret passageways. Sometimes the entire house is overgrown with weeds. And always, I have to move out of my house and hand it over to soemone else. It's always traumatic; I always wake up crying.

Make of that what you will.

There are certain people that I dream about too. These recurring dreams - houses and these people - happen on an almost weekly basis. Sometimes months will go by and nothing, then I'll have solid weeks of dreaming about my house and the same person(s). The person belongs to my past, the old me, the me from another lifetime.

I have had the person dream almost constantly since I moved to the UK. But now, lately, over the last year or two, I have it pretty much every week. I think of this person a lot; so I suppose it's just my brain's natural way of processing these thoughts.
The outcome is always the same; I wake up and feel like I haven't managed to 'fix' what I was trying to get across or trying to achieve in the dream. This dream comes with anxiety and and a desperate sense to connect, and yet at the same time, I feel a sense of peace. With each dream I can talk to this person again, although it comes with its set of complications.

Last night, for the first time the person dream came with a soundtrack. A U2 song, that I admittedly do really like and it does mean something to me, but haven't really heard or listened to in ages, but is kind of symbolic. The lyrics played themseves loudly in my head in my dream and as a I woke up, and it was all really weird and shitty.

I've had it in my head all day. Just one-of-those-days-after-a very-vivid-dream day. Where for a second, after waking up, you're not sure where you are and what is real.

"The Ground Beneath Her Feet"

All my life, I worshipped her.
Her golden voice, her beauty's beat.
How she made us feel, how she made me real.
And the ground beneath her feet.
And the ground beneath her feet.

And now I can't be sure of anything.

Black is white and cold is heat.
For what I worshipped stole my love away.
It was the ground beneath her feet.
It was the ground beneath her feet

Go lightly down your darkened way.
Go lightly underground. I'll be down there in another day.
I won't rest until you're found.
Let me love you, let me rescue you.
Let me bring you where two roads meet. Oh come back above.
Where there is only love. Only love...
Let me love you true, let me rescue you.
Let me bring you to where two roads meet

Let me love you true, let me rescue you.
Let me bring you to where two roads meet

Reality is kinder and nicer to me than my dreams.
Although dreams are limitless.

No comments: