Wednesday, October 14, 2015
introduction to the pig
It's funny, as you head towards a holiday, even if you haven't had one for like 6 years, it's the week before the anticpated break that things suddenly start to really wear you the fuck down.
Just the week, I've looked at the increasingly metabolic inbox, and thought on numerous occasions, even when it's a stupid little email asking for something seemingly small: "I don't need this shit. I need a holiday. This person can literally go and fuck a tree for all I care, how DARE they ask me for that."
Or. "Oh good. Another marketing email. HOW ABOUT NO. I NEED A HOLIDAY?"
So, tonight I fly out with Sebastian to Johannesburg, and the anticipation of the 12 hour flight pretty much leaves me colder than a wet rag on a frosty Moscow street, but here we go.
I've henceforth decided to take this as the seminal opportunity to introduce Sebastian to screentime for the very, very first time.
That's right. Sebastian has never actively done anything on a tablet before now. He has seen me on my phone, and he has seen an extremely small amount of television, but we have never played a game or watched anything on a screen before.
Now is the time I will introduce him to this phenomenon. In a flight that I require him to sit still on, and not climb over the random [and frankly, unfortunate] stranger sitting next to us.
One mother in my workplace couldn't believe that I didn't know whether Peppa Pig was a game or a story. ("Your child has never watched Peppa Pig??" ('Incredibly, Adeline, no. I have no fucking idea what Peppa Pig actually does, so tonight will be a discovery for the both of us.')
"So, for the full 18 months of his life, you've never shown him a tablet?"
In fact, could you recommend some, and does Peppa Pig come as episodes or as a game?
"Episodes. Download them from Google Play by the dozen, and Thomas the Tank Engine, although he's not as funny as Peppa Pig..."
"Are you guys Mormon?"
No. I just wanted to control and delay screentime as long as possible. And for dire occasions like tonight.
She looked at me in bewonderment.
"Does he watch TV?"
Not really, no.
"How do you get anything done?"
I usually don't. Or I wear myself out.
I also do realise that my son will one day use a tablet regularly - because we are of the modren world, I work at an Internet services company, tablets are a way of life, etc etc - but I hope to try and manage this as bite size chunks as best as I can.
Perhaps I'm deluded or completely naive, time will tell, but for now, no I don't know my Peppa Pig from my 'CBeebies' and so forth.
Tonight, I will find out.
Wish us luck!