Sunday, January 29, 2017

the final post

Saying goodbye is hard.

This is why it's taken me months to do so. But last night I realised that I need to make it official.

I'm hanging up my hat on Peas On Toast after twelve years.
I have dragged my heels, as this blog has done so many things for me. It wouldn't be right to just up and leave without some sort of eulogy for the place that has been my creative outlet for the better part of my 20s and 30s.

Back in 2005, when writing thoughts on the Internet was relatively unknown, I loved that I could share all the things with five people who didn't know me. It caught on, and suddenly it took me to the dizzying heights of Z-grade Internet celebrity status in South Africa; something quite bizarre and unexpected; it gave me a platform I never knew was possible. As a result of of this little blog, I can attribute it to helping me get a book deal with a major publisher, help me get a job at a wonderful company that I would never have dreamed of previously, got me freelance work, my own column, and most importantly, throughout it, served as a place I could write about my daily trials and tribulations and feed my own creativity, no matter what was going on in the world and in my life.

I have so much to be thankful for, and am so grateful for the readers that have popped by daily, weekly and monthly. I have also met some incredible people directly and indirectly because of my blog.

But it's also time to face facts. My life has changed. I don't have much to say at the moment. I am a mum, and how my brain works, has changed. Parenting, for me, is made up of brief, little moments, all bunched together, haphazardly. This just doesn't serve the creative outlet I need right now. I just don't know how to write currently, to be honest. While I sadly lamented this massive missing piece of me recently, I know that it will return. And for the moment, there are other ways I can share and piece together the chaos that is my life at the moment. I am on Instagram, so please do find me there if you are interested.

This platform has taken me through hugely transitional phases of life; starting with the trivial and run-of-the-mill (heart breaks, moves, travels, marriage, parenting, children, etc) to the more serious and less common (losing a child, having twins, immigration, etc). I will leave it just as it is. Pink and unformatted, unedited, just as my life is. Maybe it'll still be here in a few years, and maybe it won't.

To date, I have written a mind-boggling 2211 posts. I've had 20691 profile views and 1,126,000 pageviews. It's not a fuckton, but it's enough for me. The reason I have banged away at this for so long is because it forces me to write, find structure in chaos, be an outlet for frustrations and revelations. After my small peak in popularity, I continued to do it for years and I am so glad I did. It serves as a document, small section of history for the most transitional stages of my life.

For my children: you'll find a lot of swearing and bad things in here. By no means does this mean you can do it too. I'm still your mother. And I love you more than words, pictures or thoughts could ever express. You might find this one day, and you may be strangely amused or entertained, you may even be horrified or appalled. I had a lot to learn. You will too.

You (three) are everything my life has led up to - anything beyond the achievement of having you is small fry. Having you healthy, happy and loved is all I want for you, Sebastian and Florence.

So this is me, signing off. I'll be back. And I'm still floating around on social media, because there are moments in life that are meant to be shared. I am so proud of you both.

Thanks for everything, interwebs.

Peas On Toast



catherine said...

Oh man, I am so sad! One of my favourite blogs to read. :( Good luck with everything.

Kate said...

Gonna miss you. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading about your life, but when it's time, it's time. Leave this up for your kids to find one day - they'll really love getting to know the pre-mum you (I say, speaking as someone who would love to be able to learn more about my parents in their crazy growing up years).

Anonymous said...

Very sad to say good bye. I've love following along, have done so for YEARS! Though obv. I'm a lurker and don't comment ever.

All the very best! xx

Allythecatlady said...

Very sad news indeed. I have been following your blog for more than 10 years ....I love reading all your stories , happy, sad , funny - all great stories.

Please dont just give up completely , i would like if you just update us once in a few months. I feel as if I know you personally although we have never met. Good luck to you and the Brit and the kids !!!

Regards from a South African girl. xx

JJ said...

Thanks for all the awesome years of reading. There are some gems that had me cackling out loud and some posts that made me cry. Even though you're ending this chapter, don't ever forget the amazing ability you have to share a story! All the best xx

Gypsy said...

Peace out Peas! Thank you for bring me many laughs, tears, fist pumps and all the rest. I too have followed your blog for th better part of 10 years!!! Thank you for sharing with us.. this blog will be truely missed. I started following you on Instagram the other day... maybe i was pre tempting this closure here. See you on the flip side.
x Meagan

The Chantal said...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! But I do understand :\

Sometimes I have marveled at your amazing sense of humour and gift for writing, and sometimes I have read your posts with tears in my eyes. I will miss you sharing the stuff that doesn't go on facebook, but thank god I can still "see" you and your lovely family.

Nicole M said...

Awww, this is so sad - I'll miss this blog so much! Nevertheless, I follow you in the insta, so I guess Ill see you around :)

Good luck Peas!

Rene Steenkamp said...

Loved your blog and I loved the journey you took me on. All the best Peas. I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world.

Val said...

Going to miss you Peas! Good luck and much happiness to you, the Brit and the kids.
Hope one day you will feel the need to share again and delight us once more with your comments on life in general.

♥ Val

Rachel said...

Long time lurker. I've followed you for ages because we seemed to go through the same things at the same time and I enjoyed your writing because you were experiencing the same things as me but expressing yourself differently. It was often a different point of view on my own experience which I appreciated greatly.

Thank you for sharing so much. I hope that you find your new creative medium that helps you shape your thoughts.

Wishing you all the happiness in the world.

Marcio Goncalves said...

Peas... I started as an avid reader. But like you, life just pulled me into all sorts of fucked up directions. But I loved your blog and will always remember how I laughed until my stomach hurt whenever I read your posts.

Cheers Peas and thank you for the entertainment. For the love of God... don't stop writing! You're much too good to give it up.

Maryanne Papanicolaou nee Beverley said...

Farewell, I shall miss my regular read of your look at life. I hope to hear from you again when the next phase starts. The desire to write your blog will surely return again. I have shared your blog with my friends who were going through new motherhood, sometimes you can feel so alone and it is encouraging to read about another's trials. It helps you realise that there is a world outside of you and your new baby. Best wishes for the future.

Peas on Toast said...

THANK YOU to every single one of you for your lovely messages. It's been really emotional to say goodbye and just stop what I've been doing for so long. But for now, it has to happen.

Thank you to those who have been popping in here for the last 10 years - wow! It's wonderful to know that I haven't been on this journey alone, and that many have stuck around during the good and bad times.

I am so so grateful for your readership. I cannot thank you enough.

Watch this space, for in the future (months, years?!) I will let you know if I start up my writing elsewhere.

All the best and thank you again.

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Beansy said...

Oh Peas, will miss reading your posts but am loving following you, the Brit, Sebs and Flo (with angel Molly) on Instagram. Being an ex Illovoian and ex Londoner, your adventures in JHB and London have kept me entertained for years. Thank you for your honesty and open view into your life and I wish you and your beautiful family all the best xxx

Bailey Schneider said...

Lump in throat!! I have grown up with Peas, had the amazing opportunity of MCing your Book Launch and I've loved being a part of your adventure… even if it is through a screen!
I'm really going to miss it… but luckily screen time will continue through Social Media!
You're an amazing Mum and as I'm about to enter the Motherhood Journey, I look forward to staying in touch (and even asking for advice)
Big loves to you

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