Friday, December 09, 2016

'tis the season

Wow. To think I stuck blogging on this guy for almost 11 years, and now I kind of drift in and out every 8 decades.

Kids. Life. I'm in full survival mode still, and on days when I have the time or energy to brush my hair, put on a wash, while tending to my hatchlings, then I do that rather.

One thing I have noticed lately, is a spate of mums coming out about Post Natal Depression. Perhaps I've noticed it because that's what I 'have.' Either way, it's extremely comforting to know that some of the most successful, perfect mums out there have troubles too.

I explained to my husband that on my current drugs, I don't feel especially happy, but I don't feel especially sad either. You're kind of just sitting on the midline. It doesn't solve everything, and you still have to work through it all, but I do feel stronger and more self-assured in general.

Post Natal knocks your confidence. It knocks you a bit sideways, in that you feel like you can't cope, hate your situation, and you descend into this hole where you don't want go out, feel inadequate, and that you're a bad mum, all the things. No inclination to do anything. Each person experiences different things, and one thing I will say is that I did connect with Florence instantly. I loved her, and missed Sebastian terribly during those early days - I never didn't want my children, circumstances. My heart feels fuller than it has in a long time, and my little family is my world. I just didn't/don't think I'm up for the task. The huge task of raising them properly, ensuring they get the best opportunities, endless love, good manners, healthy food. After not being able to breastfeed, I felt like I couldn't provide. That this was the downhill slide into being a bad mother. I really did.

I've relaxed a lot since those early days, and let a lot of things slide that I don't bother to fight battles on. You can't fight everything, you have to choose your battles and make the most of what you have, while just trying your best. Sometimes my best is giving Sebastian ten Time Outs because he is behaving badly, or he bit Florence's fingers again, and I lose my shit and then feel pangs of guilt for hours afterwards. There are some gruesomely bad days, when everything goes wrong, everyone is sick, or I just feel like I cannot deal with this right now. I just want to run away.

I feel like that on many days. Then every now and then I'll come back after a long day and think, "Wow. I'm so proud of my little rug rats. I have to have done something right so far. Right? Right?!"

Motherhood is a crazy tough gig. There are plates flying everywhere, and you have to catch them all. Sometimes they fall, all at once. But if there's one thing I've really learnt, is that everyone has their shit. Everyone.
You have to really remind yourselves sometimes, as you scroll through beautifully filtered photos on Insta and endless smiling pictures, that it's only a tiny slice of the whole story. Social media can really pull you down if you let it.

Everyone has their hardships, sometimes you have to dig deep, but you can bet, anyone with kids:
1) has days they struggle and wonder if they made the right decision
2) sometimes wants to run away
3) have relationship problems with friends, family, husbands - kids change dynamics with almost everyone you know. Many take strain.
4) doubt if they're cut for the job
5) is exhausted

We're not in the Victorian times anymore, where a village helped to raise your children. Where we weren't all dispersed far and wide from our families across the globe, where school is expensive, and at least if you live in a place like the UK, you just don't have help. You gotta do it all. And while it's super fulfilling, it is full on.

But no one is an island, and making and meeting some lovely new friends in our new town has really helped. I went in thinking I was going to keep my options open; not to judge any books by covers, be completely myself, be honest about how I find motherhood, and be a completely open book. In turn, I have met some wonderful people I probably never would've crossed paths with before. Other mums who I can be open with, while equally taking delight in our little people, together.

It also goes without saying that my Brit really steps up when the chips are down. He is amazing with his children, and has been my number one support. It's hard, but we are making more effort to reconnect after a busy week where we pass each other like ships in the night tending to our list of responsibilities each day. He has a genuinely golden heart.

Tomorrow we fly to South Africa for a month, and I am both excited and fearful. All of us (being my family) under one roof can get slightly dysfunctional, but at the same time I can't wait to present Florence to her Grandad for the first time, and have Sebby look for birds with his grandparents, and be doted upon by them.

They are my pride and joy. I am so incredibly lucky.

 Packed and ready to go - Sebastian's little Gruffalo Trunki
 Florence, my little rainbow
Sebastian, my hero


Cassey said...

Yip, this motherhood gig is tough. Hope you guys have the best time seeing folks and catching some sun.

ركن الهدى said...

شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
شركة شفط بيارات بالدمام
شركة تنظيف مسابح بالدمام
شركة تنظيف واجهات بالدمام
شركة جلى بلاط ورخام بالدمام
شركة مكافحة الحمام بالدمام
شركة رش مبيد بالدمام

Bridget McNulty said...

I have an almost two and a half year old and a 3 month old and anytime anyone asks what it's like, my first response is: intense. Wonderful, but intense. All. The. Time.

Unknown said...

Akbar Birbal Stories

Unknown said...

شركة الماسة لمكافحة الحشرات بالقطيف

Sunil Ohri said...

Very nice post.

While reading it, I had flashbacks to my own experiences. Thanks for sharing this post with us.

If you face any internet connection problem you can contact Netgear Support team and they will resolve your issue.

Sunil Ohri said...

If your Mac running slow, install Mac Optimizer Pro to wipe out outdated and junk cache files from your system.

Eric D. Maldonado said...

Hangout with your friends at Last Stop CD Shop because it is the best place to entertain yourself.

Joseph Dark said...

Someone essentially help to make significantly articles I would state. That is the first time I frequented your web page and to this point? I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual publish incredible. Great job! for more information click here

Sweet Darlyn said...

Advantages and services of free dating site:

Absolutely 100% free
Mailing system
Virtual kisses
Who's viewed me
Friends list
Block list
Popular tags
Hidden last login
Quick search by countries, cities and zip code
Search by ethnicity and religion
Comment on profiles
Rating "Most friendly users", "Most active users" and "Top rated photos"
Visitors can view profiles, photos, and blogs without signing up
99% scam free

Netger Wifi Extender said...

Are you fed up of connectivity issues and login problems while Netgear Extender setup? If the answer to this question yes, then is the ultimate place for you. It helps you deal with any type of problems during installation of setup, login, etc. Apart from this, its experts help you resolve all issues with routers, modems, orbi or powerline. Call us now and say goodbye to dead zones and network related issues. Visit here for more info

Mac Optimizer Pro said...

If you want remove virus & duplicate file from your mac so don't worry we have a free Best mac cleaner tool its features are very useful for your mac. it has standard disk clean-up features like removing duplicates, scanning for large files, claiming back memory, and general performance Virus and Malware scans to keep your Mac free from malicious software.

Hales said... is the best way to setup netgear extender , new extender setup & WiFi booster range and [url=]mywifiext[/url] login issue. For More Info you can visit here -[url=][/url]

netgear extender setup said...

Thanks for sharing. We provide full support for all your Arlo devices, including guidance for your netgear extender setup .So if you are having issues with connecting to the Wifi or configure settings on the Arlo app,then contact us using our live chat services or our email.You can also call us using our customer support phone number.

Hales said...

Great article Lot's of information to Read...Great Man Keep Posting and update to People..Thanks

المتوكل على الله said...

شركة مكافحة حشرات شرق الرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات شمال الرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات غرب الرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات جنوب الرياض

شركة رش مبيدات شمال الرياض
شركة رش مبيدات شرق الرياض
شركة رش مبيدات غرب الرياض
شركة رش مبيدات جنوب الرياض

Blog27999 said...

Strange "water hack" burns 2 lbs in your sleep

At least 160000 men and women are hacking their diet with a easy and secret "liquids hack" to lose 2 lbs each night in their sleep.

It is proven and it works every time.

Here's how to do it yourself:

1) Take a clear glass and fill it up half full

2) Proceed to follow this weight losing hack

and you'll become 2 lbs thinner in the morning!

asasasasa said...

manifests in guys who do matters to appear spectacular, or guys who rely on some superficial title for fame. (btw, ALL outside titles are superficial). So the man who's a DJ, or promoter, or a Hollywood actor, or rich, or has a chiseled body, all these guys who rely on these external matters for status Cylophin RX are posers. Of direction some alpha adult Males have these identical titles, however they do not rely on these titles for glory Why? Considering that alpha Males at the core believe that they are kings. No matter what. They could be a king in pauper's clothing, however they are still a king. Possibly they have a pauper's bank account. Perhaps they're overthrown by a mutiny - it's not relevant, in .

asasasasa said...

access to all the vitamins, Rapid Keto Prime weight-discount plan, and wellbeing facts that I percentage with all of for some instances. It is of actual improvement in diabetes, hypertension, shortness of breath, joint issues and raised ldl ldl cholesterol. Weight discount is achievable with enterprise and sound dinners by myself, however alongside side huge incredible protein and constructing incline bulk will help you lose all the extra abruptly, helping you to preserve the load off and are .

المتوكل على الله said...

شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
افضل شركة رش دفان بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض


You can download alexa app for window from on all your different mobile devices. If you face any issues so yoy can call us 27/7 . visit here - |

Roku Com said...

Your article is too good. You have explained the topic in an easy way. Thank you so much for sharing this information.

If you interested to watch movies and TV shows, so you can visit our site and you enjoy it. This device is a good quality picture and sound provided.

Sonam Sharma said...

Vip Escort Service In Udaipur Whatsapp Or Call Now
We have all kinds of Udaipur call girls service like Russian, south Indian, Punjabi, Marathi, Gujarati, etc. who present a high-class satisfaction feeling once you make a relationship together with her. All the women are professionally trained and relate to society who charge very highly individually but after contacting us so don't worry just call us getting Udaipur call girls for fcuk now
Udaipur Escorts
Udaipur call girls

Link Roku Activation said...

Our team provides you online support for all the issues related to Roku streaming player. We provide step by step guidance on how to set up and activate your link account at the comfort of your house. If you need support and services then you just visit our website and neglect all Roku problems.

Roku Error Code 014 said...

Get services for Roku Error Code 014 014.40 , 014.50 , 014.30 , 014.20. We have experienced team for its all customers who are facing Roku errors in their Roku devices.

unknown said...

独播库,线上看,免费在线观看,电影,电视剧,动漫,视频网站,高清视频,Series,Movie,TV Shows,Online Free Watch, duboku.

Saloni Jain said...

Hello, This is a Nitu roy very interesting blog. this content is written very
well This is an amazing post, keep blogging.
Guwahati Escorts
Guwahati escort service

Ms Nikita Agarwal said...

We have calls available in the best of categories, according to our need, we are waiting for you, erotic and beautiful call girls in Guwahati, escort
service Guwahati, you can come on our website and contact us 24x7 hours anytime in Guwahati. I look forward.
Guwahati Escorts
Guwahati Escort Service

Ms Payal said...

We serve our Guwahati escort service in the whole Guwahati city Our services are at
the top when it comes to Escort Service in guwahati. We have the
best call girl in guwahati to satisfy.
Escorts in Guwahati
Guwahati Escorts

Ms Ruchi Agarwal said...

Guwahati Escorts or call girls in Guwahati are those call girl who are rocking and
amazing in terms of better-quality sexual performance for the customer.
Guwahati Call Girls
Call Girls in Guwahati