Friday, October 27, 2006

l'art de dispenser savon

Oy vey.
We went to the Jolly Roger for Midweek Madness last night. Always fun. And haven't been out mid-week in quite some time, due to unforseen exhaustion. Guy I'm Sort Of Kind Of Seeing popped into my place after work as a suprise (ten points), then popped into the Jolly after Winex (twenty points), massaged my ankle for no other reason but just because (1 000 points) and gave me a lovely kiss outside (1 000 points). Isn't he lovely?

C and stole another soap dispenser for our collection (10 points), stacked them up on my windowsill and called it 'toilet art' (20 points), put the liquid soap in the toilet cistern in a forward-planning attempt at keeping our bags clean (100 points), and when we flushed, the entire toilet cubicle filled up with bubbles, rising angrily from the bowl. (1 000 points). So, really, me and Guy I'm Sort Of Seeing are square. Just that he's a perfect gentleman and I'm a bloody moron.

Was a great night though.

Phone my mum yesterday to see how things are with Canadian Aunty Dearest:

Aunty picks up:
Peas: Where you?
Aunty: "Where you? Where you?" That's so bloody South African.
Peas: Well how do you answer the phone?
Aunty: "House of the Lord, this is Jesus speaking."
Peas: Right. So...where you?
Aunty: I'm on the toilet.

Mother screams in the background: "How much toilet paper are you getting through there sis? Jeeeziz. You've used an entire roll in one day!
Aunty screams back: Hold onto your panties, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Peas: Anyway...what you been doing?
Aunty: It's so friggin' hot here, it was snowing back in Montreal, I'm on fire. I don't want to do anything except nothing.
Peas: Can I speak to Mum quickly?
[Pause]
Peas: Mum has she been farting up a storm?
Mum: You wouldn't believe it. It's worse than normal.
Peas: Good to hear nothing's changed.

63 comments:

Jam said...

ANOTHER soap dispenser? Best you start praying that no one who owns the Jolly reads your blog...
Guy I'm Sort Of Seeing sounds like a COMPLETE gentleman. Are you being a perfect LADY?

Suavé said...

Peas: Well how do you answer the phone?
Aunty: "House of the Lord, this is Jesus speaking."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Now that's some funny shit! Your aunty, she is good. A right gem I say!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I'm always a perfect lady. In public. :)

Suave - Isn't she a card? I phone her for the entertainment alone I tell you. ;)

Jam said...

It's going to be a smelly weekend, though...

Peas on Toast said...

I know. Hold onto your noses Johannesburg! :)

kyknoord said...

Hang on - by my reckoning, GYSOKOS (sounds vaguely Greek, that does) is still 900 points ahead.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Brilliant, he sounds Greek. Bless! Between you and me, I'm still ahead for... just being super all the time. ;)

Kate said...

Love your aunt already - hope we get a blow-by-blow weekend post!

You know, I used to be a phone-answering-adventurer. That changed the day my dad called me from my sister's phone, and I answered with "Katie's House of Whores - how may we service you?"

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - hilarious. You remind me of the Bridget Jones "This is Bridget Jones, loved-up fox with a hot man between her thighs...Mum. Hi."

Billy said...

you really do have the funniest family! Nice to hear GYSOKOS is treating you so well. I presume the lack of details forthcuming on the sex front is a respect thing from your side?

Pete said...

Lack of details? I thought you weren't knobbing him?

Kate said...

Peas: most of the time I feel like Bridget Jones. I too have an exceptional talent for saying the wrong thing, and blundering my way through social situations.
In my defence, I'm not as bad as her - and I dress better (but that's not hard, is it?)

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - We ain't knobbing dollface. At least for a couple of months. Yip, I'm being super sensible this time.

Pete - Nope no knobbing. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - no granny pants I hope. ;)

Billy said...

Knobbing: Such a classy way to describe it.

Love it!

Ramone Allones said...

good times, amusing post of a good night out! (can't believe you stole another soap dispenser- WTF)

C'iau

Pete said...

Remember that scene from 'Son in law'?

"you, mean, I didn't bone her?"
"he didn't bone me?"

etc.

Now that is a classy way to describe it:)

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - yeah...personally I prefer boofing. ;)

Ramone - soon after you departed back to your dwelling before the bells struck 11:40 my friend!

Pete - boning and knobbing. Wonder if our parents used those terminologies? Actually, let's not go there.

Champagne Heathen said...

Jeremy Irons saying to Liv Tyler in Stealing Beauty, "You need a ravisher".

To be ravished.

Now that IS a classy way to discribe it!

Shortypam said...

i like your aunty... hw much do you want for her and can she cook?

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - ravished. I could completely deal with being ravished. Or knobbed. I'm hornier than ever these days. *sigh*

Shorty - I don't reckon she's the best cook in the world, but how about $40 000 000? That should do it I think. ;)

Jam said...

ravished.mmmm.

Antoine said...

Bushwacker 3000 working overtime Peas?

Shortypam said...

erm... im on a student budget how bout.. like R10? ooooh!!! wait you can buy me!!! i know how to cook, im a ho and ill hook you up like that!!! and i like rats erm.. (oops)hamsters.. what do you say???

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - You have no idea mate. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Shorty - I'd love to buy you sweetheart, but I'm saving up for a new pair of stilettos I am eyeing out. You understand don't you? ;)

Daedalus said...

Daedalus opened Ertjie-Blog (10 points)
Daedalus read the latest post (10 points)
Daedalus did not read all the comments (-10 points)
Daedalus commented (10 points)
[start tag] Daedalus included a geeky tag in his comment [/end tag] (1000 points)
Then he added the comment under the wrong post (- 100 points)
Corrected the error (10 points)

Peas on Toast said...

Daedalus - you forgot to add another 20 points for calling me Ertjie. I just love my Afrikaans name. :)

Pete said...

Hey if we're going to start claiming points:

Pete hit refresh this morning till new post went up (100 points)

Giggled at the soap dispenser (10 points)

read all the comemnts (10 points)

wasn't sure about d's html tag (-10 points)

checked, was right that it should be <tag> and </tag> (10 points)

is obviously not gettinglaid (-10 points)

Is awesome (eleventy billion points)

laughed at 'eleventy billion' (10 points, it's funny)

Pete said...

tried to post a comment with <'s and >'s and got it denied for trying to use an undefined tag (-10 points)

Peas on Toast said...

Pete, looks like you're winning by dear! Hitting the refresh button till I posted? Wow, that is awesome... *blushes with praise.*
;)

Daedalus said...

Pete,
</CORRECT HTML TAG>Hahahaha…!!! I know the correct tags - I
was concerned with blogger's ability to post it and the IT - literacy of the
commentators ;-) But yeah ... +100 for figuring the lt / gt code to
display the correct tag :-)</CORRECT HTML TAG>
Response.Write("Pete for president!!")
Response.End
 
Ertjie,
You are the only *ertjie* interact with ... I generally do
not eat them.  <EVIL GRIN>:-)</EVIL GRIN>

Daedalus said...

DO WHILE ERTJIE="UNIMPRESSED"
CALL Refresh()
LOOP

HAHAHAHA!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah D-Guy I'm glad I'm your one and only Ertjie big guy!

This points competition is certainly heating up. Pete and Daedalus, whose gonna win?

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,

Well I have an infinite LOOP running so that is 10 points per LOOP ne,,,

Daedalus raises one eyebrow at the "big guy" typo and immediately runs a few sub-routines:

CALL GoToGymTonight(“Daedalus”)
CALL HitTheBike(“15 mins”, “Level 2”)

Pete said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

How sad is that?

I tried to add a tag to a post i did once, and iblog kept breaking and made me mad, eventually figured it was parsing as an actual html tag and then found the codes. Not being a web developer/having html knowledge is onbviously not a good thing..

I suppose it could be worse, i could have done something like, say..

#include <stdio.h>

int main( void ) {

static int petegeekfactor;

petegeekfactor = 0;

if (Daedalushtmltag == wrong) {
printf( "[insert geeky correction comment]" );
petegeekfactor++;
printf( "Pete's geek rating is at, " %d \n",petegeekfactor );
return ( 0 );
}

} else {
printf( "This little comment thread would never have started ");
}

}

Maybe.

Billy said...

Not knowing what a tag is -100 points.

Pete said...

OK too many curlies in there but i stillrate it's worth at least whatever daedalus get plus 1 because I'm better looking.

Peas on Toast said...

Only finding out how to tag and do hyperlinks at the Blogging Conference -100.

tBerry said...

Peas, I love the sound of your nights out at the Dolly Roger. Used to go there when Ex-brother-in-law lived nearby. What a spot! Debacherous like the old Naughty's Moonlight Grill in Rondebosch.

My dad used to answer the phone "City Morgue"...deathly hush would follow.

Peas on Toast said...

tBerry - I like your dad already! :)
Yip the Jolly always gets out of hand, even on a quiet Wednesday! ;)

Daedalus said...

Hahahaha Pete... cool script! ;)

Jam said...

what's the html for "spade peas"?

Insane Insomniac said...

Your aunt is a classic!
GYKOSOS sounds like an absolute doll. sigh.
I've driven past the Jolly Roger, but I haven't ventured in as yet - I get dragged to the band gigs. London Calling, Roxys, Nile Crocodile etc etc. or, The Rabbit (my local when I'm in res).

Anyways - keep blogging. makes me miss Jozi just a little more.

Pete said...

<Spade peas>

So, um is that a soap dispenser in your purse, or are you ahppy to see me?

</Spade peas>

Daedalus said...

Jam-Jam,
<peas is not available>
Errrrr......?
</peas is not available>

Peas on Toast said...

Insane Insomniac - next time you're in jozi dollface, pop into the roger. It's good. Just bring your own soap. :)

Pete - [spadeback] Me, a soap dispenser in my bag? Never! Must be very glad to you see you hot stuff [endspadebackline/]

pete said...

OK, you get a point for trying, but next time you have to use the less than/ greater than guys:)

Revolving Credit said...

OK, I finally made it out that hell hole that was my day 'Hi All' (+ 10)
Have lunch @ 4pm (-10)
Lunch is cold (-10)
Replace cold lunch with chocolate (+10)

At least I broke even

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Revvie, 1 000 points for popping in. And an extra 1 000 for being such a blog stud.
:)

Revolving Credit said...

Gee thanx sweety!
Mega points for me.

Antarctica Boy said...

Peas,

How come the link to the Jolly Rodger takes me to 'Primo Pizza in Fairfield, CT'? Too weird, but then again considering you as the source. Hmmm..

Peas on Toast said...

Antarctica Boy - hi! Random I know. TRied to find something that advertises half price pizza on a Wednesday, like the Jolly. Seems this place does. ;)

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