Tuesday, February 27, 2007

mama mia

E2, C5 and I joined The Ant on an Italian Society shindig on Friday evening.



Dude.



We got on a bus with a bunch of Italians and proceeded to get rather unbecomingly blotto.
The party-bus plan was to start off at a Sandton watering hole, proceed to another Sandton watering hole, then hit the deepest, darkest northern ‘burbs for more razzling.
Since the first two places were 500 metres apart from each other, the bus went round the block a couple of times to kill time and appear we were going somewhere (“hey look..it's the stock exchange again...Oh there’s my car…”)
On the bus, shooters and drinks were thrown around and as people got more wasted, the more the bus driver would suddenly slam on brakes, loose clutch control, or swerve sharply just to watch us fly around like skittles. I'll bet my next salary cheque on it.

I had a whale of a time sticking my middle finger out the window and other unsavoury signage to innocent passersby at intersections.

We all got up on the bar counter and, Claudio, or was it Franco? said we could use him as a pole. As in pole dancing. What a sweet man, such consideration.

The bus was pumping Itye pop music, and it had to stop at least 5 times so that people could vomitare.
But this is all usual Friday night debauchery, ‘cept it happened on a bus. With lots of Italian people and horrendous music.

The problem was we arrived sort of shitfaced. Way before we even got onto the bus. And had to sign indemnity forms so that the Itye Society doesn’t get sued if someone lost an eye if by default you climbed onto the roof for shits.
This indemnity form signing process is taken very seriously – it’s serious business signing your life away – but C5 would have none of it:

Your Name: I Love Jason
Your Signature: [picture of an elephant/dinosaur/retarded creature]
Witness: I am so pissed.

The Itye lady in charge of Indemnity Signage found this less than funny, especially when C5 crumpled it up and handed it to her in a little ball.

We stumbled back to our cars around midnight, to find some asswanker Sandton boychie dickface JUMPING on my car. Throwing his portly paunch onto my back windscreen.

I lost it. I went from deliriously happy drunk to deliriously a fucking nutcase.
Peas: Hey! HEY!
Dickface: [ignores me and jumps on Ludwig again.]
Peas: Hey FUCKHEAD! Get the fuck off my car!
Dickface: [giggles]

Stride up to him in my gold heels and poke him in the belly. And then tell him to step away from my car, or he’ll have to contend with all 5’8 feet of me.
He’s about 9 metres tall.

Dickface: Sorry ma’am. [Giggles stop.]
Peas: You usually jump on people’s cars? Who the hell do you think you are? Fucker?

By now he was embarrassed and retreated back to the bar to try and score coke or punani, or whatever dickfaces like him do.

Still, great night though.
Oh and I woke up three hours later and went for a cycle with Moogs and Smoking Dick. Hungover, so bad, I thought Ghandi had wedged his slip slop into my mouth.

My ass is so sore. I’m not sure whether it’s because I've ridden or because I was ridden quite a bit this weekend.

39 comments:

Daytripper said...

Ridden to sore ness with Ghandi's flip flop: what an image1

Peas on Toast said...

He he - isn't it just? ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

O Pea's you had to pervert ghandi..

Its like that time, 'someone I know' made comment about mother teresa giving the pope a blowjob..

Third World Ant said...

Oy! Kak Itye music? You can't say things like that around here - your kneecaps aren't safe!

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - that definitely wasn't me. And I can't say there's any sexual reference to Ghandi here my dear...eeew!

Ant - dude I distinctly remember you screaming over the din: 'This musssssic is crapola! :)

Dick said...

"Smoking Dick" ??? Come along champ thats taking thing a little too porn ;)
And what of the saying of the weekend... " My mum says I look like a Kenyan long distance runner " Bank it!

Peas on Toast said...

Dick - Revolving Credit coined the Smoking Dick phrase and it's sort of stuck - have you only noticed it now?

And the 'My mother thinks I look like a Kenyan long distance runner' was a classic! :)

GoDsGiMp said...

My mistake, I just saw the words flip-flop and my mind went south

Hot Pink Flush said...

Awwww, I wanna hear how Peas planted the heel of the gold shoe in Sandton Asshole's eyeball! dammit Peas, your pacifism is dissapointing me! (could be cos its a Monday and I am feeling very eeevil!)

kyknoord said...

Eeeeeeew! That's disgusting. Ghandi didn't wear shoes, so "slip slop" can only mean...

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - please elaborate...unless its off the charts sick of course. :)

Hot Pink - You won;t believe it, but after blowing a gasget at him I actually felt so bad. I was a real bitch, and I kind of felt bad. I shouldn't though, since Ludwig is my baby. ;)

Kyknoord - OK, what is up with you men and slip slops?

Revolving Credit said...

Aahh....a Dick by any other name would..

Peas, when you blew a gasket, how'd you get your mouth around it????

GoDsGiMp said...

Pea's by the sounds of things, rev and kyk have taken it beyond that level anyways.

Might as well say something about, mother t and the pope..

and I mean besides that that sounds like a great band name..

Peas on Toast said...

Luckily I have a large pie-hole Rev.
;)

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I'm watching Mother T & The Pope' tonight at Carfax..?

GoDsGiMp said...

I saw them at Kirstenbosch last weekend, they opened for George's Bush

Revolving Credit said...

Peazel, is dick a bit shy??
Just based on his reaction to the Smokin' Dick reference.

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - yip, he's pretty private about stuff. Sometimes. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

So you think his privates are pretty!

Peas on Toast said...

His privates are very handsome. ;)

ChewTheCud said...

The assholes aren't from Sandton. They commute! Also there's these annoying party bus assholes driving around here, giving us the finger. We're voting whether to close Sandton off next week ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Party pooper. ;)

GoDsGiMp said...

Gawd Pea's you must really like him, no guy's privates are handsome..

ChewTheCud said...

Next time we're getting a party bus and circling your block then ;P I have been known to throw the double bird when inebriated ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - Granted not all means nethers are something to write home about, but his are rather nice. :)

Chews - Bring it on baby, bring it on!

Insane Insomniac said...

I can't think what is worse...spending a good part of yoru night getting hammered with a bunch of ityes to bad pop music, or to actually have a hangover the next morning. No, wait, you brought it upon yoruself. hangover deserved.

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - correct. Still rode 18.6 kms though, and managed to live another day. :)

Revolving Credit said...

...or were you ridden for 18.6km??

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie- something like that. ;)

Jam said...

So you and your car were dented this weekend.
;-)

Billy said...

Jumping on your car? WTF?

Was he alone?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - luckily Ludwig came away unscathed, amazingly. After an abdomen as large as his, I'm cery surprised. Can't say I did though. ;)

Billy - Exactly - I lost it! After spending flipping great wodges of cash on his windows, I became an instant bitch.
He had a poppie on his arm, who didn't really seem to know what was going on.

Champagne Heathen said...

There was a busload of europeans and you didn't let me know!?!? Lucky for you, I was in good hands already...uhhh.... he he he.

Be rude. Fcking rude. That's the point of that boundary thing discussed last week. He definitely crossed far to beyond it.

SaM-GiRL said...

hahahahaha @ kyknoord! he went commando on her ass, thats what it meant!

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - By the sounds of things, you were in great hands my cherry! :)

Yip, I didn't even have time to think - I just spewed out a whole lot of bitch talk and he was left mouth agape.

Peas on Toast said...

sam-girl - :)

Peaches said...

Poor innocent Ludwig!

I hope that the Dickface didnt leave a bruise (read: dent the shape of his portly belly) on Luddies exterior??

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Peaches - luckily he seems fine, thank god. :)

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