Well, lately, he's needed his 'space.' Which I have been granting him. But I guess when he meant space he meant 'woo hooo yay, I'm free!' when he boards the aeroplane.
Oh my WORD Peas - now I REALLY think we were separated at birth. I can totally relate to the boy situation - BF and I were friends long before we got together and he was so sweet in the time leading up to us hooking up and then the first month was BLISS and then all of a sudden he got all, "oh I can't see you this weekend" or "I have a dinner this evening". It BURNT my ass because I was falling for this guy and he never had time for me. But when I wanted to talk to him about it everyone said it's not a good idea because he needs his space so I tried to be this super cool girlfriend but inside it WASN'T okay that he only wanted to see me once a week. It made it even worse - I got so angry coz how could he be so perfect at first and then pull back. Then my friends suggested I read "He's just not that into you" but the thing was he WAS that into me. I could feel it when we spent time together. The result of me bottling it up... I ended up breaking up with him which was devastating. BUT it also helped because I showed him that I didn't want to settle for second-best or half measures. BUT BREAKING-UP IS NOT A SOLUTION. We've since worked it out and are now back together and happy. But this was a slow process because I hurt him from the break-up. My advice - TALK TO HIM... don't go through a break-up like I did coz it was terrible and I spent many nights feeling totally replaced and second-best. Now I know most girls don't want to have this talk for fear of appearing needy but in my opinion it's okay to want to spend time with the guy but he must want this as well. I basically said to BF that I love spending time with him and want to spend more time with him but if he's not there I'm not interested. It's not asking for a commitment or "where we're going" it's asking for time to do funs stuff together. You know what you get to a point when you decide if you want to make it work or not - if you do, you gotta put boundaries in place otherwise you get into this bad power-struggle space that BF and I did. He'd call me when he wanted to see me and I didn't want it to always be on his terms so I'd say I had "plans". A big thing was also listening to BF's X-files - usually I couldn't care about what happened in ex relationships but it was important with him because his ex's had smothered him and he was freaked out about losing his independence. Hey use it, don't use it but talking it out worked for me. All I can say is that I can totally empathise and it's a hard place to be in my friend - lots of strength to you xB
Asking for space is a really difficult one -- I belive that if you want to be with someone you do not need to take 'space' -- to me 'space' is a way of saying " Hang around while I go and check out the market"
Unless you have done something wrong and he needs time to think about the situation and way up the odds
Boldly - once again thank you so much my friend. Yip that's pretty much my story. Well with added things - big things - that I won't go into detail about now. I read somewhere that you just have to let them go. I won't be able to talk to him about it, as he is currently flying to America. But maybe that's good. I need space from his space too. I didn't realise I wasn't good enough until today. But I'm ok, thanks man. xx
Storm - it sucks, but I'm pulling my lip off the floor - hey, what's the worst that can happen right? I'm alone again? Easy kapeasy, I've been there. ;)
that's the spirit peas:-) what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? i hope so anyway, otherwise i'm seriously gonna have to redo my will, and soon! hang in there, we're rooting for ya;-)
Oh my friend I can so relate to where you're at... I left alot of the big stuff that happened between us out (such as his brother passing away) and I know it's hard. I don't know your guys situation thoroughly but I'm thinking of you. While I agree with anotherwhiteboy that we all need space in a relationship, it's problem when the time spent together is inconsistent or as in my case, I could feel BF pulling away from me. I know I went through a lot of self-reflection and I can say that this helped put things in perspective. Who knows where the answers lie, I just know that for me it was tough coz I had experienced how great we were together and it was hard accepting that maybe we wouldn’t work. Through all the trials we do work well for now, I’m not sure what will happen but we’re enjoying each other for now. We had a relationship review at the beginning of this year and it made me realise that if we don’t work, I’ll be okay, I’ll get over him and I’m not about to off myself over him but the idea that he wouldn’t be a part of my life hurt. The flipside- as much as it would hurt not having him in my life, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my needs to prevent this hurt. I know what I want and it’s not even that hectic – leave the flowers, the smooth words, the fancy dinners I’m over it. I just want time… time and honesty. Thinking of you darling and promise to stop monopolizing your comments section – jeez I talk (and write) too much xB
Hell, no - apply guilt with an industrial-sized trowel. That way, he's sure to bring you loads of compensation goodies from the good ol' Yewessay. @ benny: Wow. Don't your fingers hurt after all that typing?
They're pounding kyk! You don't want to meet me because I talk MORE than I type - it's ridiculous. My sisters generally look at me and say, "Okay Ben it's time-out now!"
Terrible news, Peas. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's them ... just know that whenever it didn't work out, you should be thrilled it didn't. You certainly don't want someone hanging around pretending so as not to hurt your feelings for years on end.
Recently I've been the one on the leavee-end of the story and I can tell you the best lesson I learnt: When you love someone, you think it's better and it somehow seems easier to hurt yourself and live with it than to hurt them. That is, until you realise you're not saving them from the hurt at all, in fact all you're doing is prolonging it for both of you and you're not saving anyone.
So it's bit like a plaster ... get it over with as quick as possible and hope for the best. Someone once told me: Life goes on. And I can assure you, eventually it does ;)
Anyway, I'm not even sure any of that garble is even relevant for your situation?
And you started him blogging - ungrateful bloke ;) ps. my new boyf answers your question with : "one has to kick one's boyfriend in the ass."
You said there "not good enough". There's no such thing as not being "good enough" for a relationship. There is a thing as "not being right for one another" but "not good enough"?!? Never!
If those were his words - lets hope he has the seat next to the loo on the plane so he has big arses pushing past his face all the way over there. And if those were your words - hon - you are NEVER!!! not good enough!
Enjoy the Peas time and chat with him when he gets back and the emotions have calmed down for you and him both.
Boldy B - Who are 'they' and why are they pounding Kyk?
Kyk - Did you enjoy the pounding?
Peas - Go out, have lots of fun and let him hear it from his friends. If he wants space, give it to him but it doesn't mean you sit on your ass pining away. Let's see when 'I don't mind what you do' turns to actual jealousy on his part.
one goes home, then one has a bath whilst enjoying one's glass(es) of wine, then one whips out the bushwhacker, then one sleeps. when one wakes up, one lives one's life and is thankful for the good things in one's life -one's mates, working electric windows, life in general, and above all, one never forgets to look after numero uno. hypothetically speaking of course.
Hey Peas. I am with Sarah on this one. You DO rock, and there is NO SUCH THING as not good enough. you are WAY good enough, IN fact, better than that! OK? I know how hard this is, really. But you do not go changing your shizzniz for a man who cannot be constant. Work in a relationship is fine. But not like this. And the friendship will recover.
In answer to your original question (airport, can't go etc): In such an event it is wise to don the Natalie Wood headscarf, the Jackie Kennedy glasses and the breadknife before heading to the aiport independently to FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. Just a thought.
30 comments:
maybe he just doesn't cope too well with all kinds of emotional sheit? or maybe he's trying to make it easier by not turning into something big?
i think maybe you should let it go;-)
Storm - maybe I should elaborate. The oke actually never wants to see me. Least of all at the airport.
BUt I'm letting it go. :)
one blogs about it and wonders what the hell is going!!!!
... then one deals with it, whatever way they see fit. :)
I would ask what the hell???
Well, lately, he's needed his 'space.' Which I have been granting him. But I guess when he meant space he meant 'woo hooo yay, I'm free!' when he boards the aeroplane.
oh, right:-(
i'm sorry peas...misunderstanding, my bad.
geez, that's kinda tough though! i'm sorry:-(
No probs Storm, I'm being very cryptic about this.
Oh my WORD Peas - now I REALLY think we were separated at birth. I can totally relate to the boy situation - BF and I were friends long before we got together and he was so sweet in the time leading up to us hooking up and then the first month was BLISS and then all of a sudden he got all, "oh I can't see you this weekend" or "I have a dinner this evening". It BURNT my ass because I was falling for this guy and he never had time for me. But when I wanted to talk to him about it everyone said it's not a good idea because he needs his space so I tried to be this super cool girlfriend but inside it WASN'T okay that he only wanted to see me once a week. It made it even worse - I got so angry coz how could he be so perfect at first and then pull back. Then my friends suggested I read "He's just not that into you" but the thing was he WAS that into me. I could feel it when we spent time together. The result of me bottling it up... I ended up breaking up with him which was devastating. BUT it also helped because I showed him that I didn't want to settle for second-best or half measures. BUT BREAKING-UP IS NOT A SOLUTION. We've since worked it out and are now back together and happy. But this was a slow process because I hurt him from the break-up.
My advice - TALK TO HIM... don't go through a break-up like I did coz it was terrible and I spent many nights feeling totally replaced and second-best.
Now I know most girls don't want to have this talk for fear of appearing needy but in my opinion it's okay to want to spend time with the guy but he must want this as well. I basically said to BF that I love spending time with him and want to spend more time with him but if he's not there I'm not interested. It's not asking for a commitment or "where we're going" it's asking for time to do funs stuff together.
You know what you get to a point when you decide if you want to make it work or not - if you do, you gotta put boundaries in place otherwise you get into this bad power-struggle space that BF and I did. He'd call me when he wanted to see me and I didn't want it to always be on his terms so I'd say I had "plans".
A big thing was also listening to BF's X-files - usually I couldn't care about what happened in ex relationships but it was important with him because his ex's had smothered him and he was freaked out about losing his independence. Hey use it, don't use it but talking it out worked for me. All I can say is that I can totally empathise and it's a hard place to be in my friend - lots of strength to you xB
yeah, but i do kinda have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth;-p
hope you ok peas..this sucks:-(
Asking for space is a really difficult one -- I belive that if you want to be with someone you do not need to take 'space' -- to me 'space' is a way of saying " Hang around while I go and check out the market"
Unless you have done something wrong and he needs time to think about the situation and way up the odds
Boldly - once again thank you so much my friend. Yip that's pretty much my story. Well with added things - big things - that I won't go into detail about now.
I read somewhere that you just have to let them go. I won't be able to talk to him about it, as he is currently flying to America. But maybe that's good. I need space from his space too.
I didn't realise I wasn't good enough until today. But I'm ok, thanks man. xx
Storm - it sucks, but I'm pulling my lip off the floor - hey, what's the worst that can happen right? I'm alone again? Easy kapeasy, I've been there. ;)
that's the spirit peas:-) what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? i hope so anyway, otherwise i'm seriously gonna have to redo my will, and soon!
hang in there, we're rooting for ya;-)
Oh my friend I can so relate to where you're at... I left alot of the big stuff that happened between us out (such as his brother passing away) and I know it's hard. I don't know your guys situation thoroughly but I'm thinking of you. While I agree with anotherwhiteboy that we all need space in a relationship, it's problem when the time spent together is inconsistent or as in my case, I could feel BF pulling away from me.
I know I went through a lot of self-reflection and I can say that this helped put things in perspective. Who knows where the answers lie, I just know that for me it was tough coz I had experienced how great we were together and it was hard accepting that maybe we wouldn’t work. Through all the trials we do work well for now, I’m not sure what will happen but we’re enjoying each other for now.
We had a relationship review at the beginning of this year and it made me realise that if we don’t work, I’ll be okay, I’ll get over him and I’m not about to off myself over him but the idea that he wouldn’t be a part of my life hurt. The flipside- as much as it would hurt not having him in my life, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my needs to prevent this hurt. I know what I want and it’s not even that hectic – leave the flowers, the smooth words, the fancy dinners I’m over it. I just want time… time and honesty.
Thinking of you darling and promise to stop monopolizing your comments section – jeez I talk (and write) too much xB
Hell, no - apply guilt with an industrial-sized trowel. That way, he's sure to bring you loads of compensation goodies from the good ol' Yewessay.
@ benny: Wow. Don't your fingers hurt after all that typing?
Peas... I must've missed a post somewhere!
Sorry to ask, but what's going on with Smoking Legs/Smoking Dick?
Why's he going to USA? Is it permanent?
What happened?
Sorry... so lost!
Space works both ways right!
By definition of space, has that lifted the 'other people' restraint.
They're pounding kyk! You don't want to meet me because I talk MORE than I type - it's ridiculous. My sisters generally look at me and say, "Okay Ben it's time-out now!"
Terrible news, Peas. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's them ... just know that whenever it didn't work out, you should be thrilled it didn't. You certainly don't want someone hanging around pretending so as not to hurt your feelings for years on end.
Recently I've been the one on the leavee-end of the story and I can tell you the best lesson I learnt: When you love someone, you think it's better and it somehow seems easier to hurt yourself and live with it than to hurt them. That is, until you realise you're not saving them from the hurt at all, in fact all you're doing is prolonging it for both of you and you're not saving anyone.
So it's bit like a plaster ... get it over with as quick as possible and hope for the best. Someone once told me: Life goes on. And I can assure you, eventually it does ;)
Anyway, I'm not even sure any of that garble is even relevant for your situation?
And you started him blogging - ungrateful bloke ;)
ps. my new boyf answers your question with : "one has to kick one's boyfriend in the ass."
You go out drinking with some great people to get some perspective on how super fabulous you are.
Hey Peas.
You said there "not good enough". There's no such thing as not being "good enough" for a relationship. There is a thing as "not being right for one another" but "not good enough"?!? Never!
If those were his words - lets hope he has the seat next to the loo on the plane so he has big arses pushing past his face all the way over there. And if those were your words - hon - you are NEVER!!! not good enough!
Enjoy the Peas time and chat with him when he gets back and the emotions have calmed down for you and him both.
Boldy B - Who are 'they' and why are they pounding Kyk?
Kyk - Did you enjoy the pounding?
Peas - Go out, have lots of fun and let him hear it from his friends. If he wants space, give it to him but it doesn't mean you sit on your ass pining away.
Let's see when 'I don't mind what you do' turns to actual jealousy on his part.
one goes home, then one has a bath whilst enjoying one's glass(es) of wine, then one whips out the bushwhacker, then one sleeps. when one wakes up, one lives one's life and is thankful for the good things in one's life -one's mates, working electric windows, life in general, and above all, one never forgets to look after numero uno. hypothetically speaking of course.
Hugs, a me to listen away, and a bottle or few of wine!!
Get hammered. Properly.
Shit advice but its always worked for me.
One kicks said boyfriend in the balls.
Hypothetically, of course.
Don
Thanks guys.
:)
Your advice always helps me through the shittiest of times.
Kisses for all of you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Peas. I am with Sarah on this one. You DO rock, and there is NO SUCH THING as not good enough. you are WAY good enough, IN fact, better than that! OK? I know how hard this is, really. But you do not go changing your shizzniz for a man who cannot be constant. Work in a relationship is fine. But not like this.
And the friendship will recover.
Thanks babe. ;)
I don't get it? What's wrong with him...it sounded like you guys have been having great times together but all of a sudden it's like...finito?
Stupid git!
In answer to your original question (airport, can't go etc): In such an event it is wise to don the Natalie Wood headscarf, the Jackie Kennedy glasses and the breadknife before heading to the aiport independently to FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
Just a thought.
Post a Comment