Wednesday, February 16, 2005

"let's be friends"

So me and my ex are now officially "friends." This is lovely and everything, except that

1) I still love him and probably always will
2) We can be friends until he brings along a new girlfriend
3) If he shows interest still, I don't know whether I could hold myself back, or trust myself to remain platonic.

So I'm not pushing it. We're not dinner party friends just yet. He texts me and tells me that he's been burgled and asks for my opinion in something. I text him and tell him I spent the day at the lake. We haven't yet met for coffee as "friends." I'm waiting for him to ask first.

If he wasn't sex on legs, maybe it would be easier.


B said...

Good call. Let him do the friend thing. If he shows interest in you still... that's your decision when it happens. Just follow what your heart says and not just your eyes... and everything will work out nicely.

Christopher said...

Aw, this is so hard. I've just been through the same deal myself. My ex and I tried to remain friends but it didn't work. I really wanted it to. It's a strange period, you're still close but not close enough. Your powers become limited, so to speak.
It stings when you hear that they've drunkenly kissed someone else and when you share a sweet moment you wonder if you can try again, but deep in your heart you know that it can never be the same. I really tried with my ex and we spent a lot of time together. I suppose it was cowardice on both parts really. We wanted to be more free but we were too scared to be completely apart. We both missed chances to be with someone new because we were too scared of upsetting each other. We found ourselves holding each other back and not really being as 'single' as we should have been. It's really hard to adjust to the things you can't do as friends. This past weekend we called it off completely. We sort of broke up again. Ex-friends. I kind of wish I'd moved on long ago.
But hey, what do I know? I'm no good at this kind of thing. I really hope it works out for you. You seem like a really nice girl and I hope things smooth themselves out.
B had better advice. Sorry to bleat on.


Stephanie said...

Christopher broke my heart with his comment. Love can really suck at times! I know where he is coming at from the last few months of living with my ex as friends - I didn't want to hear about his romantic exploits and he didn't commit to other people for fear of hurting me.

It is possible to be friends with your ex (my ex is good friends with the ex before me and I think that they are a model of what post-breakup friendships should be like), but I guess it depends on how things ended. If you still have feelings for him then you may find it hard to move to being friends when what you want is more.

Good luck, Laurian!

Peas on Toast said...

Chris, B and Stephanie, thank you so much for your comments.

I realise that being friends with him is going to take a certain amount of maturity and hold-back. If it's too much, then I won't be able to do it. It seems so sad that two people that were so close can't be friends - but then at least we all know that's that what defines us as all having a good relationship.

It's been two months since I saw him. I'm hoping that this is ample time to get over what was 5 months of pure sexual craziness.

Hold thumbs for me. xxxx

Nettie said...

I'm taking the pessimistic side here, since in my experience "just friends" has never worked....but then again I've seen it work for others, so who knows....