Friday, March 11, 2005

dildo talk

We have interesting conversations in our office. Take this one for example.
(Bear in mind that clients walk in and out of the office all the time, and we don’t notice. Many have witnessed conversations such as this pearler):

Kahli: I’m off to see my boyfriend.
Laurian: Going to have sex then?
Kahli: *blush* yes!
Laurian: Lucky you. Mine is away.
Kahli: Use your dildo!

[In walks client, with whom we are in the midst of clinching a multi-million buck deal – but we haven’t shaken on it yet]

Laurian: I do. The Bush Whacker 2000 is my best friend.
Michelle: You should try Roger Rabbit.
Karen: I have a boring one. It’s just a dick.
Khali: You ALL have dildos?
Unison: Uh, yes? Of course.
Michelle: Mine has five speed settings.
Laurian: Mine only has three, but its good enough.
Karen: I think I need a new dildo.
Khali: Please buy me a dildo. I’m too embarrassed.
Laurian: No problem. Adult World is having a special where they throw in two tubes of lube for free.
Michelle: And that lube is so much better than K-Y.
Karen: It’s like silk.
Khali: What does Roger Rabbit do?

[Client ahems loudly, and the teacup wobbles precariously on the saucer.]

Michelle: It’s got this claw on it that vibrates too. And the top rotates.
Laurian: Get out? The top rotates? Well mine is jelly-coated.
Karen: I only use mine with someone else.

[Pragmatic pause as we realise that somebody alien is listening in and that we might cost the company the deal.]

Michelle: Hi there! Hi! Yes, so um, hi! Sorry to have kept you waiting. Let’s proceed to the board room shall we?

She signed, by the way.

12 comments:

zuzula said...

hi hon, sorry for lack of comments lately - have been weirdly busy this week! I woke up this morning and found my dildo in my bed. This is very odd because I don't think I used it last night. i was so pissed i passed out the minute i got home. soooo.... either I used it in my sleep (huh?) or one of my flatmates has found it and had a laugh about it (argh)...

Ed Abbey said...

I had a high school English teacher who while sitting at her desk, accidently kicked her purse on the floor and it proceeded to vibrate. I never saw a woman turn so red in my life.

Binsk said...

I use a back massager...works great, and if anybody ever finds it I tell them I have a really SORE back.

Two | Face said...

So commenting is back in business!!!

My mom got one for her birthday once from a neighbor because ex-stepdad travelled so much, it was disguised as a carrot. She got it en plain public on her birthday.

Well she got me on my 18th, she ordered a female stripper. The entire family and all my friends were there I had to sit in the middle of the room when the act was played. I think my grandfather got most fun out of it.

Roonie said...

I have been trying to leave you a comment for weeks now. Phew. Fuck Blogger. But thank G-d for Blogger, too, since Haloscan sucks a big fat one.

That aside, I'm sure the candor of your conversation scored you guys the deal. A real woman appreciates when other women can be real and own up to their own masturbation. In my opinion.

Nettie said...

Perhaps you cpuld have tried convince her you were talking about the speed settings on your hair dryers?

wonderful-electric.co.uk said...

So women have dildos. What on earth do single men have?

john b said...

Well-developed right wrist muscles.

john b said...

Well-developed right wrist muscles.

john b said...

Well-developed right wrist muscles.

john b said...

Well-developed right wrist muscles.

john b said...

Well-developed right wrist muscles.