Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sitting in traffic yesterday

...with monstrous period pains, I started thinking "Shit, you know. I'm moving to London next week. Where I can take a bloody tube." And I honestly started thinking about it.
Luckily I got this e-mail this morning:

South Africa is a great country because:
1. You can eat raw half-dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
4. You can experience terrible service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry they are by dancing.
7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot use a cell phone (without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.
8. Great accent. (I disgree - Americans think we're English; Australians think we're Kiwis)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the second most dangerous city in the world. (Bogota, Columbia is the first.)
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house.
11. Your neighbours can never be nosy over your high walls.
12. The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major accidents, without being called. The police you have to call about three times.
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. We’re the only people that say things like, “Yes, no I’m fine.” And “Yes, no it’s all good.”
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
16. All white people are ancestors from the Dutch, French and English and other continental countries.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. Our Saturday afternoon consists of braaing (barbequing) and soaking up the sun in our back gardens.
19. We have a completely diverse and beautiful countryside: semi-desert, to the tropics, to savannah, to bush, to veld, to mediterranean, to mountainous.
20. If you live in Cape Town, you’re currently residing in the World’s Top Five destinations of 2004/5.



Paperslut said...

I can't say I share your pain, but a paper I wrote for a course almost got rejected today, and it did feel like blood was pouring out of my... er... leg?

Btw... wats a Burglar Bar?
Have a nice day...

Oh. And try Laura Veirs. Her new album Year of Meteors is fantastic. Listen to it with your eyes closed.

Peas on Toast said...

Wonderwall, you are so full of usefull information it's frightening! Music, empathy..
Burglar bars are installed over windows so that people cant get into your house if they decide to burgle it. Feature on msot homes here. Three across and three vertical. Some are ugly - because they are too intricate and kitsch, others are just two bars. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

it sounds like a lovely place, i'm wondering now why i'm here living in the suburbs when i could be over there with all that adventure going on. i normally can't eat oranges because of a citrus allergy, but i'd give those ones a try.

Peas on Toast said...

Jnaie - those oranges would knock your allergy flat babe!
Yip every now and then we need reminding that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Although I'm pretty much ready to pack up my stuff and travel for six orgasmic months...

Ed Abbey said...

I must say, you truly live in a unique country.

Paperslut said...

Oh! How naive of me?! I thought a Burgular Bar was a place where I'd find the guy who stole my bike, and we'd do shots over the keys.


Peas on Toast said...

Wonderwall...not a bad idea though! you're right dayyum - imagine: you go to a ghetto, meet the guy who stole your car/VCR/TV and then you get hammered with him just for shits and giggles.

I like it. I would beat him up though.

November Rain said...

3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.

hey that would be cool

sorry about the dms
big hugs

Nettie said...

You make me want to jump on a plane.