Friday, November 11, 2005

motions

I'm going through constant states of flux at the moment: sheer panic, doubt, sadness, overwhelming despair. I unglued my eyes yesterday, after all that crying, and managed to even write a feature at work.

Last night we met up to chat about our futures, where we go from here. It was actually a very positive set-up, we didn't get emotional, just talked. I still miss him like crazy, this is so crap, but so necessary right now.

Then I went out and got hammered with my friends. Not such a great idea, cos I feel even worse today. Woke up scared, cos I dreamt there was a snake around my neck strangling me. PANIC. Apparently it's a bad omen. Great. Just great.

Everything hurts: my head, my heart-or empty cavern in its place - everything.

3 comments:

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i have no idea how long you're gong to feel this way, i can't even imagine losing someone that close to me, i guess try just and get through one day at a time and rely on any help your friends offer you. i hate when your heart aches like that, it's such an owerwhelming feeling. any idea how he's actually doing? and did you have any idea this was even going to happen?

zuzula said...

oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it's a cliche but it does get better, I promise. It is a slow process... but you will get through it. And you'll slowly, gradually find that you think about him less and less.
I'm thinking of you x

Peas on Toast said...

Janie - I knew this was one the cards, I was the one who finally put the foot down and told him that we need to split. But I'm just as devastated as he is. He is ok though. We still talk just to see how we doing and so on.

Zuzula - Thanks sweetie. You're right, and I know it'll get better. I just wish I could fast forward to that place...