Thursday, November 10, 2005

so this is the story

I've skipped work for two days.
Why? I'll explain it as easy as possible.

Steve and I broke up. I'm citing irreconcilable differences right now. He's moved out, and hopefully Third World Ant will move in. I'm devastated. I have been with this man for a large portion of my young life. I know his family like my own. They're not holding it together too well either. This is Day 3. Apparently I'll only stop crying in two weeks. This just must be the worst pain ever.
Chris, Stephanie, I know you've been through this. I need to know two things.
1) How long will it take to feel even slightly normal again?
2) Does the pain ever go away?


Ed Abbey said...

You didn't ask for my advice so I'll give it to your without charge.

The answers to one and two are both the same. How long you feel like that (normal or pain) is entirely up to you on how long you let it consume you. Everyone has been there before and the pain does go away. You will feel normal again. But some people feel the need to dwell on it instead of focusing on other aspects of life to divert your attention. Those that do a good job of staying focused on other things tend to heal a lot faster. You don't have to try and pretend it never happened, but simply try to find the good in it. Think of the things that you have put off in your life because of the relationship such as moving someplace else like the places mentioned in many of your blogs. Focus on writing, other hobbies, traveling, strengthening relationships with other friends, or simply trying new things.

Been there, done that. It works. Wishing you well.

November Rain said...

I am so sorry
Well you always find someone better
Look at me after the ex I found Fire
big huggles

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

my daughter is a little bit younger than you, but when she broke up with her last bf, it took her months and months before she really felt like she was over him. she did alot of crying for the first week, after that, she seemed to be more in control, but i know she thought about him all the time and missed him like crazy. she has remained very good friends with him and it's a year later and she still isn't dating anyone else. the odd time i'll ask her if she still thinks about him and she says no, she's over him, but i think until you find someone else, it's always in the back of your mind, maybe things will still work out and we'll get back together. i'd give yourself a week or two to feel the way you are, but then after that, you have to start to get your life back together, even if you have to force yourself to get out, just try and do it. i hope after all the time you were with him, you will still be able to remain on friendly terms.

Peas on Toast said...

Guys thanks you thank you thank you for your advice.
It's been a heavy couple of days, lots of crying. But I know this has to be done right now.
I suppose everyone goes through this at one time or another, so this is my turn. A big horrible breakup. My old ex wasn't nearly as traumatic, perhaps cos I didn't love him as much, who knows. But for now I'm trying to keep as busy as possible.

Christopher said...

Sorry, I was late on this. I'm really sorry to hear about your break up. It's easily one of the most horrible emotions anyone can go through. It does get better and when it does you will feel stronger than you have ever been. It might not seem likely now but, trust me, after it gets better. You seem like a strong person so I'm sure you will come back stronger than ever. My friends saved me. I spent a lot of time with them to reconnect. Being with someone kind of makes you lose the things that made you unique.
You'll rediscover the things that made you Laurian and not Laurian and Steve.
This is all going to sound stupid now but it will make sense in the end. I was kind of glad my relationship ended because I was getting lazy. I've only realised lately how much of my life I'd given up for her and how I'd let a bunch of cool opportunities slip between my fingers.
This is your time now. Be as selfish and as indulgent as you want. I revamped myself completely and began to live the kind of life I could never have led with her.
These are the happiest days of my life.
I'll never forget her but I have learnt from her. I've prospered and by all accounts my once beloved is stuck in a rut with some fat, obnoxious arsehole. Karma?

Anyway, sorry to ramble. i really hope you feel better soon. My thoughts are with you.

If you want to chat just email me and I will help as much as I can.



Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Chris. Some sound and wise advice there from someone who knows. You're right, as soon as I start to see things as Laurian and not Steve and Laurian, I think it'll be better. I guess I'm going to have to train myself. It's a tough road, but everybody's gotta walk it, right?? Thanks for your help. xx

Stephanie said...

So sorry that you are going through a rough time, Laurian.

You know it will take time. You'll have moments of normality and these will slowly become more and more frequent until one day you realise that you don't feel too bad. Then, you'll have days when you are actually really happy. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you will get there eventually. I've gone from crying in a churchyard during my lunchbreaks to being a pretty happy person. It takes time, but I assure you that you will get there. :)

I know it hurts, but these are the times you need to rely on your friends and family. Cry, scream, rant and do whatever you need to right now. You have people who love you so you aren't alone. Don't ever beat yourself up for how you are feeling. You've gone through a big loss and its only normal to feel this way.

I didn't think the pain would go away, but it does. I'm still a bit angry and bitter, but I don't have that ache inside that I used to have. Chris is right, you have a great opportunity to discover the real Laurian and become the kind of person you want to be. I know this sounds wanky, but a new chapter of your life is starting and you can make anything you want of it.

Do you have my email address? If you ever want to talk in a less public way just say the word.

*massive hugs*

Take care of yourself, Laurian. I'll be thinking of you.


The Toothfairy said...

I'm really sorry to hear about you and Steve, i would've commented earlier, but I've been away.

I know it's a cliche, but with time, things do get easier and you will start to realise that you can function without him.

I hope you have a good support network where you are and that you have friends you can lean on