It's been a long time since I felt the motions of falling in love with someone, and as lovely as it is, it is rather disconcerting.
One reason: you have no control.
I am a control freak, and have been perfectly in control of my destiny pretty much my whole life until now. Not to say that I've never been in love before - Christ I really have - but somehow this is different. I cannot remember who I was before I met Small Bum. Sweeping statement? I even checked my blog archives to read up on myself to try to get in touch. It's like I've lost myself. I've lost touch with reality, my head isn't on straight, I'm freaking out because I don't know how his head is at this stage and if it's the same place as mine, and quite frankly: I'm scared to death.
It's like a whole chunk of me has been replaced by lust, longing and some strange force. I sound like a 15-year old, but I don't feel like one. I know his imperfections, but that's why he's perfect. Because in my last relationships, the imperfections were things like dark complexities, insecurity, bastardry, mood swings. Small Bum is just a nice, awesome, uncomplex guy. How is this possible?? I feel like the baggage carrier here.
Shit, shit, shit. I need to go and get hammered with my mates and get all rah-rah. I think I will do this tonight.