Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the metro police

I have a serious problem with our metro police department. Besides our tax bureau and our government, I have never come across so many incompetent humans in my life.

On the day of my accident, they arrives at the scene of the crash, and preceeded to just sit in their car, watching from a distance, like I was the main character of a really boring play. So, eventually I walked up to them and asked them to take my statement. One rolled his eyes. I shit you not, he actually did that. With the effort of a pregnant elephant, he finally got out of his car and did the statement thing.

Then he fucking cross-examined me. Not in the light of "just to make sure of the finer details," but because he seemed skeptical that I had slammed on brakes.
Me: Do you think I would purposefully ram into a taxi?
Cop: Don't put words in my mouth.
Me: Huh? You just asked me where my skidmarks are! I don't know, I have ABS brakes!
Cop: Well why aren't there any skidmarks?
Me: How the fuck should I know?

And so it went. Then he spoke in hushed tones in Zulu to the taxi driver. How to irritate me: speak in a langiage I don't understand about me in front of me. He wouldn't tell me if the taxi driver had given an opposing statement to mine.

I phone the cop department in town the next day for my case number. I phone them eight times a day until this morning when I finally get it. You see, they just neglected to put it into the computer system until they felt like it. I asked them if I could phone this cop directly to ask him where the hell my case number is, and I got: "He's not doing his job. But I have no time to give you his number either."

Holy fuck.

Then, one follows me in his car for two kilometres, which I failed to notice until he put his lights on and pulled me aside. Why? What had I done wrong?
"You are holding your cell phone."
Not talking on it, not even holding it above my shoulders, just kinda holding it. And he followed me for two kms to try and fine me R500. "Don't you have more pressing things to do, like find people holding guns or something?" Then he tried to bribe me and fine me on the spot.

Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong continent. Some people deal with the slow and corrupt pace of Africa pretty easily. I do not.


November Rain said...

I could share police horror stories from the USA like the policeman who almost cause me to die

a lady on a cell phone nearly hit me and a faulty steering wheel pin cause an accident and I by the grace of god manage to avoid hitting anyone

but when it was over I was in the window with the steering wheal in my stomach tucked under my ribs

after they cut me out I wa rushed to emergency
I was bleeding internally and in and out of consciousness

a police man not at the scene went into the area where I was being prepped to have emergency surgery when dr told him he couldnt

I was 24 my 2 year old was in the car and 2 friends same age

My dad sold me the car and my title was in my maiden name not my maried name

so he comes in and uses my hand to sign a ticket when I didnt cause the accident and I vaguely remember him saying I was going to jail

I was trying to think of why? and because NO one would tell me how my daughter was and I could see her or hear her
I thought she died and the were blaming me so I told my mom just as I went in I dont want to live
I went into surgery believing my daughter was dead and guess what I died but the dr brought me back

why did he say I would be arrest
because he thought I stole the car
because though my first name matched my last name didnt

zuzula said...

oh my god - nightmare! hope you weren't hurt in the crash? shit, i can't believe the police tried to bribe you. I just can't imagine that. mind you our police are so crap. a friend has just had her mobile phone stolen. the police have told her THEY will call HER to give her a crime reference number. ummmm.... one problem... she has no phone! duh.

Billy said...

Peas: I couldnt agree more, they are the most corrupt lazy bastards who get to carry guns! That sais if they hadnt been corruptable i and a few mates would have been in jail now!

Now if they wanted to get on my good side may i suggest they shoot all the taxi drivers? Just a thought.....

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my God Novy. What the hell? I can't believe, when you were so distraught and practically on your death bed, someone can be so cut-off and bureaucratic. I'm starting to think that cops aren't the alpha-males in preppy blue suits that everyone wants to be - but rather the frigging antichrist.
I'm glad you got through it though, although the trauma must be something else.

Peas on Toast said...

Zuzula - So Scotland Yard also appears a few brie wedges short of cheese platter then. Crumbs - what are we to do when we really need help? And I'm fine, thanks dear. Luckily I wasn't hurt. Or the shit really would've hit the fan.

Billy - Let's start a petition!

Billy said...

What do you think your Beetle would look like with one of those hube metal bull bars on?

Im willing to sacrafice a bit of my cars looks to have taxis scramble out of my way...or buy a gun....no.....the jail thing pops up again if you shoot one of the bastards. Maybe a job in the police is what i need....

Peas on Toast said...

Brilliant - I'll get a bull bar, strap a kudu head to the fender, an then hopefully they'll shit themselves when they see me.
It's funny when you're so angry and traumatised after an accident: I was ready to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. With oncoming traffic staring at me (daft white woman), and not once did it go through my mind while I was screaming and berrating him that a) he may have a gun
b) he may shoot me with it.
I think I'll join u in police academy. Let's start our own police force with our own rules.